Practical suggestions for getting over an inappropriate crush?

duchy

What does your close female friend on the course think of the situation ?
And if the group are "teasing you" with comments like "Get a room" then they are giving you a clear message that they think you two have something more going on !

As for Ali's comment about "He's single" I agree with Georgie . He is NOT single. Most people don't think any man who doesn't have a wedding ring is fair game.....and available !

Copperplate

FatVonD wrote: »

No offence intended, OP, but for a mature student these games all sound very immature, just grow up and tell him the truth!

I don't see how they are games or immature? I am trying to respect the fact that he is in a relationship. I don't see how telling a man that isn't single that I have feelings for him will do anything but harm. Maybe I am wrong but I think I am trying to be mature. It would be less grown up to have total disregard for his girlfriend's feelings and say, "But IIIIIIII want you" and act like a totally spoilt brat. I don't feel I can tell him the actual truth. But I am getting to the point where I will have to tell him that this closeness given the fact that he has a girlfriend is feeling inappropriate.

Copperplate

FatVonD wrote: »

And is it possible for you to tell us (because it might make a difference to people's perceptions... and also because I'm nosy ) is the girlfriend in Thailand someone he met on holiday or online who in all likelihood is stringing him and many others along or have they been boyfriend and girlfriend for some time and she has gone travelling.

She lives there, they met when he was teaching English in Thailand and she was teaching language too. She is wealthy, I don't thing she is stringing him along or trying to get a visa. I believe her feelings for him are genuine, though obviously I've never met her. They were together for several months as boyfriend and girlfriend whilst in Thailand but have known each other for a few years prior to them getting together.

Person_one

OP, I just want to commend you for sticking to your principles. Sadly, there are far too many people in the world who think like Alikay and would be pursuing this man without a second though for his existing girlfriend.

However this ends up, you'll be able to come out of it with your head held high.

duchy

Interesting someone mentioned Emotional Affair.......
Is there any possibility that in his head an "Emotional Affair" isn't cheating on his girlfriend so long as it doesn't get physical and it's his way of coping with the loneliness of a long distance relationship ?

Sorry but I have to ask.

Copperplate

duchy wrote: »

What does your close female friend on the course think of the situation ?
And if the group are "teasing you" with comments like "Get a room" then they are giving you a clear message that they think you two have something more going on !

As for Ali's comment about "He's single" I agree with Georgie . He is NOT single. Most people don't think any man who doesn't have a wedding ring is fair game.....and available !

It's very weird...my female friend on the course and I can talk about anything together but we do not talk about him. She is very friendly with him too. She never picks me up on how we are together. A member of the group flat out asked back in November if there was anything going on between us and at that point I genuinely felt nothing but friendship for him and I was angry at that member of the group. She insinuated that it appeared mutual and she could understand it as "the poor guy isn't getting any is he?". I told my friend how uncomfortable those comments made me feel and that there were genuinely no feelings on my behalf (at that time) and she understood. I'm imagining that she thinks it is still the case. I don't want to tell her how I really feel, I don't want to draw attention to it. I have spoken to a friend at home instead who doesn't know him and who has similar values to me.

FatVonD

Copperplate wrote: »

I don't see how they are games or immature? I am trying to respect the fact that he is in a relationship. I don't see how telling a man that isn't single that I have feelings for him will do anything but harm. Maybe I am wrong but I think I am trying to be mature. It would be less grown up to have total disregard for his girlfriend's feelings and say, "But IIIIIIII want you" and act like a totally spoilt brat. I don't feel I can tell him the actual truth. But I am getting to the point where I will have to tell him that this closeness given the fact that he has a girlfriend is feeling inappropriate.

But you are playing games because you are saying one thing and doing another. You are doing much the same on here (and trust me, I'm not trying to be harsh, I think you should go for it!) but on the one hand you're telling us all how you can't possibly go there and then you follow it up with examples of how he can't stop looking at you because (whether you are admitting it to us or possibly even yourself) you want to believe he feels the same.

It would make a big difference to most people if you were to clarify if theirs is a long-standing relationship or not . If it is an online-type thing and you might be saving him from losing a small fortune then I'm sure most would give you their 'permission' to go for it if that was what you were looking for.

FatVonD

Okay, see you have posted what their relationship is.

Copperplate

duchy wrote: »

Interesting someone mentioned Emotional Affair.......
Is there any possibility that in his head an "Emotional Affair" isn't cheating on his girlfriend so long as it doesn't get physical and it's his way of coping with the loneliness of a long distance relationship ?

Sorry but I have to ask.

The only way I could possibly know would be to ask and I'm not sure how that would go down .

I think we both feel less lonely around each other. I think I do give him some sort of comfort. I think he wouldn't be around me as much if his girlfriend was here. I'm beginning to feel like a substitute girlfriend. I had tried to justify that it was ok to be this close because we weren't physical/sexual with one another. Maybe he has done the same thing.

Georgiegirl256

duchy wrote: »

Interesting someone mentioned Emotional Affair.......
Is there any possibility that in his head an "Emotional Affair" isn't cheating on his girlfriend so long as it doesn't get physical and it's his way of coping with the loneliness of a long distance relationship ?

Sorry but I have to ask.

That was my first thought too, that possibly he could be (for want of a better word) 'using' the OP as an emotional link, because he's missing being close to his girlfriend. For someone to talk too, have fun with, someone who makes them feel wanted and who can fill that void?

Not saying that he doesn't really like you OP, because it sounds like he really thinks a lot of you. Maybe he's seeing you as a very good friend, and sometimes the lines between friendship and being something more than friends can get blurred.