Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

Georgiegirl256

FBaby wrote: »

I totally understand how you feel OP. Most overweight people, and many of their relatives are in total denial when it comes to the affect of their extra weight on their health. Because it is becoming more the norm, it is easy to reassure yourself that you are ok. The reality is that any consultant and most GP will say that being in the obese category IS a bomb waiting to explode later in life.

I have family members who have been overweight for quite some time. For many years, it didn't affect them, they remained relatively active and didn't have any health problems, but came 50 and it hit them hard, cholesterol problems, diabetes, needing knee replacement, heart congestion etc...

A friend of mine started to gain weight about 15 years ago, reaching the point of becoming almost obese. Like many, she always denied that she wasn't eating properly, insisting that she cooked all her meals healthily and that she didn't snack and therefore it must me her metabolism. When her GP said that she was boderline obese, he referred her to a multi-discplinary weight management team. She met with dieticians and psychologists. She is a transformed worman. She learnt to accept that she did snack, even if it was 'only' a small cake there and then, and that despite her cooking being not too bad, her portions were twice if not three times too big. It is only once she accepted all this that she made a real change to her habits. It's now been a year, she has lost the weight gradually, is now 2 stones lighter at 56. No diet at all, just stopping the cakes at work, the chocolate in the evening and reducing her portions. She hasalso taken on running.

Well done to your friend! :T That's my husbands problem, the snacking on cakes and biscuits, he doesn't even a big appetite for food, just sweet things. I only hope he sees the light and manages to do something about his weight, same goes for the OP's husband too, it's so frustrating to see someone you love bury their head in the sand and not realise how serious is.

margaretclare

JIL wrote: »

I worked with a lovely lady. She was a huge personality but she ate too much and even though she worked full time she struggled to walk from the car park to the lift and to her desk due to her excessive weight.
One day her son phoned to say she had suffered an asthma attack. It had been impossible to get her to hospital as the three ambulance crews that turned up could not lift her. She died aged 53 on the pavement outside her house.
The funeral was unusual in that the coffin was huge. It was wheeled into church and small lifting gear aided moving the coffin in and out of the hearse.
I often think of my colleague and the very sad experience and I would not want to put my family through something like that.
If only she had not eaten so much. I believe she would still be with us today.

This is a terribly sad story and again, there are TV programmes about this kind of thing! It's increasingly common for specialist ambulances, hospitals need specially-strengthened stretchers and beds, you name it. Near us, back of the little airport, a specialist ambulance firm called Thames Ambulance (was featured in one of the 'Big Body Squad' programmes) has special ambulances with bigger stretchers etc. What amazes me is, some of the people featured cannot even get from bed to chair, much less get their own food, so who feeds them?

pukkamum

A previous poster made the point that being overweight and eating too much isn't necessarily about loving food.
I'm not a foodie at all, I had no interest in food really, never liked spicy food etc, this led I think to my weight problems, food never satisfied me so I chose quantity over quality.
Its a lot easier to eat lots of bland food than lots of spicy or heavily flavoured food and because your taste buds aren't being satisfied you can eat a lot more.
When I started weightwatchers one of the biggest lessons I learned was about learning to actually enjoy food rather than just shovelling it in.
I started making every meal an occasion, sitting at the table for lunch with a drink and a napkin and actually noticing eating.
Many of the people I know who are naturally thin are actually big lovers of food, they enjoy the flavours, the cooking and the eating and because they are enjoying their food they don't feel the need to overeat.

One of the big factors also for me was because of my disinterest in food I was painfully thin when a child and I was often hungry, I lived for fridays when it was chips and I could actually enjoy eating as all other meal times were a battle with mum desperately trying to get me to eat.
This meant that pleasure for me lay in junk food and once I was able to buy my own food I massively over ate.

try talking to him instead of nagging, that never works, for me it was just like being a child again and led to more eating.
When someone tells you you are eating too much you are fat etc it went 2 ways for me I got upset and ate to feel better or it made me angry and I ate to spite that person.
Find out if he had food issues when young, what triggered his overeating, finding the cause of the overeating is crucial in resolving it.

paulineb_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

This HAS to be a wind-up. You call a 36" waist on a MAN, a massive gut?!' And he is MORBIDLY OBESE at 15 and a half stone? Are you actually serious?

I would seriously not be able to stay married to someone with the attitudes of some on this thread. The nagging would drive me nuts.

He probably only 'agrees with you,' because he is afraid not to.

