Please can someone give me some advice. Husband left.

lostsoul75

I just think that if I lose all this weight it will make things better. I am just not thinking straight just now. It just feels as though things are going from bad to worse. It isn't helping that he is blowing hot and cold, and his family have all turned against me. I have no support either. It is all so hard, and I don't know if I can cope with it all.

BitterAndTwisted

You haven't let anyone down. You've been carrying the responsibility for your entire family on your back, alone from the sound of things.

If he really is spending £100 a week on cannabis plus blowouts on cocaine: money that should have been spent to the whole family's benefit, tell me this. What precisely is this shining new future he has ahead of him without you providing the support and the wherewithall? What has he done to support you and your children for the last x number of years?

You might not be able to see it right now but he's a liability. A millstone around your neck.

lostsoul75

What's annoying him right now is that I seem to be doing great without him, and losing weight - and why didn't I do it before? He added that the reason I didn't was that I didn't care about him or respect him.

It just seems that no matter what I say or do, it isn't going to be good enough.

BitterAndTwisted

lostsoul75 wrote: »

I just think that if I lose all this weight it will make things better. I am just not thinking straight just now.

Losing the weight will make things better. Certain things, and better for you. But this isn't the root-cause of the problems your husband is causing you. It's just a convenient stick for him to beat you with.

I know it's easy to say but try to focus on issues not related to your weight. Like what a selfish, using and heartless a-hole your husband is, and why you need to get him out of your life.

JIL

Do you think if you were thinner his actions would be any different?
They wouldn't, there would be something else to blame.
Maybe he is under a lot of pressure, but that's no excuse and no different to what others are going through every day of their lives.
You can't change him or make him see sense, he needs to do that himself.
You need to concentrate on your health. You will need to be strong for your family. You need a more healthy diet than lemon and barley water.
I wish you the very best of luck.

TopQuark

OP, losing weight will make things better - but for YOU and your life; without him. It will take time and effort but it can be done and you can do it. But don't do it with some half-hearted hope that it will 'win' him back - he has shown himself for the loser he is so think of him as part of your past from this day forward.

You have 4 children so you can cope and you must cope for their sake as well as your own. If you are feeling very low, call the Samaritans today as they are there precisely for times like this.

paulineb_2

You could lose a lot of weight and he'd still act like an idiot. That's just a smokescreen. If he cared he'd be supporting you.

He's doing the exact opposite. The I'm perfect and you are useless is something I've been through myself. It's a toxic situation to be in and it messes with your head.

There's no happiness for you at the moment. Get back together and I bet there would be little either.

msb5262

TopQuark wrote: »

I have to disagree, at least in part, with those who say that the weight issues are the least of the OP's problems. From what I can see, they are the biggest.

The OP's husband is treating her appallingly, but as someone said, this likely comes back to the weight issue - low self esteem means her standards are lowered and she's putting up with his k.r.a.p.

Words fail me.
Except....please don't keep on about her weight. PLEASE. That's all.

troubleinparadise

So his lifestyle choices include £100 weekly on cannabis, and coke too?

And he criticises your weight?

Not a man I'd like to be relying on as a partner or parent and role model for my children.

Look after yourself; right now you need to focus on you and your children, keeping structure for them and you. Go to see your GP and talk through your problems with them, see what support they can give you.

You aren't alone, even if it all feels horrible at the moment

TopQuark

msb5262 wrote: »

Words fail me.
Except....please don't keep on about her weight. PLEASE. That's all.

You mis-interpret me. What I meant was that the OP's low self-esteem, which is heavily influenced by weight, means that she is putting up with her husband's abuse when she may not otherwise do. But whether she lost a load of weight or gained more, her husband would still be a loser and she needs to recognise this, as others have said.