Arguing over money!

paulineb_2

Tink2 wrote: »

If he's helped her out she should pay him back, simple as that

If you read the first paragraph she says shes being charged deposits (which he would have paid long before she came on the scene as he was sharing with 2 flatmates)

Rent (which he would have been paying anyway), bills (which he would have been paying anyway on his own had she not moved in).

Admin fees??? This isnt debt that he wouldnt have had to pay anyway, because if she hadnt moved in with him, hed have been liable for the share of the rent and bills on his own anyway.

Therefore, its not exactly a matter of life and death is it? Has she said anywhere that she doesn't intend to pay him back? I dont think she has.

She just hasnt had the money to do it because her employer messed up her wages and its only just been sorted out.

Going on and on about it won't get the debt paid off quicker.

If I were her, Id be wanting to see receipts for all these admin fees. Id be wanting to know why she has to pay a half share of a deposit that was already paid presumably when he moved in to the flat with his flatmates.

And Id be working out a SENSIBLE repayment plan, ie one that left enough money to live on so that she doesnt need to be walking around with holey shoes.

She's incurred these costs by moving in with him and hasnt been able to repay them due to issues with her wages.

Anyone would think she took his credit card and !!!!!!ed off to new york with it.

Maybe a discussion should have been had long before she moved in to actually see if she could afford to move in with him.

Landing yourself in £2000 worth of debt to your partner because he asked her to move in, particularly when there are other issues in the relationship may not have been the most sensible option.

FBaby

I know that he expected some money when I finally got paid correctly (this month) and hopefully I can give him some extra money. I know I definately will be able to start paying him back next month and I have told him this.

I think you might be making a bigger deal to the situation than what it really is. He's been waiting for the money and been quite patient. He respected the fact you couldn't pay whilst your job was messing you about. He assumed that you felt bad about it and therefore as soon as you'd get the money, your priority would be to repay him. Instead, you go shopping and spend money on yourself and somehow can't give him a penny of the money you received. Ultimately, he starts wondering if you really ever intend of repaying it. He gets worried, thought you were good with money and kept your promises. Now he is starting to have doubts and he is expressing them in a way that makes you question his commitment.

Just start showing him that you do intend of repaying him by making payment asap as small as these can be. Work out again how much you need to should contribute towards rent and bills and how much you both want to save for the future. Show him that you do prioritise paying debts. My gut feeling is that if you start to show him good intentions in repaying your debts, he will at some point tell you to forget about the rest.

paulineb_2

FBaby wrote: »

I think you might be making a bigger deal to the situation than what it really is. He's been waiting for the money and been quite patient. He respected the fact you couldn't pay whilst your job was messing you about. He assumed that you felt bad about it and therefore as soon as you'd get the money, your priority would be to repay him. Instead, you go shopping and spend money on yourself and somehow can't give him a penny of the money you received. Ultimately, he starts wondering if you really ever intend of repaying it. He gets worried, thought you were good with money and kept your promises. Now he is starting to have doubts and he is expressing them in a way that makes you question his commitment.

Just start showing him that you do intend of repaying him by making payment asap as small as these can be. Work out again how much you need to should contribute towards rent and bills and how much you both want to save for the future. Show him that you do prioritise paying debts. My gut feeling is that if you start to show him good intentions in repaying your debts, he will at some point tell you to forget about the rest.

She spent £20. It is entirely possible that she could have spent 20 pounds on clothes and repaid him a sum of money.

Why should anyone have to report to another person about spending a sum of her own wages on herself, particularly when she replaced a footwear item that was falling apart?

There has to be some middle ground here. He doesn't need to beat her with a big stick over it and she shouldnt have to be saying sorry every 5 minutes.

The fact that hes paid for two holidays, one abroad without her would kind of imply that hes not short of a bob or two.

All she needs to do is pay him back in installments and hopefully they might start talking about other things and start enjoying living together.

There are couples all over the world where one partner doesnt earn and the other does, I bet they dont all spend their entire free time totting up who owes who what.

The fact that hes making her feel so bad about owing him this money when he knew her financial circumstances when she moved in, I think really isnt a good sign.

She had to move from London to Bristol to be with him. Unless she had a job where she could be transferred to a new department, there was always going to be a time frame where she was going to be seeking work and possibly unemployed. He knew this. It shouldnt have been a surprise to him.

Tink2

Did she get a job and move in with him or did she move in with him then get a job

If it was the former then he shouldn't have to pay her moving costs if she chose to change jobs

paulineb_2

Tink2 wrote: »

Did she get a job and move in with him or did she move in with him then get a job

If it was the former then he shouldn't have to pay her moving costs if she chose to change jobs

He asked her to move from London to Bristol to be with him when both his flatmates moved on.

Tink2

paulineb wrote: »

He asked her to move from London to Bristol to be with him when both his flatmates moved on.

But she also says she got a job and moved in with him

Indie_Kid

Tink2 wrote: »

But she also says she got a job and moved in with him

Yes, because he asked her to move in with her. That meant giving up her previous job, moving in with him and finding a new job.

km1423

Make paying him back your first priority. You said you would, and honour your verbal agreement. It seems as though your OH can be generous yet he begrudges you buying necessities - shoes - really!!

As a woman learn this lesson now. Never owe money to a man. Take a long hard look in the mirror and realise this. Make improvements to yourself, start by getting a better job, yes it takes time but strive towards it.

When you have your own money, you can have a say. You can take the holidays, buy the shoes, any that takes your fancy - Jimmy Choo, Christian Laboutine, whatever.

Your own money will give you independence, even if you live together or marry. Be it him or some other man.

He'll be forced to respect you, even if he won't admit it when you pay your debt to him.

Please don't allow yourself to be trapped, and think about your future. Either way, get this sorted and therefore you will have one less thing to worry about.

Keep positive either way.

Person_one

km1423 wrote: »

It seems as though your OH can be generous

Really? What's giving you that impression?

km1423

Person_one wrote: »

Really? What's giving you that impression?

Do you think he just buys her gifts etc, because he is obligated, i.e. Valentines/Birthday and Christmas.

He does have more money to spend, and would come over as a tight wad if he didn't make the effort.

Personally, I would hate to be owing him money, and would bust my chops to be free of the torment.