Wedding dilemma

tea_lover

I'd hate to think I was only going to be invited to things as a couple for the rest of my life, how depressing! You're inviting someone for a day out, a meal - not telling them their marriage is worthless. Am amazed at the lack of perspective of some posts on this thread.

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

surely this is a bit of an over reaction? The groom has already explained that spaces are limited.

as I mentioned, I am getting married in July and the invites to the wedding and meal are limited to 35. after my OH and I have invited all our family, there is only room for 5 friends between us.

I have quite a few good friends, but I am not close to their partners. If I wanted to invite them to my wedding when spaces were so limited I would have no hesitation in inviting them solo, but extending an invite to their partners for the evening do.

There's nothing rude about it, there just isn't enough space.

However, I would explain the situation to my friend, before I sent the invites out.

I can understand why you wish to believe it isn't rude, as you've chosen to do this yourself, but I'm afraid it is.

Married, engaged or civil partnered couples and couples who live together should be invited together.

tea_lover

Person_one wrote: »

I can understand why you wish to believe it isn't rude, as you've chosen to do this yourself, but I'm afraid it is.

Married, engaged or civil partnered couples and couples who live together should be invited together.

Why??? They're separate people!! Just because you're married doesn't mean you're going to sit on one chair or eat one meal between you. Why invite and pay for people you might not have even met just because of who they are with?

GobbledyGook

Person_one wrote: »

I can understand why you wish to believe it isn't rude, as you've chosen to do this yourself, but I'm afraid it is.

Married, engaged or civil partnered couples and couples who live together should be invited together.

In your opinion...

In the opinion of several people it isn't rude.

Just because a friend marries someone doesn't make them your friend as well. I've known the girls I go to Aquafit with for about 4 years. I've been on nights out with them, but of the 5 of us they've only met my OH when he picked me up and I've met one of their husbands in that way. I think it would be incredibly rude of the other 4 of us to expect the one getting married (if one was) to spend money on meals for our husbands that they'd never met. It'd be even ruder to expect them to use a place that could be used for one of their friends on someone they'd never met.

Person_one

tea_lover wrote: »

Why??? They're separate people!! Just because you're married doesn't mean you're going to sit on one chair or eat one meal between you. Why invite and pay for people you might not have even met just because of who they are with?

Because you are asking someone to spend a day of their life (and usually a bit of cash) on celebrating your marriage, your relationship, your lifelong legal and emotional commitment. Do you not think perhaps you should acknowledge theirs?

Anyway, if you don't know the partners of your friends, here's the chance to meet them!

Person_one

GobbledyGook wrote: »

In your opinion...

In the opinion of several people it isn't rude.

Well yes, its my opinion, but its not just my opinion its also been a tradition for a really long time and is what the etiquette guides like Debrett's recommend as the best way to behave.

If you can't afford to invite both halves of a couple, have a cheaper wedding or maybe invite them both to the evening do.

tea_lover

Person_one wrote: »

Because you are asking someone to spend a day of their life (and usually a bit of cash) on celebrating your marriage, your relationship, your lifelong legal and emotional commitment. Do you not think perhaps you should acknowledge theirs?

I just cannot see it like that. Inviting people you know to your own wedding isn't a statement about anyone else's relationship. You're invited to be someone's guest, not the star of the show. I think some people need to get over themselves tbh.

My partner and I still have our own friends (as well as many joint ones of course) and I know that neither of us would be in the slightest bit offended about just one of us being invited to an invite by one of our 'own' friends (iyswim). I'm genuinely surprised that anyone would think it's rude.

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

I can understand why you wish to believe it isn't rude, as you've chosen to do this yourself, but I'm afraid it is.

In "your opinion", it's rude, but in my opinion it isn't.

In my opinion it would be ruder, not to invite one of my really good friends, just because there wasn't space for their partner.

I also think it would be rude If I expected someone to invite my OH to something, if they didn't know them, possibly spending over £100 that they couldn't afford, just to avoid insulting me.

ratty2608

Unless the bride or groom are close friends with your wife as well, I don't see a problem with this in principle. But it is rude that a conversation was not had before the invitations were sent out. I did this to friends at my wedding, and have had it done to me, but in both cases a conversation was had beforehand explaining the reasons & reassuring the invitee that they would be seated with people they knew. But I would have also understood if a friend didn't want to attend on that basis (it is, after all, an invitation, not a summons!). So I don't think you should feel guilty about sending your apologies if attending alone will make you or your wife feel uncomfortable.

Person_one

19lottie82 wrote: »

In "your opinion", it's rude, but in my opinion it isn't.

In my opinion it would be ruder, not to invite one of my really good friends, just because there wasn't space for their partner.

I also think it would be rude If I expected someone to invite my OH to something, if they didn't know them, possibly spending over £100 that they couldn't afford, just to avoid insulting me.

This is a 'dilemma' that's only come about in recent years though, as ordinary people have expected to have more 'special', more personalised and more expensive weddings. Back when most people just booked a function room above a pub or club or so on and put on a buffet there was never any question that it might be ok to exclude the husbands and wives of your guests.