Wedding dilemma

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

If they withdrew the money it would essentially be blackmail. I assume they thought their daughter would see their point of view, but she didn't. They wanted to invite their friends because they have been to the weddings of the friends children.

I do have some sympathy with the daughter there, a gift given with strings attached should be discussed very clearly before its given to make sure everybody is in agreement.

whodathunkit

maharani_m wrote: »

If I were invited to a wedding but my husband wasn't, I wouldn't go regardless of how my husband felt about it.

I never understand why couples essentially split couples and families up for a wedding day (i.e. only one half of a couple or just the couple and not their kids). It's a wedding - a family affair. Why would you not invite the spouse and kids?!

Engaged couples need to realise splitting up families for the day makes them feel awkward and their family will always come first.

I have had to query invites like this before too, but when I have asked if I can bring my boyfriend (now husband) the answer was always 'Yes of course'.

It's a family affair for their family - not for yours!

coolcait

poet123 wrote: »

.. None of us lives in isolation, and most of us recognise that we have familial obligations that have to be balanced against having exactly what we want.

It could be argued that the above also holds true for the bride's parents.

They could balance their daughter's wishes against having exactly what they want.

coolcait

Obviously this is a big issue for the OP, as it has inspired him to make 2 of his 21 posts since joining in May 2010.

Personally, I have no strong feelings at all about who gets invited to a wedding.

As long as everyine involved understands that it's an 'invitation', and that all are free to simply accept or decline as they wish, there should be no problem.

I don't personally, have a problem with the idea that the bride and groom will invite their friends, without inviting the partners of said friends.

My OH is more traditional. He declined the invitation to his best friend's son's wedding because I wasn't included.

I did make it clear that I wasn't the least bit offended not to have been invited; that I thought it was appropriate for the boy to have invited OH, as they worked together for a brief time, as well as the friendship link with the groom's father.

So, his decision not to go was very much his own decision. And I respected it.

Vicky123

Everyone else's wife was invited except the OP's, that looks more like a statement than costs, would expect the OP must have some idea why they left only her out but if not he needs to decide where his loyalty lies. I can't imagine snubbing someone like this without very good reason. It clearly isn't a no partners wedding so discussion around that issue isn't really relevant to OP situation.

balletshoes

Vicky123 wrote: »

Everyone else's wife was invited except the OP's, that looks more like a statement than costs, would expect the OP must have some idea why they left only her out but if not he needs to decide where his loyalty lies. I can't imagine snubbing someone like this without very good reason. It clearly isn't a no partners wedding so discussion around that issue isn't really relevant to OP situation.

maybe all the other wives know the couple, and the OPs wife doesn't ? This has been asked before, and I don't think he answered?

poet123

coolcait wrote: »

It could be argued that the above also holds true for the bride's parents.

They could balance their daughter's wishes against having exactly what they want.

Oh they have, there have been a lot of other issues that they have let pass. So, even if they had invited the friends they still wouldn't have got exactly what they wanted, just some of it.

minerva_windsong

I'm in full agreement with not having to go to weddings together. If my OH got invited to a wedding where I didn't know the couple (one of his friends from school, say) and my name wasn't on the invite, I'd say 'have fun and bring me back some cake if you can, I'll just do my own thing that weekend', send him on his way and think nothing of it. He'd do exactly the same if it was me, and to be honest I think we'd both prefer it - I know I would because I'd feel like I couldn't relax because I'd have to make sure he was OK if he didn't know anyone else, and if I didn't know anyone I'd feel guilty that I was somehow stopping him having fun with his friends.

However, in the OP's case I am wondering if it's something specific against his wife - I'm sure she's a perfectly nice person but I'm wondering if the friend and/or his fiancee have taken against her for whatever reason (or indeed vice versa)? Call me cynical but that was my first thought as to why they've invited all the other friends' wives and not her...

ska_lover

Person_one wrote: »

Hang on, are you actually saying that you don't think people should have to consider their guests when they invite them to something?

No....My postactually said 'there is an awful lot of pressure on bride/grooms to consider the comfort of their guests'....how does that translate, into the above? I think that is a factual statement, yes there is an awful lot of pressure on brides and grooms to consider guests

Just this thread shows what an emotive subject being a wedding guest is, wedding guests can demanding and feel they have certain 'rights' such as guests 'expecting' their husband or wife to be invited, even if they barely know the happy couple. That is not the worst I have heard of guests inviting their own guests etc.

ska_lover

peachyprice wrote: »

I must have missed the part of my wedding vows that said we would no longer be seen as individuals but as one single entity, never to be invited anywhere alone as long as we both shall live. Oops.

I love this and I totally agree.