Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

atrixblue.-MFR-.

slight changes in food habits can have a good effect in the short term.


my wife creeping up and up in weight for years and years fell into a "well its me and if you dont like ME for who I AM and only for my looks then your out of luck, this is who I am" mind set for a long time.


we sat and agree'd where we could improve eating habits.


We agree'd eating Chinese kebabs Indians MCD's KFC's and fish n chips pot noodles just didn't help in the way our body's felt, I would feel actually feel quite ill after those food stuffs, and my skin would regularly ITCH for days after one!. especially in the groin thy and back area and get blocked up in toilet department, my wife would have similar.


my wife also had problems in where she could quickly put weight on but not lose any of it when dieting for long periods, not bean, we than sat and looked at her symptoms she was suffering and when they started and it was put down to her contraceptive implant, she had this removed just over a week ago, and now her symptoms are are easing off and some have gone. she's gone from 18st down to 17.6 stone in last week and half, not really doing anything in way of making it happen, we haven't been eating out, no take way foods for last 4 weeks, and just cooked home meals, the next step in our plan now is portioning foods, then the step after this stepping up activity.


weve decided not to diet but rather make changes in eating, and daily activity getting used to one thing after another slowly so it becomes routine rather than a chore.


if your both at the doctors surgery with the same doctor, I would suggest seeing him/her not just for him but both of you, In this session with the doc, explain your concerns about yourself, and ask your husband to explain concerns about his health, if he leaves things out just pop in there with missing details, then describe symptoms and other concerns about both of yourselves.
The Doc is on tool in the box that can actually run tests to eliminate thyroid, eliminate diabetes, get you onto the surgery dietician books.


There would also be specific tests, the Doc could run such as metabolism test to see how fast its working or how slow its working.


the key here I think would not to go on at him about his need to lose weight but to see how both of you could be involved in helping and supporting each other through changes that need to happen for the good of the marriage my first reaction if someone told me your over weight and its straining our marriage would be why I have I got change, what about you what about your issues aswell why is it my fault and only my weight that's causing the issue, if you want me to change then you have to aswell its a 2 way street here.

heartbreak_star

paulineb wrote: »

BMI is often bunkum. But I don't think its bunkum when someone is overeating and doing nil exercise. It will be off when someone is very active, has a lot of muscle composition in their body and looks obese on the scales when they have a low body fat percentage

And that doesn't relate to the OP's husbands situation at all.

Or with a very high bone density, allegedly.

But agreed it does not apply to the OP's husband, I just see it bandied around so much but it's so unreliable in so many individual cases that some doctors have chucked it out the window.

HBS x

paulineb_2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Or with a very high bone density, allegedly.

But agreed it does not apply to the OP's husband, I just see it bandied around so much but it's so unreliable in so many individual cases that some doctors have chucked it out the window.

HBS x

Id also say that the height/weight charts are also unreliable. People are unique, two people can be the same weight and height and look absolutely different.

My mum is five foot 3 and is 8 stones 7 pounds, she looks fine at that weight.

The lowest weight Ive been in my adult life is 9 stones 4 and that was always the weight that was my natural weight, Id have had to starve to get the 4 pounds off to get to 9 stones. If my mum reached just over 10 stones she'd look heavy whereas someone else at that height and weight of ten stones would look ok.

I also know people who work out a lot and havent changed weight since they started working out but have dropped body fat percentage and they look totally different.

jaylee3

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

36" IS big compared to what he used to be....did you not actually read the part where I said he used to be a 28" waist, and the fact that he has went up in weight by 6 stone? His height is only 5'7-5'8, that's not really that tall for a man, so for someone that height and weight, it's at least obese I would say, I don't know, I haven't checked the charts, and I haven't said that to him either, he knows he's over weight, tries to do something about it, lasts a few weeks, then slips back into a routine of snacking again. He does have a huge gut, (I think you're confusing gut with waist ) he knows this himself, and struggles to sometimes fasten a 36" pair of trousers up sometimes, and if he continues as he is, then he is only going to get bigger.

In the last couples of years, I've gone up 2 stone myself, so I'm not one to preach by any means, I never used to have a sweet tooth, but now I do, so I know how hard it is to break that cycle of unhealthy eating and snacking.

If one of your relatives was overweight, would you not want them to do anything about it? I hardly ever mention it to him, he usually brings the subject up, he knows himself that he needs to do something and get the weight off....if you think this is nagging, well ok dear, whatever you say!

ETA: Just checked a BMI chart, and it is in the obese range, so if you think my post was a wind up, then so be it.

