Boyfriend advice - am I going crazy?

tayforth

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Why did he have Anger Management?


It's flagging up domestic violence to me.

Same here.

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm calling bullsh!t on that one - I'd be prepared to bet that no-one has ever, ever been told that in anger management counselling. He's spinning you a line.

I agree 100%. As I said before, people like him blame everyone but themselves. They never take responsibility for their own actions.

lickybits wrote: »

it seems like hes carrying a lot of emotional baggage from previous relationships.and it sound's like his old flames wanted out of their relationships with him, when people often want out of a relationship they look else where before they jump, i'm betting they saw no future with him and looked for affection else where, feeling they deserved to be treated better, i don't condone cheating but often girls in abusive relationships (emotionally) will look else where before just walking away.

I can attest to this. When I was in an abusive marriage, I began developing feelings for someone else, purely because he was nice to me. I was so desperate for affection, kindness, whatever.

After I left, I realised that those feelings were not real. And I never acted on them. I don't condone cheating at all. But yes, I can see how someone who's being abused can develop an emotional attachment to another person. And perhaps it can give them the strength to leave.

tayforth

OP - well done on ending this relationship, things can only get better! How are you feeling today?

I would echo the advice about changing the locks, he may have made copies of your keys. Better safe than sorry xx

Ohtobehappy

Hi tayforth.

I never gave him keys so that's not a problem :-) and thankfully all quiet today. Not a peep.

He always said he could do better than me. So I hope he's trying. Lol. Apparently in the looks department he was out of my league and I was only a 3 compared to his 8 lol .

Feeling much stronger today and almost like a part of me has resurfaced.

Thanks xxx

neverdespairgirl

Ohtobehappy wrote: »

He always said he could do better than me. So I hope he's trying. Lol. Apparently in the looks department he was out of my league and I was only a 3 compared to his 8 lol .

That by itself is a sure-fire sign you're well-rid!

Objectively I am about a 3 to my OH's 8, but he's blind and thinks I'm gorgeous. That's a much better way round. Why be with someone who doesn't value you?

yvonne13_2

OP well done in finding the strength to leave this man that wanted to control every aspect of your life. I'm not going to sit here and say how nasty a person he is/was as I don't give a rats behind what he wants to think or do as people like that forget they have mothers. (You know the saying)

Take everyday as a new beginning and your personality will come back as it was before you met him. If and when he does contact you (Trust me he will) just smile, be really nice to him and let him know how things are going great for you but do not meet up with him, do not discuss the past ect ect. Wish him well then say bye. You may have to do this a few times but he will get the message and will have no chose but to move on.

The mistake a lot of people make is thinking the person has changed. He will never change, his married record speaks for itself. What gets me (Going of what you said) is that he never seems to have taken responsiblity for any of the relationships going wrong and that should've started alarm bells ringing. People can tell you whatever they want about past relationship but when they have NEVER done anything wrong then that's the time for you to say bye.

Anyway keep your head up and well done you .

DUTR

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP well done in finding the strength to leave this man that wanted to control every aspect of your life. I'm not going to sit here and say how nasty a person he is/was as I don't give a rats behind what he wants to think or do as people like that forget they have mothers. (You know the saying)

Take everyday as a new beginning and your personality will come back as it was before you met him. If and when he does contact you (Trust me he will) just smile, be really nice to him and let him know how things are going great for you but do not meet up with him, do not discuss the past ect ect. Wish him well then say bye. You may have to do this a few times but he will get the message and will have no chose but to move on.

The mistake a lot of people make is thinking the person has changed. He will never change, his married record speaks for itself. What gets me (Going of what you said) is that he never seems to have taken responsiblity for any of the relationships going wrong and that should've started alarm bells ringing. People can tell you whatever they want about past relationship but when they have NEVER done anything wrong then that's the time for you to say bye.

Anyway keep your head up and well done you .

I'm glad you say people, as there are folk of both genders that have married multiple times. I agree though, the OP has closed a chapter and it's time to move on :cool:

getmore4less

Slinky wrote: »

You've only been together 2 years and have spent 18 months 'trying to make it work'.

He's been married 3 times in his 30s......

Doesn't look like a recipe for a marriage made in heaven. Walk away before wasting any more time on him. Whilst you're with him, you are denying yourself the opportunity of meeting somebody who will be better suited to you.

Well done for ending,

something puzzled me, the above summarizes.

He seems to be able to draw women in, super nice guy etc. but then it goes wrong, seems to be around 6 month for you before he started to let the real person out.

Wondering how long these relationships were before they got married seems they did not see where it was going.

themull1

Whilst i have sympathy for the op, ive been married three times, and sometimes its not suspicious, and my third husband(he has been married twice before) and i are still very much in the honeymoon period after 2.5 years!! Not all people who have been married more than once are evil.!! Sometimes its just bad choices/mistakes/scared you'll be left on the shelf at 21!! To the op, good luck, you will have a better life now.xxx

hazymemory

Good work, sounded a nightmare.

Glad there was no drama when you ended it.

Ohtobehappy wrote: »

He always said he could do better than me.

How could anyone could think this, let alone say it.

Hope you find someone who cant believe their luck.

Mojisola

themull1 wrote: »

Whilst i have sympathy for the op, ive been married three times, and sometimes its not suspicious, and my third husband(he has been married twice before) and i are still very much in the honeymoon period after 2.5 years!! Not all people who have been married more than once are evil.!! Sometimes its just bad choices/mistakes/scared you'll be left on the shelf at 21!!

I think it was the "married three times and the break-ups were their fault, I'm perfect" attitude that rang warning bells.