If you check the BMI calculator, 15 and a half stone will be morbidly obese for some people depending on their height

If someone is 15 and a half stones and tall, they could still fall into the obese category.

paulineb_2

Just checked, someone who is 5 foot 10, male and 15 stones 7 would be obese, not morbidly obese but well over the healthy weight category, for that height, someone should be around 12 and a half stones.

Having said that, some people will be heavier and not be obese, body builders etc, but for your average person who doesn't do much exercise, 15 and a half stones isnt a healthy weight.

Gloomendoom

I wear 34" or 36" waist trousers but my tummy is bigger than that. Because of my tummy, I regard myself as overweight even at just over 14 stone and 6'4" tall.

Numbers can be deceiving. Mirrors are better... unless you suffer from body dis-morphia.

heartbreak_star

As someone who has struggled with eating disorders all their life, please do not tell him outright that he is fat, and don't do the "talking-about-him-so-he-accidentally-hears-it" thing.

My mum was naturally incredibly skinny, and even at 67 is still slim, and she could never wrap her head around the fact I'm built like a tank, just like my dad. She always cooked big dinners, kept on at me to clear my plate, and then said I was a "chunky monkey" and the like. I'm 34 and she still griefs me now.

I used to eat in secret. I would sit in my car eating doughnuts by the dozen with tears rolling down my face, then hide the packets under a seat until I could get to a bin where nobody would see me throw them out. Then I'd go and exercise till I threw up. Is it possible, OP, that this is what your hubby is doing with the McDs?

I am a bit more stable these days, but I TOTALLY agree with the idea of getting him on board slowly and gently with good habits. Go for a walk together. Make him a healthy packed lunch, and one for yourself too. Whatever you do, don't stuff your face in front of him.

I hope he does lose weight - getting into the gym and learning to lift was the best thing I ever did. I'm still a fatty, but I'll get there.

Good luck!

HBS x

(ps. BMI is quite often bunkum.)

Mrs.C.A.R

Hello

I felt compelled to reply to your message.

You could basically be my mum! My dad has struggled with his weight for at least 20 years. He is diabetic, has multiple skin problems including psoriasis, sleep apnoea and a massive amount of other problems.

He is 54, 10 years ago he had to have major back surgery for a slipped disc, he was told he would not see my brother turn 21. he hits 30 this year, i cannot help but feel he is living on borrowed time.

We have tried SO hard to help him lose weight. The past 5 years have been the worst, he just will not listen and he does not even care. He knows his weight is out of control, he is almost 22st, but he doesn't WANT to lose the weight. his diabetes is out of control because he doesn't look after himself.

I hope your husband, with your help, manages to realise he needs to lose weight. He's lucky he doesn't have a plethora of medical problems like my dad. As a child watching my dad go through this, it's agony, bacause one day i'm sure his heart will just give out.

I'm sorry this hasn't had any advice at all, i hope he can get some help

adouglasmhor

eamon wrote: »

As many posters have said diets don't work in the long term. Lifestyle changes have a better chance. But as an overweight 51yo adult male its incredibly difficult to do that. I supposedly eat a relatively good balanced diet, porridge (35g + 250ml semi skimmed milk) for breakfast. Lunch today was mixed bean salad (made from scratch ingredients beans, cucumber, scallions, radish, tomato and dressing) 2 slices of bread with a smidgen of spread, a slice of homemade cauliflower & nut quiche (1/8th of 9" flan dish) and my dinner was a grilled pork rump steak with steamed cabbage, 1/2 a raw onion and 1 wholemeal pitta, small banana, followed by a mug of tea and 2 digestive biscuits. This is typical of my weekly diet (Monday to Friday). But at the weekend I'll probably drink in excess of 16 pints and have fish & chips on the Friday night.
My job is not as active now and it is a real stuggle to exercise adequately and I do like to walk. The bloke being talked about could easily be me. I stuggle with portion control. Luckily I don't like many manufactured things and apart from my fish & chip habit I don't eat junk food. But even thinking about beer I swear the weight is piling on relentlessly.

Baby steps, Guinness Draught is lower in calories and GI than lager, pale ale, bitter or export and if you manage 16 pints over a weekend you are a bigger gutbucket than me.

paulineb_2

BMI is often bunkum. But I don't think its bunkum when someone is overeating and doing nil exercise. It will be off when someone is very active, has a lot of muscle composition in their body and looks obese on the scales when they have a low body fat percentage

And that doesn't relate to the OP's husbands situation at all.