Wedding dilemma

burnoutbabe

don't forget, these good friends of your parents have probably spent years hearing about you, since you were born, seeing you grow up. They feel they do know you (even if you haven't seen them for years)

I got a few emails from my parents friends when I got engaged to congratulate me, which was sweet.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I agree, invite them all and let them decide.

I'd also wonder why you'd never met the partner of one of your 'girly mates'. I've known some of my friends' spouses for years, I like them and have spent plenty of time with them, is that unusual?

There are situations like DH and I, couples who are together, but live apart weekdays, or sometimes longer. When DH has beenoverseas we've tried to keep weekends at least fortnightly. My sil and her very recently ex partner were together some years but only lived in same city for one of those years, and much of the time have lived in different continents let alone countries managing only reading weeks and holidays together (both are academics).


When your time is managed so its not surprising if you are loathe not to spend time you have available WITH your partner separate from them! nor if your friends haven't met them, but its often good to take opportunities to share in joy like this if invitation is extended.

neverdespairgirl

I don't see it as a big deal - I went to two weddings last year to which OH wasn't invited (both work colleagues) and OH has done it in the past.

If you don't want to go alone, then don't accept, that's easy, too

ska_lover

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Ermmm well yeah! Of course the bride and groom should consider the comfort of their guests! It's like an party/occasion that you would invite guests to in that you want to make sure that your guests are A, Comfortable and B, Having a good time.

So any pressure you making, you're making for yourself. Personally, I would always want to consider the comfort of my guests.

I am not making any pressure on myself as am not in the run up to a wedding - just making observations as a married woman, as I know how demanding people can be in the run up to your own big day and it really can take the shine off of wedding planning.

We had pressure from one of our guests, when we got married I had one guest asking if they could invite 2 of their own friends as guests - at my expense obviously, which I felt was rather inappropriate of them to be honest. When I told them no, it wasn't met with a very graceful response. There was not enough table space at the facility, and to be fair, we barely know these additional people. Had it been a birthday party, or summer barbeque party etc, we wouldn't have minded, but felt a wedding is far to intimate a time to have virtual strangers hanging around the edges, whether we could have afforded/fitted them in, or not.

People seem to feel they have 'rights' as a wedding guest, and have certain expectations and seemingly very put out if these are not met and disagree about what is 'right' or 'wrong'.

If my OH were invited to one of his friend or colleagues wedding that I didn't know, I wouldn't be put out about it....I would have the grace to realise that it isn't all about me...it's someone else's big day...and I would be happy and comfortable with him toddling off to the event.

GobbledyGook

Person_one wrote: »

I agree, invite them all and let them decide.

I'd also wonder why you'd never met the partner of one of your 'girly mates'. I've known some of my friends' spouses for years, I like them and have spent plenty of time with them, is that unusual?

Surely it depends how you know them?

The aquafit girls and I mainly socialise during the day with the children or while the children are at school (all work part time) when the blokes are at work. If we are having a night out then the partners are at home with the children so if we've met any of the partners it's really just been in passing.

I don't know all of OH's friends (I've never even met a few of his cricket mates as I'd rather have pins poked in my eyes than go to cricket) and he doesn't know all of mine. I don't see that as a big deal at all.

duchy

ska_lover wrote: »

People seem to feel they have 'rights' as a wedding guest, and have certain expectations and seemingly very put out if these are not met and disagree about what is 'right' or 'wrong'.

If my OH were invited to one of his friend or colleagues wedding that I didn't know, I wouldn't be put out about it....I would have the grace to realise that it isn't all about me...it's someone else's big day...and I would be happy and comfortable with him toddling off to the event.

Agreed -Ultimately it's an invitation to be accepted or declined .
Whilst I can see the sense in inviting a tableful of colleagues - as they can all sit together and especially if single -the OP mentioned that their wife was the only partner not invited. One rule for all would seem better manners if numbers need to be limited IMO.

Person_one

ska_lover wrote: »

I am not making any pressure on myself as am not in the run up to a wedding - just making observations as a married woman, as I know how demanding people can be in the run up to your own big day and it really can take the shine off of wedding planning.

We had pressure from one of our guests, when we got married I had one guest asking if they could invite 2 of their own friends as guests - at my expense obviously, which I felt was rather inappropriate of them to be honest. When I told them no, it wasn't met with a very graceful response. There was not enough table space at the facility, and to be fair, we barely know these additional people. Had it been a birthday party, or summer barbeque party etc, we wouldn't have minded, but felt a wedding is far to intimate a time to have virtual strangers hanging around the edges, whether we could have afforded/fitted them in, or not.

People seem to feel they have 'rights' as a wedding guest, and have certain expectations and seemingly very put out if these are not met and disagree about what is 'right' or 'wrong'.

If my OH were invited to one of his friend or colleagues wedding that I didn't know, I wouldn't be put out about it....I would have the grace to realise that it isn't all about me...it's someone else's big day...and I would be happy and comfortable with him toddling off to the event.

Its not all or nothing, there are certain 'rights' and things that a guest should be able to expect when they are invited to something. Food, drink, a seat, toilet facilities, shelter from the weather etc. and at a wedding they should be able to expect that their partner will also be invited! They shouldn't expect to be able to invite extra guests, of course, or to make a speech if they haven't been asked to!

I went to a wedding once where there weren't enough seats for everybody at the reception to sit down to eat, people were stood up trying to balance plates of food and drinks and doing their best to make sure the oldest and youngest were comfortable. That was poor form/planning on the part of the couple.

arbroath_lass

burnoutbabe wrote: »

it depends

say I invited all my "girly mates" to my wedding. say 4 of them. Now 1 has a partner, never met him. would be more natural to invite all 4 of them as one gang, not invite 1 persons +1 and the other 3 have no one.

At my wedding the one with a partner would get an invitation for X & Y, the three others would get +1s.



Now if they chose not to bring a partner that is entirely up to them but I would give them a choice.

paulineb_2

Surely the issue in this OP's scenario is that their partner is the only person who hasnt been invited out of the group of friends? Im single and have been at various times in my life and have been invited to weddings, sometimes theres been a plus one on my invite and sometimes there hasnt. Ive generally just gone on my own.

If theres a point being made by inviting all the other partners and not the OP's partner, I wouldnt see an issue if the OP turned down the invite and I could perfectly understand if their partner felt a bit upset if they went without them.

Because it looks very much in this instance that the point being made is, I dont like your partner rather than there being issues with not having enough space for them to be there.

burnoutbabe

arbroath_lass wrote: »

At my wedding the one with a partner would get an invitation for X & Y, the three others would get +1s.



Now if they chose not to bring a partner that is entirely up to them but I would give them a choice.

fair enough if you want to pay for 4 strangers you'd not met to come along - even knowing that the 4 people invited have a great time as a 4 some? (very different to inviting along one mate who wouldn't know other people who would get a +1)