is this baby a relation of mine?

bewilderedhelpneeded

I do not live with my boyfriend but we have been in a relationship for 5 1/2 years. His brother has got married again and they have just had a baby. My boyfriend says im the babys auntie but I dont feel that way. I dont consider my boyfriends brother and his new wife my brother and sister in law.

is this new baby my nephew? The brother has children from his previous marriage and I dont consider them to be nieces and nephews but my boyfriend says that this new baby is as his brother got married whilst we were together.

my boyfriend seems upset that I dont consider this new baby as my nephew and he thinks I should. I said as we didnt live together I simply didnt feel that way but he is upset im not rushing round there pouring out auntie love on the new baby ( I havent even seen him yet and he is a week old)

balletshoes

If you don't feel that your bf's family are your family, you don't feel it - so in that respect no, theres nothing wrong in not considering the new baby your nephew.

But I wonder if your bf considers things differently? Does he think he is part of your family?

Person_one

You've been together a long time, but most people wouldn't consider that they were 'family' until they were at least living together, if not engaged or married.

You aren't the baby's auntie by genetics or marriage, but then there are a fair few kids who call me auntie who I'm not remotely related to, there's no reason why you can't have a nice relationship with him if you choose to.

Maybe your boyfriend wants to have a chat about the future of your relationship and making things more official?

RobotsinDisguse

Maybe your bf feels your relationship is more serious than you do? And maybe that's why he's concerned now? There might be more to this than is obvious.

What would make the difference to you? Longer time passing? Knowing the family & baby better? Living together? Being engaged? Being married?

When I moved in with my chap his family started calling me Auntie to the families children, inc to his cousins. My family didn't say the same about him.... But after a while they did... And after a while I felt comfortable, even proud, that they wanted to 'adopt' me as an aunty figure.

listerinspector

As you're not married, they're not your relations or family. Technically and legally they're not.

But to give you the title of auntie is easier and self explanatory, far quicker and easier than to say 'brother's girlfriend' or 'boyfriend's brothers kids'.

So I'd say just accept the title, but it doesn't mean you have to be overly lovey dovey towards them.

daisiegg

My husband's sister has a child and she doesn't refer to me as aunty even though I think of myself that way. When I mentioned something about it briefly she said 'oh I suppose you are aunty-in-law'! This seemed weird to me as in my family, spouses of aunties/uncles were automatically aunties/uncles too.

Conversely, I once dated an Indian boy and every single female relative or family friend who was more than about 5 years older than you got called aunty.

You are not married to the baby's uncle so are not 'technically' an aunty, but obviously your bf wants you to be part of the family. Why don't you feel like you are?

splishsplash

Of course you're not the baby's aunt.
Even if you and your boyfriend were married, strictly speaking you would be the baby's uncle's wife, not the baby's aunt.
If your boyfriend has sisters, they would be the baby's aunts, as would your boyfriend's sister-in-law's sisters.

Whether you feel affection for the baby is another matter altogether, and would depend on (for me) on how close you are to the couple. I'd feel closer to good friends' babies than babies belonging to distant relatives.

That's really clear as mud, isnt' it:rotfl:.

BitterAndTwisted

Technically you're not the child's aunt as you haven't married into your boyfriend's family. But if it's important to your boyfriend that you show some attachment to his blood relatives, if you care his feelings at all, it would be best to feign an interest.

bewilderedhelpneeded

balletshoes wrote: »

If you don't feel that your bf's family are your family, you don't feel it - so in that respect no, theres nothing wrong in not considering the new baby your nephew.

But I wonder if your bf considers things differently? Does he think he is part of your family?

Im not sure why he thinks this new baby is different as he certainly does not say his brothers other kids are my nieces and nephews. He said its because this baby was born whilst we were together?

bewilderedhelpneeded

Person_one wrote: »

You've been together a long time, but most people wouldn't consider that they were 'family' until they were at least living together, if not engaged or married.

You aren't the baby's auntie by genetics or marriage, but then there are a fair few kids who call me auntie who I'm not remotely related to, there's no reason why you can't have a nice relationship with him if you choose to.

Maybe your boyfriend wants to have a chat about the future of your relationship and making things more official?

I dont consider his family as my family but I would feel differently if we were living together. Other children call me auntie ( my friends children for eg) but we all know thats not strictly true and I dont consider them nieces/ nephews either although I am very fond of them.

bewilderedhelpneeded

RobotsinDisguse wrote: »

Maybe your bf feels your relationship is more serious than you do? And maybe that's why he's concerned now? There might be more to this than is obvious.

What would make the difference to you? Longer time passing? Knowing the family & baby better? Living together? Being engaged? Being married?

When I moved in with my chap his family started calling me Auntie to the families children, inc to his cousins. My family didn't say the same about him.... But after a while they did... And after a while I felt comfortable, even proud, that they wanted to 'adopt' me as an aunty figure.

I think id feel differently about it if we were married - at the moment I feel slightly awkward as I am simply babys uncles girlfriend!