Wedding dilemma

esmerelda98

Person_one wrote: »

Well, we're all different I suppose. Personally, doing nice things for other people is one of my favourite things in the world, very little makes me happier.

I do think selfishness and self absorption is increasing in our society, at an alarming rate since the Tories got in and seemed hell bent on promoting it, and I don't think its a good thing at all.

It's funny, I was thinking that this sense of entitlement some have about being invited whenever their partner is, more than a bit self-absorbed. I can understand being disappointed. I can understand deciding that as a couple you'd rather not go. It's the outrage I don't get.

lostinrates

esmerelda98 wrote: »

It's funny, I was thinking that this sense of entitlement some have about being invited whenever their partner is, more than a bit self-absorbed. I can understand being disappointed. I can understand deciding that as a couple you'd rather not go. It's the outrage I don't get.

I have just re read the thread and I don't sense any personal outrage especially. (No more we on this board can ague over various nothings and somethings certainly)

( edit, and actually, I'd say that's from both pov of this topic. )

poet123

esmerelda98 wrote: »

It's funny, I was thinking that this sense of entitlement some have about being invited whenever their partner is, more than a bit self-absorbed. I can understand being disappointed. I can understand deciding that as a couple you'd rather not go. It's the outrage I don't get.

I don't think anyone is outraged. I think people are just commenting that they don't think it is the right way to approach the problem of finite numbers.

claire16c

balletshoes wrote: »

under what circumstances would this happen, realistically?

It happened at a friends wedding.

It was different in that the lady was single, but she was invited as she was the brides Uni friend. But didn't know anyone else at the wedding, she'd only met me once. So I tried to talk to her as much as I could as otherwise she was basically on her own the whole day.

Or it could be that someone invites maybe their best friend from work, but no one else from work.

I have a uni friend who lives miles away, I don't know any of her friends so if she were to invite me and not my husband I wouldn't know anyone. But then she'd never do that!

claire16c

poet123 wrote: »

I couldn't do what the daughter of a friend has done and let her parents pay for everything (to the tune of approx £20,000)but also refuse to "allow" them to invite any of their friends whom they do not know (even though her parents have been to all their children's weddings and are very embarrassed about not reciprocating) We are talking about 6 extra people at a wedding for 150, but it has been vetoed absolutely.

We are all different but there should be an element of compromise imo.

Well that's the parents fault for not insisting on it or withdrawing the money then. Although quite why they want to invite their friends who don't know the bride & groom I'm not sure.

arbroath_lass

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

It turns out that the couple are not having an evening do and therefore can't invite everybody to the wedding.

Is it still rude for the invite not to include my wife?
The wife doesn't want me to go on my own, is that fair?
All my friends wife's are invited apart from mine, what's that about?
If I pull out of the stag do will this now offend my friend?

If your friend is not worried about offending you why would you worry about offending him?

ska_lover

I don't understand the problem with this at all. Even a cheaply done wedding is fairly expensive and the couple sound like they have the right idea by inviting a set amount and not getting carried away with what other people expect / demand.

Good for them, I take my hat of to them for not bowing to it

Whatever a couple do, or don't do / spend or don't spend - People who aren't entitled to an opinion will insist on voicing one, what their idea of a 'real wedding' is, and if you do this or that then you are guaranteed to be divorced within six months. There's nothing like weddings for people getting on their high horse, as this thread proves. There is an awful lot of pressure on brides and grooms to consider guests comfort / requirements on their own wedding day, and please everyone, inc strangers they have never met(friends spouses..etc)

It's their wedding, it's their money - they should do it their way.

duchy

It does seem a bit hypocritical to be inviting someone to celebrate your joining with someone for life ...........and exclude your guest's life partner.

Personally there are few (if any ) wedding invitations I'd accept which excluded my partner. I wouldn't be offended -I'd just feel I wouldn't especially want to go to a coupley type event solo at the expense of spending valuable time off with my fiance. It's an invitation after all-to be accepted or declined- not an obligation -unless you choose to make it so.

lostinrates

arbroath_lass wrote: »

If your friend is not worried about offending you why would you worry about offending him?

Its not offensive to turn down an invitation politely.

Georgiegirl256

ska_lover wrote: »

I don't understand the problem with this at all. Even a cheaply done wedding is fairly expensive .

Not really, not if you don't want it to. Like with anything, you can do it as cheaply or as expensive as you want to.
. There is an awful lot of pressure on brides and grooms to consider guests comfort / requirements on their own wedding day, and please everyone, inc strangers they have never met(friends spouses..etc)

Again, not really. No pressure unless you yourself create pressure for yourself.

It's their wedding, it's their money - they should do it their way.

Yes they should do it their way, what they do or don't do at their wedding is totally down to them I agree, but it shouldn't be at the expensive of hurting other people's feelings. Never mind the basic etiquette, it's what is called basic manners!

If you're being invited to a do where there is a load of old Uni friends, or work mates all going to be sitting together, then that's not so bad, but to just invite one half of a couple when there's potentionaly no one else there that you know, then IMO I think that's just wrong, and especially so in this particular case where everyone's wife except the OP's wife was invited.