Wedding dilemma

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

Please say you're not serious?

Horace made perfect sense to me, especially for a small intimate wedding where numbers have to be kept down.

sulphate

I think the fact that your wife appears to be the only wife not invited is the main issue here. I do think that's rude. Perhaps the bride and groom don't know her as well as the other wives, or something, but it still looks like a snub. I think if you are going to exclude a certain "group" i.e. other halves, children, etc... you need to exclude ALL of them and not make exceptions.

Person_one

balletshoes wrote: »

Horace made perfect sense to me, especially for a small intimate wedding where numbers have to be kept down.

If wedding planners are now actually advising couples that being rude to their guests is a good idea, then the monstrosity that is the wedding industry and the 'my perfect special day where I don't have to consider other people' culture has officially taken over, I suppose.

balletshoes

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

It turns out that the couple are not having an evening do and therefore can't invite everybody to the wedding.

Is it still rude for the invite not to include my wife?
The wife doesn't want me to go on my own, is that fair?
All my friends wife's are invited apart from mine, what's that about?
If I pull out of the stag do will this now offend my friend?

what do you think OP? You're the one who knows the couple/at least one of the couple.

peachyprice

Person_one wrote: »

Who said anything like that?

We're talking about weddings, a very specific event, not about having to drag husbands along on girls' nights out or for coffee with your sister!

Well obviously husbands wouldn't be dragged on a girls night out, otherwise it wouldn't be a girls night out.

My group of friends have arranged a fair few charity nights for friends in need, the majority of husbands haven't come along. I've been to birthday parties and meals for my friends that most husbands haven't come to. My husband goes to do's at the golf club that I don't go to, all because we do not know these people and really don't find it necessary to tag along.

I really, really, for the life of me can't see why weddings are any different and need to be put in their own category, it's a wedding, that's all, not an audience with the pope. Just a wedding, a gathering of family and relevant friends, why would anybody want to go to a wedding of a couple they hardly knew?

poet123

It isn't about couples being joined at the hip, it is about the specifics of wedding etiquette. I suspect it has been watered down because a lot of couples want an expensive wedding with all the trimmings but can't afford to pay for it to be done "correctly" or rather done in accordance with accepted etiquette, so they cut the corners and then seek to justify it. Which is fine but most people can see through that to the real reasons behind it.

balletshoes

poet123 wrote: »

It isn't about couples being joined at the hip, it is about the specifics of wedding etiquette. I suspect it has been watered down because a lot of couples want an expensive wedding with all the trimmings but can't afford to pay for it to be done "correctly" or rather done in accordance with accepted etiquette, so they cut the corners and then seek to justify it. Which is fine but most people can see through that to the real reasons behind it.

can it really not just be as simple as the couple want the wedding they want, with the guests they want?

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Who said anything like that?

We're talking about weddings, a very specific event, not about having to drag husbands along on girls' nights out or for coffee with your sister!

I always think its telling when person one and I agree.


Btw, I was talking about this to my mother today (avoids discussing issues we strongly disagree on) and she pointed out to me I was VERY wrong in etiquette to say I thought it was ok to clarify the invitation was for OP alone. And open should always absolutely accept what is written, and decide purely on that basis. So I consider myself told and on thinking about it agree.

However, I probably wouldn't't go to the wedding for those reasons others have described PLUS: weekends are precious time in my I particular living situation with my husband, and at weddings its nice to appreciate one's own spouse and value of relationship to add strength of good wishes and hopes in silent support to the couple. I think If I were sitting there thinking 'i missed one of the days of two a week I get with MY spouse' I would, to my admitted discredit feel a bit torn.

If it were mid week when my DH isn't here 8'd go though, and if the people knew me they might have invited just me on that basis and I wouldn't consider it rude.

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

Just a wedding, a gathering of family and relevant friends, why would anybody want to go to a wedding of a couple they hardly knew?

I would want to go with my husband to be with him in the very precious time off. To meet people he cared about and join in celebrating them going on. I feel if they are people who want him at their wedding they might well be people who want an ongoing relationship and to share with him what's important in his life too.

In our group we find that the friends ships from early adult life that have suffered most aren't single versus couples, those who have moved elsewhere, or those who've had children /those who haven't who have drifted, its the ones whose partners just don't show an interest in anything, so any weekends with further flung friends ex , or evenings out are hardy because the spouse ain't keen.

I think its a natural thing, and that some friendships drift anyway, but its an added pressure.

poet123

balletshoes wrote: »

can it really not just be as simple as the couple want the wedding they want, with the guests they want?

Of course it can be, if they don't mind appearing rude.;)