Boyfriend advice - am I going crazy?

elsien

Always worth bearing this in mind:
http://www.theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/red-flags-for-abusive-relationships/

Ohtobehappy wrote: »

1. his behaviour is becoming unpredictable.
2. he's very unpredictable. The slightest thing can start him off on a rant.
3. he uses bad language at me and belittles me about my life.
4. I try to pacify him and not cause rows and say sorry for saying the wrong thing.
5.he ignores me for days. It breaks my heart.
6.He doesn't like me going out in the evenings, he doesn't like what I wear when I'm not with him
7. and he hates my friends,
8. I try not to provoke him and do as I'm asked.
9. It's like I don't have my own mind anymore,

And this is just from your short first post. How more indicators do you need?


Edit - if you stay in this relationship it will always be your fault, whatever you do, your self esteem will crumble and you will find it harder and harder to disentangle yourself. You need to act while you have the strength to do so, it's only going to get worse not better.

DUTR

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

If you dont live with him is less of a headache telling him.I'd just send him a text and then change your sim etc and on a night dont answer the door etc. He'll soon get the message.Any problems the police are there to help.
OP you have to be strong and get rid of him now before he starts to hit you as this is what domestic violence starts out like.
Hes controlling and is manipulating you.
He might be unhappy and have depression or mental health issues but thats for him to sort out. You have to put yourself and your childs saftey first, not him.

Did you not read the OP's post?
I'm not sure what all the drama is about in splitting, they have already mentioned that they do not live together, changing numbers is only going to inconvenience the OP, people do not like continually updating a contact for a certain person, keep the same number and reduce the reason for changing number.
If the guy in this case is complaining about his head being 'done in' I'm pretty sure there will be no theatre about the ending from the OP. Not all guys turn into pyschopathic maniacs when the girl ends it, in fact secretly many are over the moon about it.

emmaj30

its just going to get worse.. You shouldnt be trying to aviod saying things as not to upset him. My advice would be :
1. if you want to stay with him then you need to start showing you are boss instead of him. Be independent and start doing things off your own back. Dont play games but for a while you need to be aloof and see how his behaviour is. If he starts to see that actually he cant bully you then he might starting reacting to you in a more positive way.
b) leave him. In the long run this is not a good relationship. You have one life and you need to be happy for your daughter as well. Its going to get worse so just pull that plaster off and set up a better life for you and your daughter. You both deserve a whole lot more and one day you will look back at this time of your life and say phew that was a close shave. Have fun and do whats best for you.

Remember the world meets noone half way. You have to do whats best for you
be happyxxxx

duchy

Maybe it is simpler to just ask yourself..... Does this man make me happy, does our relationship make my life better, is this the kind of relationship I want my daughter to have .........and you have your answer.

Every relationship has its good and bad points but when the bad consistently outweighs the good-you need to ask yourself why you stay in such a relationship...... and if it was your best friend in the same relationship-What would you be telling them to do ?

The fact you feel you need to ask strangers on a forum demonstrates that this man has already damaged your confidence and self esteem.

Get the heck out of there Girlfriend !!
#
(and NO all relationships are not like this ........however all HIS relationships may be)

Ohtobehappy

Well, a cup of tea with my mum and ready through the replies has given me some perspective.

I do love him, but I have to be realistic and my chances of him changing are pretty much zero. And like you all seem to have recognised my self esteem is slowly ebbing away.

So I'm going to end it. I think you guys have given me the courage to do what I have needed to do for a good few months. He is due to come around tonight so I will end it face to face.

We have some lovely times but the bad times are far outweighing the good, so time to call it a day.

Wish me luck :-)

tayforth

Ohtobehappy wrote: »

Thanks again for replies. It's made me think. He says that all relationships are like this and he's not selfish nor angry, it's just that I can do 'his head in' sometimes.

Tbh if you ask any of my friends they would say I'm pretty easy going, hate confrontation and an generally happy go lucky .

You sound like me, and your ex sounds like my ex. Everything is always other people's fault in their minds.

Dump him.



ETA: I've just read your last post. Good luck tonight, and please do let us know how you get on.

Ohtobehappy

Will be back later tonight. Thanks for all your support. I'm feeling confident it's the right thing to do

X

xpastelx

I'm a lurker on these forums but had to register when I read your thread....this isn't normal, you sound scared or at least worried about causing him to go off on one. With my ex it came to the point where I was walking on eggshells. I honestly thought that was normal until I left him. After meeting my current boyfriend I realised how crazy it was to live like that!

Get out now. Before something really awful happens.

DUTR

Ohtobehappy wrote: »

Well, a cup of tea with my mum and ready through the replies has given me some perspective.

I do love him, but I have to be realistic and my chances of him changing are pretty much zero. And like you all seem to have recognised my self esteem is slowly ebbing away.

So I'm going to end it. I think you guys have given me the courage to do what I have needed to do for a good few months. He is due to come around tonight so I will end it face to face.

We have some lovely times but the bad times are far outweighing the good, so time to call it a day.

Wish me luck :-)

I do wish you luck and really pleased you have seen logic, sometimes there is no point in someone having to change for the other, yes ending it face to face and straight to the point saves all the silly episodes we read often on here. When bad times exceed the good it is always a time to call it a day, better luck with the next guy (person to keep it PC) .

Stephb1986_2

Good luck for tonight keep us updated x

Steph xx