Arguing over money!

BunnieJ

Quote:
Originally Posted by BitterAndTwisted
My advice to you would be to NOT open a joint bank account with him. This makes you financially-linked and could have an impact on both of your financial futures. Some married couples don't have joint bank accounts for that reason.

^^^^this!!!!

Open another account in either of your names, & use that for household costs. A joint account will cause further headache & financial linking!

The joint account will only be for us to put our money for bills in i.e. we transfer x amount per month by DD, and where our bills will be taken from. It won't be where our salaries or anything else would be paid in...

It would be completely separate from our personal accounts! Neither of us currently bank with Halifax and we use different banks now.

Before we moved in together we had always discussed the possiblility of this kind of account. I had one set up similarly with my housemates at uni. Nobody could use the debit card, we only used the account for our bills.

pebbles88

BunnieJ wrote: »

The joint account will only be for us to put our money for bills in i.e. we transfer x amount per month by DD, and where our bills will be taken from. It won't be where our salaries or anything else would be paid in...

It would be completely separate from our personal accounts! Neither of us currently bank with Halifax and we use different banks now.

Before we moved in together we had always discussed the possiblility of this kind of account. I had one set up similarly with my housemates at uni. Nobody could use the debit card, we only used the account for our bills.

Regardless of what it's used for, or who you do or don't bank with, it will link you both financially. Just as the one you had at uni linked you with your housemates.

If for any reason any joint account you both have ends up with an overdraft etc, both of you be will be chased for the balance.

Pepperoni

Agree with others about joint account. When my husband & I moved in together we set all our bills to come out of one of his unused accounts and just transferred the money into that to cover it all. I had / have passwords for the account so can make sure there is enough there etc.

justme111

Will not look good if she backpedals on joint account now , straifht after he said he had issues with money. She done it before with her flatmates and now declines doing it with him after row about money - doesn't look good.

dktreesea

BunnieJ wrote: »

He knew I didn't have the means to help pay for moving, but said he would pay. I wasn't expecting him to write off the debt, but equally I wasn't expecting him to keep tabs on what I'm spending my money on. I think that as a couple we shouldn't be keeping score on what we owe each other. All our bills etc are shared between us.

I'm in the process of applying for better paid jobs as I need more money to live. I only took my current job as a stepping stone for moving to Bristol. As you know, jobs are hard to come by so I had to take what I could get. Yes, it was a gamble at the time, but if I hadn't decided to move we would still be in a LDR now :-(

He currently earns around £500 or so more than me per month. I realise I have been living slightly above my means, but this has mainly been due to unforeseen costs e.g. dentist, new phone etc. I'm currently trying to cut back and have cancelled alot of outgoings (gym, cheaper phone contract and so forth). I'm going to try and include a clothing allowance in my budget for emergencies like worn out shoes needing to be replaced.

Any extra money will go on paying off more of the debt when I can.

£500 or so a month more is not a lot more. It sounds like you keep your finances separate. Pay him what you owe him. It's not his fault that you earn so much less than him. Can't you get a better job?

Most couples I know only pay into a joint account for essential items, like the mortgage, electricity. One of my girlfirends has a really nice car which her OH, (they are married with children) minds her having because he sees it as a huge extravagence and expects her to invest that money in the family instead. Why should she? Just because he chooses to save and squirrel away his surplus finds for a rainy day doesn't mean she should have to.

OP, likewise with your OH. As long as you pay him back, if you choose to live up to your income, go for it, with the proviso that he doesn't have to step in to cover any shortfalls, i.e. you cover the essentials first.

Yes, there are relationships where both sides genuinely feel all that is mine is yours and vice versa. But your relationship doesn't sound like that. It is what it is. He earns more than you and he doesn't want his income to be used to supplement any shortfalls in your income.

Mojisola

dktreesea wrote: »

Just because he chooses to save and squirrel away his surplus finds for a rainy day doesn't mean she should have to.

Would she expect him to use his savings to rescue the family from a rainy day?

Tink2

dktreesea wrote: »

Why should she? Just because he chooses to save and squirrel away his surplus finds for a rainy day doesn't mean she should have to.

Why should he pay more to support the family while she wastes money?

BunnieJ

Will not look good if she backpedals on joint account now , straifht after he said he had issues with money. She done it before with her flatmates and now declines doing it with him after row about money - doesn't look good.

^I agree totally! I have no problem setting up a joint account for our bills as I know it has worked previously with housmates (arguably it should be less of a problem with your OH than with people you just met at uni...)

Yes, there are relationships where both sides genuinely feel all that is mine is yours and vice versa. But your relationship doesn't sound like that. It is what it is. He earns more than you and he doesn't want his income to be used to supplement any shortfalls in your income.

I hope that my OH and I will eventually get to that place and not have to worry about who earns what/who owes who/who pays for this etc, but for now we have only just started living together and I get why he doesn't want to share everthing right now.

£500 or so a month more is not a lot more. It sounds like you keep your finances separate. Pay him what you owe him. It's not his fault that you earn so much less than him. Can't you get a better job?

It's hardly my fault how much my employer pays :mad: and as I said, I'm in the process of looking for a new job! My current salary is £13.5k whilst my OH's is £26k. Neither of us earn big bucks, but he still earns more than I do and probably always will because of his career path. I think it's only fair he contributes more than me!

One of my girlfirends has a really nice car which her OH, (they are married with children) minds her having because he sees it as a huge extravagence and expects her to invest that money in the family instead. Why should she? Just because he chooses to save and squirrel away his surplus finds for a rainy day doesn't mean she should have to.

My OH doesn't drive and I have an fairly old car (Suzuki Alto 02 Reg) which my nan gifted to me when she stopped driving. It's not the best car, but it gets me from A to B. I would love to get a new car but I know my OH would rather we save up for a house deposit, so I take that into consideration before making big purchases.

egoode

BunnieJ wrote: »

My OH has since spoken to me, and I have discovered HE has his OWN money problems!

As we have yet to set up a joint account for our bills, I had just been transferring my contribution into his account. He has now informed me that the bills etc were more than he had expected/bugeted for so he has been using more of his own money to keep everything paid!

He didn't want to tell me as he knew I would be upset and try and pay more myself (putting me in further debt) as he knew I was having trouble with money due to my wages being incorrect

He said the last few months we have been struggling as his account was just hemorrhaging money for all our bills _pale_

Well I think this now explains why he got so upset about you buying the new clothes and shoes. He's clearly been worrying about it and probably over reacted due to worrying so much about this.

BunnieJ wrote: »

My debt to him now stands at £900 for "moving costs" (he has agreed to forget the deposit as he will get that straight back when we leave), and £200 for my V Festival ticket. He hasn't asked for any more money even though he's been using "his" money to help cover the household bills.

I think this sounds like a good compromise that you don't pay towards the deposit and means you can pay back the amount you do owe much quicker.

It sounds like you have had a really good chat about it all and given you are both new to living together things like this will take a while to sort out. The important thing to do is keep communicating and share with each other what goals you would like to work towards together both financially and personally. It might even be worthwhile setting aside some time once a month or once a quarter whatever works best for you to review your finances and ensure you are both happy with what you are spending/saving.

duchy

Glad you two have cleared the air.
When people first set up home they often don't realize how to budget properly-where savings to running a home can be made and that is where the DFW boards come in. You can probably make all kinds of savings -switching suppliers, meal planning, better insurance costs , Sky v Virgin v Freeview etc . Some of these suppliers he probably "brought with him" from the flatshare and never gave it much thought. Dpn't forget sites like Quidco and TCB when switching suppliers too.