is this baby a relation of mine?

wapow

Please do. It would be good to hear about his thoughts on the matter.
It could be influence that has led him to think he is upset with your actions but we wont speculate on that now.

bewilderedhelpneeded

duchy wrote: »

May just be family dynamics are very different.
You make a huge fuss of your niece because she for example isn't local so you don't see her often and your boyfriend assumes you'd treat all "family babies" the same way if you saw them on a daily basis. Also you're buying for ONE baby not several nieces and nephews so the amounts spent are inevitably different too?

Yes the family dynamics are very different - my niece is first girl in the family for a while and only baby. She is my sisters child so I guess bond is greater as I feel she is therefore part of me. I dont have this with the other baby. Maybe my boyfriend did feel id treat this baby in same way. Again, ill ask! Ive slowed down a lot now but from minute we found out my sister was expecting ive been picking odd things up ( mainly second hand) to help her out. I didnt do this for new baby as didnt feel the need to as they are from a large family who were doing this. Maybe bf a bit put out new baby didnt get same treatment from me

thorsoak

Do you expect your b/f to be as close to your sister's baby as you are?

This is his brother's baby - so he is going to feel as excited about this baby as you are about your sister's baby - don't burst his bubble!

Sounds as if you are using the baby as a reason to pinpoint the fact that you are not a "formal" couple - am I right?

bewilderedhelpneeded

paulineb wrote: »

Tbh, some people do refer to aunts and uncles by marriage, their aunt and uncle. As has been said, I think its easier to call someone aunt, than uncles wife.

ive always considered aunts and uncles by marriage to be my aunts and uncles but im not from big family so havent got many. and they were all already married when i was born so had never come across aunt or uncle having boyfriend/girlfriend and wondering what my relationship with them was

duchy

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Yes he does appear upset by what ive said It appears he thought id be straight over there minute baby was born. Maybe this has highlighted to him that I dont feel like a family member and it makes him uncomfortable. Ill ask him about it

Well maybe in his eyes you arepart of his extended family as you've been together for five years but in yours because you don't live together you don't see it the same way ? That you see it as the two of you rather than anything more extended ?

bewilderedhelpneeded

paulineb wrote: »

You don't have to, but if you and your bf got married or engaged do you think your feelings towards this new baby would change?

I think you and your bf are entitled to have a difference of opinion over it all, but try and make sure it doesn't become too much of a row, really the bottom line is as long as you and he are happy and the baby is doing well, that's all that matters.

Thats the bit im not sure of as I only currently have one niece and she is my sisters child. At this moment in time I cannot imagine me having the same feelings as I do for my niece as she is my blood relative. Same reason I dont have same feelings for my bf children as I do for my own and dont consider them my step children as my bf and I dont live together. When I talk about them to other people I dont refer to them as my step children and when ive spoken to people about new baby I havent referred to him as my nephew but bf brothers new baby

CH27

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Thats the bit im not sure of as I only currently have one niece and she is my sisters child. At this moment in time I cannot imagine me having the same feelings as I do for my niece as she is my blood relative. Same reason I dont have same feelings for my bf children as I do for my own and dont consider them my step children as my bf and I dont live together. When I talk about them to other people I dont refer to them as my step children and when ive spoken to people about new baby I havent referred to him as my nephew but bf brothers new baby

It seems as though you have your life compartmentalised & are happy that way.
Your BF seems to want things less separate. He obviously thinks of you as a big part of his whole life.

How to move forward needs thinking about.

claire16c

daisiegg wrote: »

My husband's sister has a child and she doesn't refer to me as aunty even though I think of myself that way. When I mentioned something about it briefly she said 'oh I suppose you are aunty-in-law'! This seemed weird to me as in my family, spouses of aunties/uncles were automatically aunties/uncles too.

Conversely, I once dated an Indian boy and every single female relative or family friend who was more than about 5 years older than you got called aunty.

You are not married to the baby's uncle so are not 'technically' an aunty, but obviously your bf wants you to be part of the family. Why don't you feel like you are?

Aunty in law?! What a strange comment! You are an aunty!

HPoirot

I think this is more about your and your BF's understanding of where you are in your relationship than who can call you an aunt TBH.

listerinspector

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

I am actually an auntie to a niece ( my sisters baby) and I think this is where im struggling - I dont feel anything towards this new baby apart from fact its my boyfriends brothers new baby whereas my niece means the world to me and I feel that I have a responsibility towards her as her auntie. I simply do not have the same depth of feelings towards this new baby

I understand this but my first reply was on the TITLE of auntie, not the role or feelings. If you were married then the baby will still call you auntie if your husband was uncle.

So what does your niece call your boyfriend?