Wedding dilemma

JIL

This happened to some work colleagues recently. To be honest I was shocked that they invite one half of a married couple to celebrate a couple getting married.
I was told it it quite common these days. I wouldn't like it if just my husband or just me was invited. But it didn't seem to bother them. Maybe I'm just getting old.

claire16c

JIL wrote: »

This happened to some work colleagues recently. To be honest I was shocked that they invite one half of a married couple to celebrate a couple getting married.
I was told it it quite common these days. I wouldn't like it if just my husband or just me was invited. But it didn't seem to bother them. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm 30 so I've been to a lot of weddings in the past few years and I have never come across this apart from one occasion where all work colleagues were invited without partners but there was a few of us so I think thats fair enough, and one other time where a friend of mine, was invited to a wedding with her boyfriend and her uni friends & their boyfriends, all apart from one girl who apparently the bride deemed her relationship to be not serious/long enough to invite her OH.

So she was expected to travel a couple of hundred miles and stay on her own & sit with a table of couples. It caused huge arguments & very bad feeling. So I don't think this is they common at all!

I think it's also rather ridiculous basing who to invite like that just on the basis of oh she's only been with him a few months won't invite him, when for all she knew one of the long term couples could have been just about to split up, so she was judging them all on their relationships!

Georgiegirl256

ska_lover wrote: »

No....My postactually said 'there is an awful lot of pressure on bride/grooms to consider the comfort of their guests'....how does that translate, into the above? I think that is a factual statement, yes there is an awful lot of pressure on brides and grooms to consider guests.

Ermmm well yeah! Of course the bride and groom should consider the comfort of their guests! It's like an party/occasion that you would invite guests to in that you want to make sure that your guests are A, Comfortable and B, Having a good time.

So any pressure you making, you're making for yourself. Personally, I would always want to consider the comfort of my guests.

burnoutbabe

Doesn't sound odd at all. I have more fun with my group of girly mates when its just "the girls" rather than if anyone brings a partner. Same as work night outs, its a different vibe when everyone brings an outsider, rather than just work mates.

poet123

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Doesn't sound odd at all. I have more fun with my group of girly mates when its just "the girls" rather than if anyone brings a partner. Same as work night outs, its a different vibe when everyone brings an outsider, rather than just work mates.

I would agree with that, but to me, weddings are a different kind of social occasion.

burnoutbabe

it depends

say I invited all my "girly mates" to my wedding. say 4 of them. Now 1 has a partner, never met him. would be more natural to invite all 4 of them as one gang, not invite 1 persons +1 and the other 3 have no one. As long as the guests are comfortable and know people they will be sat with, thats fine.

poet123

burnoutbabe wrote: »

it depends

say I invited all my "girly mates" to my wedding. say 4 of them. Now 1 has a partner, never met him. would be more natural to invite all 4 of them as one gang, not invite 1 persons +1 and the other 3 have no one. As long as the guests are comfortable and know people they will be sat with, thats fine.

In that situation I would simply invite him and let them decide whether one or both attend.

What would you do if 3 out of 4 had partners and one didn't?

I think when a host starts to "socially engineer" it can lead to problems.

burnoutbabe

If it was local I still think I'd invite just the 4. Especially if we never socialised with our partners.

As it would be a choice - invite 4 people I don't know or invite 4 more people I do know and are friends with.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

In that situation I would simply invite him and let them decide whether one or both attend.

What would you do if 3 out of 4 had partners and one didn't?

I think when a host starts to "socially engineer" it can lead to problems.

I agree, invite them all and let them decide.

I'd also wonder why you'd never met the partner of one of your 'girly mates'. I've known some of my friends' spouses for years, I like them and have spent plenty of time with them, is that unusual?

duchy

I do think that if parents are paying or making a major contribution then their wishes matter. I just seems so rude to do otherwise. I am not saying the bride and groom shouldn't have any say but a "no compromise" stance on either side just sounds horrible. Weddings are about families joining together and if someone is forking out several thousand and want some of their good friends included.....why on earth not !