I'm sorry, but anyone who follows these weight and BMI charts to the letter needs their head looking at. They are all different for a start, and they are ALL too severe and strict, and they rarely have different ones for male and female ... EG, THIS one from Slimming World.

http://www.slimmingworld.com/images/losing-weight/bmi_chart.jpg

Says that my husband who is 15 st 10 and 5 ft 11 is OBESE. (He is in the blue zone.) Absolute rubbish! He is not skinny, but he is fit as hell with no health issues, he cycles to work, (10 mile round trip,) walks about 5-8 miles a week (with me,) and the last check up at the docs showed low cholesterol, and a healthy heart and lungs.

Another website we looked at said he should be 10 stone 11 pounds to be healthy. He would look like he needed to be hospitalised at that weight. Almost 6 foot and ten stone eleven pounds!

ANOTHER website said that I should be between 8 and 9 stone for my height, yet I have been that weight before, and look dreadful. I look much better at around 10 and a half stone. My health was the same as my husbands after MY health check. Everything was fine.

These weight charts should be taken with a pinch of salt.

BTW, a 28" waist on a grown man is insanely thin. 36" sounds much healthier to me. Obviously we are not on the same page here, and have completely different ideas of what someone's weight should be.

Georgiegirl256

jaylee3 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but anyone who follows these weight and BMI charts to the letter needs their head looking at. They are all different for a start, and they are ALL too severe and strict, and they rarely have different ones for male and female ... EG, THIS one from Slimming World.

http://www.slimmingworld.com/images/losing-weight/bmi_chart.jpg

Says that my husband who is 15 st 10 and 5 ft 11 is OBESE. (He is in the blue zone.) Absolute rubbish! He is not skinny, but he is fit as hell with no health issues, he cycles to work, (10 mile round trip,) walks about 5-8 miles a week (with me,) and the last check up at the docs showed low cholesterol, and a healthy heart and lungs.

Another website we looked at said he should be 10 stone 11 pounds to be healthy. He would look like he needed to be hospitalised at that weight. Almost 6 foot and ten stone eleven pounds!

ANOTHER website said that I should be between 8 and 9 stone for my height, yet I have been that weight before, and look dreadful. I look much better at around 10 and a half stone. My health was the same as my husbands after MY health check. Everything was fine.

These weight charts should be taken with a pinch of salt.

Totally agree that the weight charts aren't gospel, and Pauline makes some good points about them.

BTW, a 28" waist on a grown man is insanely thin. Which is exactly what I said in my first post, although, he never looked ill or anything, just very skinny, but then he didn't have a car and did ALOT of walking. 36" sounds much healthier to me. Obviously we are not on the same page here, and have completely different ideas of what someone's weight should be.

Obviously not. As I said previously, I think you're getting confused with waist measurements and being over weight. You're right, a 36" waist isn't huge huge, but it all depends on a persons weight/height ratio etc. like I said, my husband isn't that tall, so any excess weight really shows, on his gut and round his face and neck, so yes, 15 1/2 stone for someone who is 5'7/8 is overweight which ever way you look at it.

Anyhow, this isn't about my husband, I simply posted to let the OP know she isn't alone in feeling how she does, and I can totally understand where she is coming from. So, you worry about your husband....and I'll worry about mine.

paulineb_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but anyone who follows these weight and BMI charts to the letter needs their head looking at. They are all different for a start, and they are ALL too severe and strict, and they rarely have different ones for male and female ... EG, THIS one from Slimming World.

http://www.slimmingworld.com/images/losing-weight/bmi_chart.jpg

Says that my husband who is 15 st 10 and 5 ft 11 is OBESE. (He is in the blue zone.) Absolute rubbish! He is not skinny, but he is fit as hell with no health issues, he cycles to work, (10 mile round trip,) walks about 5-8 miles a week (with me,) and the last check up at the docs showed low cholesterol, and a healthy heart and lungs.

Another website we looked at said he should be 10 stone 11 pounds to be healthy. He would look like he needed to be hospitalised at that weight. Almost 6 foot and ten stone eleven pounds!

ANOTHER website said that I should be between 8 and 9 stone for my height, yet I have been that weight before, and look dreadful. I look much better at around 10 and a half stone. My health was the same as my husbands after MY health check. Everything was fine.

These weight charts should be taken with a pinch of salt.

BTW, a 28" waist on a grown man is insanely thin. 36" sounds much healthier to me. Obviously we are not on the same page here, and have completely different ideas of what someone's weight should be.

Your husband is fit though, thats not the case for the OP's husband. I also look fine at around two stones over what the height and weight charts say I should be, particularly if Im working out a lot.

