Arguing over money!

BunnieJ

Can I ask what your social life is like ?
Do you have friends of your own or just your boyfriend's friends?
When you move to a new area it can be quite challenging.

I do find it hard to make new friends, so most of my friends/aquaintances so far are my OH's friends, but they have taken me into the group (it's a mixture of couples and two other guys). When my OH was busy a couple of weeks ago I shared an Orange Wednesday with them and went to the cinema without him in the group.

I'm going out for drinks with my colleagues this Friday and I get on well with them at work, but they're my work friends, if you get what I mean?

Another thing about my OH (although the has relaxed this rule slightly since I moved) is that he thinks we should have separate friends. If I used to try and add any of his friends or housemates I'd met on Facebook for example, he would make a huge fuss about not wanting me to be friends with his friends. He seems to have dropped that now, but I still have to do all the arranging/organising if we get invited out as often he doesn't bother responding to invites etc.

One of my friends from London came to visit me for the day/evening as she was in the area last weekend, and I'm still in contact with my old friends :-)

Hi there OP, is he constantly on your case?

He's not ALWAYS on my case, but it's just been recently he's had a problem with me not paying him the money back.

The fact that you aren't having a holiday together because it would mean you being more in debt to him and feeling worse and worse about it is so sad I just wish you were my friend in real life so I could help more!

That is both awww, but also :-( *sigh* your help is much apriciated!

Mojisola

BunnieJ wrote: »

Another thing about my OH (although the has relaxed this rule slightly since I moved) is that he thinks we should have separate friends. If I used to try and add any of his friends or housemates I'd met on Facebook for example, he would make a huge fuss about not wanting me to be friends with his friends.

The more you say about him, the worse he sounds!

How many "rules" of his do you have to comply with?

paulineb_2

Mojisola wrote: »

The more you say about him, the worse he sounds

I agree with that, the word controlling springs to mind.

BunnieJ

What am I supposed to do? I've been with him for 6 years and have uprooted my whole life to be with him!

paulineb_2

BunnieJ wrote: »

What am I supposed to do? I've been with him for 6 years and have uprooted my whole life to be with him!

Stay and go on as you are.

Stay and try and make changes.

Leave.

Not saying it's going to be easy whatever you do but your happiness matters, that's the very bottom line.

Person_one

BunnieJ wrote: »

What am I supposed to do? I've been with him for 6 years and have uprooted my whole life to be with him!

Whatever you want to do. You haven't made any irreversible decisions. You've been brave enough to uproot your life once, if you decide to I'm sure you can do it again.

Don't be unhappy because of logistics!

Its not at all uncommon for long term or previously promising relationships to end when they move in together.

When_the_going_gets_tough

Op having read this thread I am a bit surprised that your moving costs came to £3000. I know Bristol well and I woul have thought the deposit and first months rent would be not more than £1500. You may not want to answer this but did the other £1500 go on furniture - in which case who does it belong to - you or him? Just soemthing for you to think about. You are in charge of your own happiness!!

dandelionclock30

BunnieJ wrote: »

I know that he expected some money when I finally got paid correctly (this month) and hopefully I can give him some extra money. I know I definately will be able to start paying him back next month and I have told him this.

It's getting to the point I'd rather just stay in and do nothing and just give all my wages to him so he'll get off my case and won't have any reason to be annoyed at me spending money, whether neccessary or for pleasure.

But is this the way to feel in a committed relationship?

Im afraid it sounds like hes using this issue to control you. Do you really think this is the right way to go on? By going on at you and making you feel like this he is manipulating you.
I really do think that you should get some support from your parents or friends.
No its not the way a person should feel in a committed relationship .

Mojisola

BunnieJ wrote: »

I have known my OH for about 8 years (since we were 16-17) and have been with him for 6 years.

BunnieJ wrote: »

What am I supposed to do? I've been with him for 6 years and have uprooted my whole life to be with him!

He was right for you when you were 16. Have you changed at all in the last six years? Has he? Do you still think that he is the best person in the world to share the rest of your life with?

Do you feel that you can be yourself in his company or are you watching what you do and say?

How does he behave when you have gone out somewhere without him? Do you have to account for what you did and say who was there?

Do you feel like an equal partner in the relationship? He has "rules" - do you have any rules for the way you want him to behave?

paulineb's post gives the options. For the time being with a new job and living together being a new thing, you may want to see how things settle down but, if you start to feel controlled or made to feel inadequate, get out sooner rather than later.

Mrs_Soup

I would pay him for the tickets asap, sounds like you could do this in 1-2 months maximum. Then get him to itemise the other costs and if they are for things like deposit or items of furniture then just suggest that these items belong to him- should you split he can keep the fridge or whatever it was and as others have said he can reclaim the deposit himself. If he feels that he has got tangible goods for his money he may not be so desperate to get you to pay half. Then see what is left of this debt as it may then be considerably easier to manage.