Wedding dilemma

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

This is a 'dilemma' that's only come about in recent years though, as ordinary people have expected to have more 'special', more personalised and more expensive weddings. Back when most people just booked a function room above a pub or club or so on and put on a buffet there was never any question that it might be ok to exclude the husbands and wives of your guests.

That may be mostly true, but it still doesn't mean people should be guilt tripped into not having the do that they want just so someone can bring their partner, who you're not even friends with.

And in my case numbers are limited because the registration halls where we are getting married, only holds 35 people. It's nothing to do with cost.

Don't get me wrong though, I would love to be able to invite more people, but the fact is we CANNOT have more than 35 people. We are having 80 ish along for an evening do though.
But the fact of the matter is, already I can't invite all the friends I would like to, so if there were 2 spaces spare, I would rather invite 2 of my best friends individually, rather than 1 with their partner, if I wasn't really close to their OH.

bagpussbear

I do think it's rude to only invite you and not your wife. I would never dream of doing that.

How does your wife feel about it. If she isn't too bothered, then go. If she is put out by it, then I don't think you should go, your loyalty is to your wife and not your friend who quite frankly has asked what I consider to be an ill-mannered request.

Realise there are differing views on this thread about it, but the way I see it is you are being asked to celebrate a 'union' yet the fact you (and others) are asked not to bring the other half of your own union, well that feels a bit hypocritical to me.

GobbledyGook

Person_one wrote: »

Well yes, its my opinion, but its not just my opinion its also been a tradition for a really long time and is what the etiquette guides like Debrett's recommend as the best way to behave.

If you can't afford to invite both halves of a couple, have a cheaper wedding or maybe invite them both to the evening do.

Just because it's a tradition doesn't make it something that fits every wedding. Debrett's still talk about the Bride being given away by her father despite many women choosing not too. Times change and it takes time for etiquette guides to catch up.

There is no need to have a cheaper wedding (they may be having a cheap wedding) and if they invite a friend a night then you get people on here huffing about not being invited to the important bit of the day.

What Debrett's and co need to add to their guide is that it's a invitation you get sent. It's not a summons so if you don't like the venue, the choice of groom or the fact that your other half/children aren't invited then you politely decline. No need for big debates or dramas. Go or don't.

People forget when they think about their partner as 'just one person' there is possibly two loads of workmates plus various friends that have the whole 'plus one or not' dilemma attached. If the friend is just the friend of one of you then there's no harm at all, imo, in inviting just the friend, who'll presumably have the company of other friends.

arbroath_lass

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

I've have recently been invited to a friends wedding but on receiving the invitation I realise it's only has my name on the invite and no mention of my wife! Having thought this was a mistake I text him (awkward) and politely asked if it included my wife, in which he replied no because numbers are tight and we can't invite all "other halves".

With this in mind do I go to the wedding regardless?
Was I rude in asking my friend if it included my wife?
Should I attend his stag do out of general principle?

I think your friend has been incredibly rude in not inviting your wife. I would never have dreamed of doing this to either my or my husband's friends. However, I married 20 odd years ago and it seems to be the done thing now. Personally, I find it very sad.

PenguinOfDeath

I had this a few years ago, I knew the bride through another friend and my partner had only met her and her Groom once. I received an invite to the whole day, without my partner on there. I did enquire about him but as they were only having a small do they couldn't for everyone's partner in. We completely understood and I had a lovely day celebrating with my friends.

pmlindyloo

I must admit I would be cheesed off if I didn't receive an invitation.

It's something called etiquette (call me old fashioned) and recognising your status.

Anyone can go to the actual wedding ceremony - is it in a church or registry office (where numbers might be limited)

As usual I would opt for compromise>

Go to the stag do - men only is the tradition.

Both go to the church or if registry office wait outside to share in the moment.

Then both turn up for the evening do. Sorted.

Of course if your wife isn't interested in going at all then you haven't got a problem!

Very bad form in my book.

tea_lover

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Then both turn up for the evening do. Sorted.

Unless you're not actually invited - in which case this is just passive aggressive rudeness.

GobbledyGook

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I must admit I would be cheesed off if I didn't receive an invitation.

It's something called etiquette (call me old fashioned) and recognising your status.

Anyone can go to the actual wedding ceremony - is it in a church or registry office (where numbers might be limited)

As usual I would opt for compromise>

Go to the stag do - men only is the tradition.

Both go to the church or if registry office wait outside to share in the moment.

Then both turn up for the evening do. Sorted.

Of course if your wife isn't interested in going at all then you haven't got a problem!

Very bad form in my book.

How does old fashioned etiquette tally with turning up to the evening do with his wife, who he knows isn't invited?

emz118

I don't see that this is rude at all! at our wedding, I invited my group of uni friends (8 girls plus a baby.) 2 of them were married at that time, and one other had a long term (2+years) OH. I did not invite husbands or partners. The girls were all more than happy with this... they had a rare opportunity to all get together and reminisce/catch up etc without worrying about the fact that they would have had 3 men who didn't know each other or any of the other girls very well.


However, I did invite partners of 4 other friends who didn't really know anyone else, as that is a different situation altogether!!!


In a similar way, the first of the other uni weddings my OH (together for 7 years!) was not invited, and the other one he was, but I RSVPed and said that he wouldn't be joining me.

onlyroz

At my wedding (not the reception) we only had 20 guests. One of my friends was in a relatively new relationship but I still invited her partner. My mum objected to this because there were other people that I hadn't invited and "you've never actually met this guy". However, I would have thought it rude to invite my friend and not her partner - was he expected to stand outside and twiddle his thumbs until the evening reception?