But for someone who is sedentary, eating all the wrong foods and 21 stones, BMI is a more reliable indicator than for someone who works out and eats healthily and is a weightlifter/bodybuilder with a lot of muscle compared to fat.

mumps

jaylee3 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but anyone who follows these weight and BMI charts to the letter needs their head looking at. They are all different for a start, and they are ALL too severe and strict, and they rarely have different ones for male and female ... EG, THIS one from Slimming World.

http://www.slimmingworld.com/images/losing-weight/bmi_chart.jpg

Says that my husband who is 15 st 10 and 5 ft 11 is OBESE. (He is in the blue zone.) Absolute rubbish! He is not skinny, but he is fit as hell with no health issues, he cycles to work, (10 mile round trip,) walks about 5-8 miles a week (with me,) and the last check up at the docs showed low cholesterol, and a healthy heart and lungs.

Another website we looked at said he should be 10 stone 11 pounds to be healthy. He would look like he needed to be hospitalised at that weight. Almost 6 foot and ten stone eleven pounds!

ANOTHER website said that I should be between 8 and 9 stone for my height, yet I have been that weight before, and look dreadful. I look much better at around 10 and a half stone. My health was the same as my husbands after MY health check. Everything was fine.

These weight charts should be taken with a pinch of salt.

BTW, a 28" waist on a grown man is insanely thin. 36" sounds much healthier to me. Obviously we are not on the same page here, and have completely different ideas of what someone's weight should be.

I agree the BMI thing just isn't accurate either way, my son, 6'4" and was over 6' at 13. When he had a medical the school were concerned because his BMI was 16 or 17, sorry can't remember exactly as I have never taken any notice of BMI, and they said it indicated he was very underweight and did he have an eating disorder. Yes he did, it was called if you see it eat it - he could eat more than the rest of the family put together and is much the same now. It is just who he is, he eats alot generally healthy eating but does his fair share of pizzas and lager like most students. If my diet was like his I would probably be huge but he obviously needs it. Heaven help us all if someone decides he needs to put weight on - I dread to think what it would do to the national debt if he was eating enough to put on weight.

claire16c

jaylee3 wrote: »

I'm sorry, but anyone who follows these weight and BMI charts to the letter needs their head looking at. They are all different for a start, and they are ALL too severe and strict, and they rarely have different ones for male and female ... EG, THIS one from Slimming World.

http://www.slimmingworld.com/images/losing-weight/bmi_chart.jpg

Says that my husband who is 15 st 10 and 5 ft 11 is OBESE. (He is in the blue zone.) Absolute rubbish! He is not skinny, but he is fit as hell with no health issues, he cycles to work, (10 mile round trip,) walks about 5-8 miles a week (with me,) and the last check up at the docs showed low cholesterol, and a healthy heart and lungs.

Another website we looked at said he should be 10 stone 11 pounds to be healthy. He would look like he needed to be hospitalised at that weight. Almost 6 foot and ten stone eleven pounds!

ANOTHER website said that I should be between 8 and 9 stone for my height, yet I have been that weight before, and look dreadful. I look much better at around 10 and a half stone. My health was the same as my husbands after MY health check. Everything was fine.

These weight charts should be taken with a pinch of salt.

BTW, a 28" waist on a grown man is insanely thin. 36" sounds much healthier to me. Obviously we are not on the same page here, and have completely different ideas of what someone's weight should be.

I agree they shouldn't be followed to the letter but I wouldn't say they are all too severe if you're saying you can't weigh enough on them without being overweight.

My husband is 5'11' and yes 15 stone would be very large, he already weighs more than most people we know at his height at around 12st. But he's mainly muscle as a personal trainer. His friends at his height all weigh less than him. He's actually trying to loose a bit at the mo and get back into his running.

I'm at the other end of the scale I'm naturally thin so my bmi is 'underweight' but for me it's not, it's just how I'm built. Yet my SiL who is my height would have to starve herself to be my weight. Everyone is built differently.

But for the geveral population bmi can be a useful tool.

claire16c

PenguinOfDeath wrote: »

For me it's "Secret Eaters". Watching an episode or two of this makes me realise the disparity between what I sometimes think I eat and what actually passes my lips on a daily basis

That programme is scary. Like the man who swore blind he ate salad or sandwiches for lunch but actually ate a salad followed by a pie INSIDE a burger bun.

How can you just 'forget' you ate that?

Or the lady who said all her food was home made but forgot to put on her food diary she was swigging back red bull & vodkas whilst cooking it, and then having more with the massive plate of food?!

mumps

claire16c wrote: »

That programme is scary. Like the man who swore blind he ate salad or sandwiches for lunch but actually ate a salad followed by a pie INSIDE a burger bun.

How can you just 'forget' you ate that?

Or the lady who said all her food was home made but forgot to put on her food diary she was swigging back red bull & vodkas whilst cooking it, and then having more with the massive plate of food?!

I've never seen it but I must look out for it, forgetting you had a pie inside a burger bun is hard to understand. Actually eating a pie in a burger bun is hard to understand or is that just me?