Please can someone give me some advice. Husband left.

lostsoul75

He thinks his cannabis use is perfectly acceptable, and blames my lack of understanding and acceptance of it as part of the problem.

BitterAndTwisted

TopQuark: please stop focussing on the OP's weight! This is not the root of the problem and if or when the weight-issue becomes resolved it will not solve all of the problems there are in this relationship.

No man goes out and spends £100 a week of the family's budget on bloody drugs because his wife is too fat for his liking! No man has done any of the other things mentioned because his wife is carrying a few too many pounds. He does it because he's a selfish, uncaring, cruel and manipulative a-hole.

Auntie-Dolly

£100 per week on drugs and he's a student? Where does all the money come from? Think how much better off you will be without him - you could buy another car. Tell him not to come back unless it is to pick up the children and concentrate on making things better for you.

TopQuark

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

No man goes out and spends £100 a week of the family's budget on bloody drugs because his wife is too fat for his liking! No man has done any of the other things mentioned because his wife is carrying a few too many pounds. He does it because he's a selfish, uncaring, cruel and manipulative a-hole.

I totally agree!! Like I said, he would do it regardless, because he is a loser.

BitterAndTwisted

lostsoul75 wrote: »

He thinks his cannabis use is perfectly acceptable, and blames my lack of understanding and acceptance of it as part of the problem.

He's the one who is deluded, not you.

The occasional smoke with chums once in a blue moon is one thing but spending £100 a week quite another. He's at risk of serious mental problems himself, like psychosis with that amount of drug-abuse. He could already be well on the way to it, depending on how long he's been doing it.

His degree isn't necessarily going to be providing him with much of a golden future then, is it?

thorsoak

lostsoul75 wrote: »

He thinks his cannabis use is perfectly acceptable, and blames my lack of understanding and acceptance of it as part of the problem.

What world is he living in? A drug-induced fantasy world. Believe us, IT IS NOT NORMAL to blow £100 a week on blow and goodness knows what else on crack!

For the sake of your children YOU have to throw him out immediately! This is not a healthy environment in which they should grow up - take responsibility, don't just get angry with him - get furious - and get him out of your life - and start living.

You are doing well with your weight loss - but you do need to eat something - its as unhealthy to starve yourself on lemon barley water as it is to stuff yourself on McDonalds!

Just do it!

marisco_2

How horrible for you. Your husband is making it very clear in his words and through his actions that he wants out of your marriage. He isn't man enough to just admit that to you. Instead he chooses to lay all the blame for the state of your relationship at your door. Telling you that it is too little too late and upsets and undermines you at every given opportunity, to the stage where you have hardly any confidence or sense of self worth left. He is trying to push you away. My advice is to call a day on such a destructive and toxic marriage before it destroys you and really impacts badly on your children.

As a side point funding someone's drug addiction does nothing to improve their ability to study. It only serves to enable them to behave irrationally and decreases their ability to function properly and treat those around them in a decent and respectful way. Stop throwing money away on cannabis, and put it towards financing a safe and secure future for yourself and the children.

TopQuark

marisco wrote: »

he wants out of your marriage. He isn't man enough to just admit that to you.

This. This is what is happening OP. You need to turn your back on him now and focus on your own health and life.

lostsoul75

His behaviour is pretty erratic. Last Friday I went to bed at 10pm, and had my mobile and house phone on silent. I woke up to 15 missed calls from him, and he had contacted my friend wondering where I was, and asking if I was ok.

He turned up at the house, demanding to know why I hadn't answered. I replied it was none of his business, and he said it was, as I had his children there. He was meant to come and pick them up at 12, but went away at 11, and then said he wasn't bothering to come and get them at 12 now because of "my behaviour" and having to go to the house to check we were ok.

At 2pm I got a message demanding to take the children out. I said we were just getting ready to go out, so no. This made him angry, and I later found out he had sent a fb message to my son saying that he wanted to take him and his sister out, but I wouldn't let him!

In a later conversation he proceeded to ask me in all seriousness if I was recording the call.

He lurches to hatred, and refusing to speak to me to saying we can get through this, and he will move back in when his Uni work is completed. I am so confused.

Last night he said the marriage was over on the phone, but came for dinner, and said he would agree to give me time to lose weight and change.

I am just so lost and confused, and can make no sense of anything. I feel like such a stupid, fat, ugly failure.

marisco_2

Auntie-Dolly wrote: »

Tell him not to come back unless it is to pick up the children and concentrate on making things better for you.

This suggestion will most likely not go down well. Personally though I'd be of a mind to encourage him not to come back until he was clean of drugs. No child of mine would go off with someone, who quite clearly puts his drug addiction above everything else. I could never forgive myself if anything were to happen to young children, whilst the adult responsible for them got high as a kite on drugs.