Wedding dilemma

arbroath_lass

burnoutbabe wrote: »

fair enough if you want to pay for 4 strangers you'd not met to come along - even knowing that the 4 people invited have a great time as a 4 some? (very different to inviting along one mate who wouldn't know other people who would get a +1)

It's not different to me. In my day (and I'm only mid-forties) no adult got a single invitation to a wedding.

Person_one

I find this insistence on constantly referring to friends' partners as 'strangers' rather bizarre.

valk_scot

Person_one wrote: »

I find this insistence on constantly referring to friends' partners as 'strangers' rather bizarre.

I haven't met the partners of quite a few of my friends. I don't socialise with them in the dinner/pub/party/going to each other's homes way so unless a partner has been giving the friend a lift into a venue, say, I wouldn't have a clue who they were if I walked past them in Tesco. So yes, they're strangers! I've been to two weddings out of this group and went as a single along with all the other group members, no spouses or +1s were invited. My OH really didn't care he wasn't invited, as he said he didn't really want to go to the wedding of a couple he didn't know and sit trying to socialise with a group of people who he didn't know either but half of whom knew each other very well and where the other half of them knew nobody.


I have been to other weddings where it was painfully obvious that several people had come as unknown spouses who knew no-one. And I've been said spouse a couple of times, I couldn't wait to get home. I don't drink, find it hard going to make trivial conversation with complete strangers and I expect the bride and groom really didn't care whether I was there or not, they just asked "because it was expected." So many uncomfortable people not having a good time at someone else's expense. I don't care if it does mean I'm a socially uneducated person with no idea of what rude is but I just don't see the point tbh.

coolcait

paulineb wrote: »

Surely the issue in this OP's scenario is that their partner is the only person who hasnt been invited out of the group of friends? ...

Well, it is now. However, that's not how it started off.

Like many posters who haven't use the boards frequently, the OP hasn't included pertinent information in the first post. Although, in this instance, I got the impression that the "my wife's the only partner who hasn't been invited" was a new piece of information for the OP too.

In the absence of specific information about the OP's partner, there could be any number of reasons why only his partner hasn't been invited:

- the OP had a previous partner who is close to the bride and groom, and who will also be attending the wedding. The B&G still see the OP as a friend - hence the invitation - but do not see his current partner in that way - hence the lack of an invitation

- the OP's partner has a track record of disrupting social events by being drunk, or disrespectful, or rude, or all of the foregoing and then some

- the groom had a fling with the OP's partner at some point in the past (hopefully prior to the OP's own relationship with her), and her attendance has been vetoed by the bride (and/or the groom)

- the bride had a fling with the OP's partner etc etc

Spend half an hour on the weddings board, and I'm sure you'd find even more reasons for non-invitation.

coolcait

I agree with valk_scot (post 147).

In my experience, it's not at all unusual for someone to barely know their friends' spouses or partners.

Valk's description of the wedding experience when you are the spouse who no one really knows is spot on.

I find that too, and I am generally a sociable person - plus I've had a career where "showing interest and enthusiasm" are buzz words. So, plenty of practice.

It's worst at evening receptions, when you can't have a decent conversation with anyone because the music is so loud - and you're reduced to smiling and nodding at the complete strangers around you, as a form of communication.

In particularly bad cases, you can find yourself attending the wedding reception of two of your husband's colleagues - known to you as 'surname of the groom' and 'the girl who works in department x - Sarah? Susannah? Susan? Something like that'.

After spending 20 minutes proving that you can socialise very effectively at a wedding, even when:

- you don't know who's getting married
- but you congratulate them both anyway!
- you don't know anyone else who's attending the wedding
- but you engage them in a lively discussion about how the day has been for them so far
- you don't even know (as it transpires) where the wedding is supposed to be held...

Himself came rushing over to extract me from my conversations, and deliver us both to the correct venue

That experience convinced me that:

- really, the bride and groom don't have a clue who half of their guests are, and therefore wouldn't really miss their presence

- on that basis, it makes more sense for OH to attend his friends/workmates' weddings alone, as at least he'll be recognised by one half of the bridal couple

- whether I'm attending or not, I'll take charge of logisitics like who's marrying whom, when and where! :rotfl:

P.S. The bride's name did not start with 'S' either...

PolishBigSpender

I think your friend is incredibly rude.
It's one thing to invite single people without a +1, it's another to invite only one person from a couple, let alone a married one!
To be honest, I wouldn't even ask, I'd assume that my husband is invited by default - I wouldn't imagine someone could be that rude!
I wouldn't go to such a wedding on principle.

gbartlett1980

My wife is upset, hurt and angry about the way she feels she's been treated! I spoke to another friend who DID get the plus 1 invite and he responded with...

Wow

Wouldn't of been better not to invite either of us?
Was this invite unfair, in as it puts me in an impossible position?
Surely they know that I can't go without the wife?

Confused!

sulphate

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I think your friend is incredibly rude.
It's one thing to invite single people without a +1, it's another to invite only one person from a couple, let alone a married one!
To be honest, I wouldn't even ask, I'd assume that my husband is invited by default - I wouldn't imagine someone could be that rude!
I wouldn't go to such a wedding on principle.

Maybe it's just the way your post is written, or do you think that all single people should be given the option to bring a +1 to a wedding?

Dazedandconfused

Is your wife a friend of the couple? If not why should they invite her.

coolcait

gbartlett1980 wrote: »

My wife is upset, hurt and angry about the way she feels she's been treated! I spoke to another friend who DID get the plus 1 invite and he responded with...

Wow

Wouldn't of been better not to invite either of us?
Was this invite unfair, in as it puts me in an impossible position?
Surely they know that I can't go without the wife?

Confused!

Why are you "in an impossible position"?

You don't want to attend the wedding without your wife; your wife hasn't been invited.

Your response to the invitation is "I regret that I will be unable to attend your wedding on [date]". Optional addition: "I wish you the best on your special day and in the future."

Send to the RSVP address. Job done.