Please can someone give me some advice. Husband left.

itzmee

Oh, and well done for losing 3 stone, that is a fantastic achievement and you should be very proud of yourself.

CruisingSaver

lostsoul75 wrote: »

He has agreed to marriage counselling, but then added "they will see that I have put everything into this marriage". Part of me wonders if this is a midlife crisis, as he will be turning 40 later this year. Or maybe it is this other woman? I feel I am going out of my mind over analyzing everything, in order to make sense of it all.

A week before he left he was telling me how much he was in love with me.

As others have said this man-child is a manipulative bullying drug abuser.


You cannot take anything he says as anywhere near the truth of the situation. His continued drug abuse coupled with his earlier alcohol problems have made him paranoid, emotionally unstable, and incapable of knowing the truth if it came up and bit him on the a*se.


As difficult as it will be, please don't take any notice of anything he says. Stop him from seeing the children until he's drug free, stop him from coming to your home, and stop paying for HIS lifestyle choices.


You and your children deserve so much better than this drug-addled scumbag.


CS xx

Valli

wow....

((((hugs))))

candygirl

Believe me hun, you are well rid of this emotionally abusive, drug addict, chauvinist pig!:mad Stop paying out for him, n concentrate on yourself n the kids x:A

globetraveller

What was he like before he took drugs? Has he always been like this? You may be feeling confused about how you feel about him just now but even if you think you still love him you must kick him out and refuse to see him/give him money for drugs/feed him. Don't give him hope that But with all the money he is spending every week you must also ask yourself if he should have unsupverised access to his kids. Therefore, as well as financial advice here you must get legal advice. If he cut off all contact with him perhaps, just perhaps he will hit rock bottom and somehow realise what he is doing. But don't let him back- he will try very hard for you to do that. In the meantime you may find managing without him money wise will be easier than with him!
Now- I AM going to talk about weight as this is something you need to try to get to grips with. You said earlier that you have been bulimic (sp) in the past and now you are talking about losing 5 pounds in a week and being disappointed with this. You may soon find yourself out of control with what you eat- in that you are not eaing enough. I've seen this happening with a colleague before. It was something she thought she could have control of. You are already walking a lot. By all means cut out or down on the unhealthy parts of your diet but eat things like home made soups with plenty of veg and also stews or stirfries where you use a little protein and a lot of veg. You can have what seems like a massive plate but is actually mainly veg. ( beansprouts really bulk out stirfries) YOu can also do the same with mince - lots of veg and make chilli, cottage pies, Bolognese etc As well as being good for you ti will help with money saving as well. Have a look at the slimming world threads here - there are lots of recipe ideas. You have to enjoy your food- don't use it as a punishment. Finally don't do all this because you want him back- do it because you want a new life and kicking him out and feeling better about yourself is a great start to it.
Hopefully this thread will set you off in the right direction and frame of mind. Also talk to family etc. You can't see what everyone else sees- yet. But you will.

Heffi1

If you have a joint bank account, now would be a good time to get your own and have your money sent there, cut off his supply to your funds, and then stop worrying about that. He will soon come running when he has no money and then you can confront exactly what it is he wants from you.

A harsh lesson that I think you would benefit from, all it takes is a bit of courage on your part, he does NOT need to be told that you are doing this.

You deserve to live your life in peace and at the moment, that seems like it is without him.

Get yourself to Relate and speak to them without him, he does not have to participate, if all he will do is blame you, then you need impartial advice that is geared to you making yourself stronger.

Morglin

lostsoul75 wrote: »

His behaviour is pretty erratic. Last Friday I went to bed at 10pm, and had my mobile and house phone on silent. I woke up to 15 missed calls from him, and he had contacted my friend wondering where I was, and asking if I was ok.

He turned up at the house, demanding to know why I hadn't answered. I replied it was none of his business, and he said it was, as I had his children there. He was meant to come and pick them up at 12, but went away at 11, and then said he wasn't bothering to come and get them at 12 now because of "my behaviour" and having to go to the house to check we were ok.

At 2pm I got a message demanding to take the children out. I said we were just getting ready to go out, so no. This made him angry, and I later found out he had sent a fb message to my son saying that he wanted to take him and his sister out, but I wouldn't let him!

In a later conversation he proceeded to ask me in all seriousness if I was recording the call.

He lurches to hatred, and refusing to speak to me to saying we can get through this, and he will move back in when his Uni work is completed. I am so confused.

Last night he said the marriage was over on the phone, but came for dinner, and said he would agree to give me time to lose weight and change.

I am just so lost and confused, and can make no sense of anything. I feel like such a stupid, fat, ugly failure.

To be honest, I don't even know why you want him, as you are describing a lazy, immature and controlling druggie, who is playing you like a fiddle, and obviously couldn't give a toss about the feelings of your children or you.

What makes him so obviously desirable and lovable to you?

The weight loss, or not, should be your decision. I lose about 4lbs a week, at the moment, on Weightwatchers online, and it works, but I wouldn't do it because my husband thought I should!

I got a couple of stone overweight and I decided to lose it, and my husband would never have even cared about it one way or another.

I walked out of a 30 year earlier marriage, and it's never easy, but my advice would be to tell him to do one, cut off any financial supply, change the locks and get on with your life.

Stop being his victim, and start to enjoy your life!

Lin:)

slightlyconfused1

It's time to stop letting him dictate the situation.

Cut him off financially and cut him off emotionally. He has left fine. Next time says he may come for dinner say no. Don't answer the phone to him. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. You need to eat and keep healthy for your kids.

It is time to establish a new normal. Children need routine so establish a routine for the five of you. Treat every good moment as a victory. It's not easy but life will be easier when you remove the stress his behaviour is causing

Tenyearstogo

You can either be reactive or proactive. Happy people are proactive. They decide what they want in life and set out to achieve it.

You can either be a single mum who is reactive to the moods and actions of your husband who comes and goes as he pleases or a single mum who is proactive in maintaining a happy home for her children and just happens to have a useless ex husband.

Your choice.

lostsoul75

He came round earlier to drop off our daughter and collect our son, who is staying for the evening. When he hurriedly moved out his stuff when he left, the bedroom was in chaos - and still remains that way. Consequently, our son's bag of expensive sparring gear for his Tae Kwon Do was moved.

I have quickly looked, but could never find it - meaning he didn't take it to class. He only got it at Christmas from a member of the inlaw side. When my husband (if I can even call him that) was here he asked my son about the gear, and son said how he couldn't find it.

Husband went mental shouting and swearing at me, saying I should have taken better care of it, and that it was my fault it was missing. I mentioned how he was the one who left, and made all the mess, and that things have been very difficult since he left, and he replied that if it had been one of my family who had bought it, it would have been better taken care off.

He tore the room apart, disgusted at the mess (even though he was the one who made it) and called me a "dirty b****).

Stormed off, and told me not to contact him again till I had found it.

My nerves are in tatters and I really do not know how much more of this I can take. Especially when I am trying so hard to lose weight, be a better wife and mother, as well as keep it together.

I don;t understand how he could just change like this so suddenly, and have all this hatred towards me. He used to be so loving, and was till I confronted him about those emails and all this started.

I am so confused.