Wedding dilemma

pops5588

I think this thread pretty much sums up quite well what the problem is with weddings these days. Too much politics involved! Everyone is different, and will therefore have a different view point. Some people will invite kids, some won't. Some people will invite OHs, some won't. There is always a case of "I invited this friend so I should invite this friend, but then if I invite that friend I have to invite this friend of a friend....." and ultimately no matter what you do, someone will be annoyed and feel like they're missing out. Sorry but in my eyes a wedding day and a marriage isn't about anyone else but the two people who are actually paying for the whole bloomin' thing.

Cut them some slack. If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't. Easy peasy

lauroar

If the numbers are tight then the couple getting married could either:

- Invite OPs wife at the expense of a currently invited single attendee. Single person who knows the bride/groom well will likely be offended.

- Invite OPs wife and another person's partner at the expense of a currently invited couple who are both know to the bride and/or groom. Non-invited couple may be offended.

- Not invite OPs wife. OP and/or wife are offended.

They can't win, in this case they chose the option to potentially offend the person they do not know.

gbartlett1980

It turns out that the couple are not having an evening do and therefore can't invite everybody to the wedding.

Is it still rude for the invite not to include my wife?
The wife doesn't want me to go on my own, is that fair?
All my friends wife's are invited apart from mine, what's that about?
If I pull out of the stag do will this now offend my friend?

lauroar

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

It turns out that the couple are not having an evening do and therefore can't invite everybody to the wedding.

Is it still rude for the invite not to include my wife?
The wife doesn't want me to go on my own, is that fair?
All my friends wife's are invited apart from mine, what's that about?
If I pull out of the stag do will this now offend my friend?

Ok well this additional information does change the situation/appropriate advice somewhat.

No evening do means it wasn't possible to invite you/your wife just for the evening (obviously). I think it's very rude to invite 'equivalent' wives and not yours and as your wife doesn't want to you go, I would politely decline the invitation. I couldn't comment if your friend would be offended if you didn't attend the stag do, the question is, are you bothered about offending him now he's 'snubbed' your wife?

GobbledyGook

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

It turns out that the couple are not having an evening do and therefore can't invite everybody to the wedding.

Is it still rude for the invite not to include my wife?
The wife doesn't want me to go on my own, is that fair?
All my friends wife's are invited apart from mine, what's that about?
If I pull out of the stag do will this now offend my friend?

No, in fact in many ways it makes more sense. They are obviously having a very small wedding, rather than the lavish all day do that has become the norm, so have had to draw the line somewhere.

Do the other wives know both of the couple better than your wife?

Why does your wife not want you to go?

If you pull out of the stag do stating that it's because your wife wasn't invited to the wedding then your friend may be offended. Why would you pull out of the stag do? If you couldn't go to the wedding for another reason (say it clashed with a family wedding) would you still go to the stag do?

Fuzzy_Duck

I think the issue with not inviting people's partners is that you're asking people to come and celebrate your relationship but appear to be snubbing theirs in the process.

Personally I'd go to the stag do but decline the wedding invite.

claire16c

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

It turns out that the couple are not having an evening do and therefore can't invite everybody to the wedding.

Is it still rude for the invite not to include my wife?
The wife doesn't want me to go on my own, is that fair?
All my friends wife's are invited apart from mine, what's that about?
If I pull out of the stag do will this now offend my friend?

Well thats just bizarre if the other wives are invited.

Like I said before the only situation I can think that this is appropriate in, is if its work colleagues, or perhaps a group of uni friends or something to that effect, where there is enough of them to spend the day together.

Whereas if I was invited to a wedding and didnt really know anyone else and my husband wasnt invited, well then clearly I wouldnt want to go as would be worried about who Id be speaking to all day, and making awkward conversations with other couples.

If my friends were going and their husbands were invited and not mine, then I definitely wouldnt go!

Is there anyway you can ask the groom why its only your wife who hasnt been invited?

pmlindyloo

GobbledyGook wrote: »

How does old fashioned etiquette tally with turning up to the evening do with his wife, who he knows isn't invited?

Whoops, sorry - thought wife was invited to the evening do.

tea_lover

I think it's a bit rude for your wife not to want you to go on your own.

Indie_Kid

How well does your wife know your friend?