Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

jaylee3

dandy-candy wrote: »

He doesn't have anyone in the family who could have a quiet word with him as they are all quite overweight too. He looks at food as a reward, if he's had a hard day or done well in something he want to celebrate with a big blow out meal. He also gets competitive about being able to out eat the other men at the table?!

I think hiding his car keys is an excellent idea as he wouldn't bother walking anywhere for snacks. Also it was interesting hearing that a video made one poster start dieting.

I have taken sly photos of him lying on the sofa or walking around the bedroom in his pants and he says its just a bad photo. A video would really show him as he is, a bit cruel but I think it might help.

He is 6ft 2 which is quite tall. He could carry 18st ok as he was a bit more muscle then and only chubby on his belly. That extra 3st he has now really is all fat and he's definitely lost some muscle too. Now his tummy is huge and the weight is on his face and back also.
Unfortunately I do still love and fancy him, that's the problem. If I didn't I would be relieved that our bedroom time has hit the wall.

OMG :eek: Sorry, but all this behaviour sounds a bit weird and obsessive and strange.

The things you're saying don't gel. You seem actually full of contempt for him, yet you say you love him and fancy him. I find this hard to believe. I don't think you fancy him at all, not judging by the posts you have put on here so far.

People have given you advice and suggestions about how to try and deal with this in a kind and decent way, but you just seem intent on ridiculing him and 'shaming' him.

I actually feel rather sorry for him.

peachyprice

tesuhoha wrote: »

Thin people don't diet. They eat that way and they don't think about food. If they overindulge they wait until they are hungry again.

That really isn't true at all.

barba

I really wish the NHS would charge for treating fat people.

Could buck your OH into shape and avoid him draining the service now and in the future

tesuhoha

jaylee3 wrote: »

This just sounds cruel and vindictive, and could actually be counter-productive. If my husband got a couple of teen boys to say 'hey look at the state of that big fat cow,' when I was in earshot, I would be devastated if I found he had planned it, to 'shame me.' And I would eat even more.

Imagine if a man had come on here, and asked another man to get some teenage boys to 'shame' his fat smelly pig of a wife into losing weight. Oh dear God....... I can just imagine the outcry on here. It seems OK to be horribly offensive towards a man though.

I agree with Paulineb, that the OP should not rule out depression and low self esteem, and I fear that the nagging is making him worse.

I really don't know the answer, but I am certain that nagging and bullying certainly isn't it.

A really long talk with him and a genuine heart to heart is what is needed, so you can see what can be done. It may be that NOTHING can be done, and you may need to walk away as it's clearly making you unhappy and causing issues.

The question is, are you really concerned about his health or do you just find him repugnant and gross? I think, reading between the lines, that it's the latter.

What is his height anyway? 21 stone wouldn't necessarily be massively obese on some men. And it's really not a LOT more than the 18 stone he was when you met him. I am thinking there's more to this story...

Really have NO idea how someone can eat ONE pringle LOL.

I suppose I was being a bit sarcastic as someone said it needed shock tactics. What could be worse than planning someone's funeral in front of them? I have given lots of other advice which takes account of emotions, etc but this is what you have picked up on.

The OP described her husband's appearance in detail and overhanging flesh and a drooping stomach are certainly signs of obesity imo.

I don't actually like Pringles very much so can take or leave them.

tesuhoha

peachyprice wrote: »

That really isn't true at all.

Well it is in my family. We enjoy food but it doesn't rule our lives and on the whole we only think about it when planning meals or eating them.

zaksmum

barba wrote: »

I really wish the NHS would charge for treating fat people.

Could buck your OH into shape and avoid him draining the service now and in the future

So should it also charge for treating drug addicts, smokers, alcoholics and self harmers/ attempted suicides?

tesuhoha

Tanswell88 wrote: »

My opinion is as follows (this is from someone who once weighed almost 20st).

Unfortunately all your nagging and shouting is pointless. It might help for a week or two but until your husband CHOOSES FOR HIM SELF that HE wants to do it, it won't happen.
He just won't have the motivation to stick to it.
I had doctors and family members telling me how worried they was etc... I could barely get off the floor after changing my little ones nappy. My stomach over hung and I couldn't see my lady bits. I am only 25. I'd eat good for a few days and then slip into old habits. I was (although to the outside seemed happy) miserable and ate to be happy and then that would make me mad. It was a catch 22.

I woke up one day and something had just clicked I didn't want to be fat anymore and that was it, I am now down 6st (my husband also lost 50lbs from the back of my weight loss too) in 18 months.

I hated the thought of the gym, my god the thought of going into a gym weighing nearly 20st scared the beejuzs out of me, all those 'people' looking at me (even though they probably wasn't) laughing at the fatty on the treadmill. No way, not in a million years. Infact I am only just at 13st feeling confident enough to get a gym membership.
For the past year and a half I have done weight watchers and walking. Nothing fancy, just small changes. That's it. At first I'd aim to walk ten thousand steps a day, taking the stairs instead of a lift, getting off the bus a stop earlier, not getting lifts from the husband when I could walk.
I also think my biggest help is that on the day I get weighed I eat whatever I want for the full day... Nothing is off limits.

I hope your husband decides to change his lifestyle for himself before it's too late.

6 stone is dangerously underweight unless you are a midget. How can you still be trying to lose weight? Please be very careful.

Mojisola

tesuhoha wrote: »

6 stone is dangerously underweight unless you are a midget. How can you still be trying to lose weight? Please be very careful.

I read that as having lost 6 stone.

tesuhoha

Mojisola wrote: »

I read that as having lost 6 stone.

My apologies. I misread it.

Primrose

I don't think it's fair to say that the poster doesn't love her husband just because she's commenting about his fatness and overweight. You can love somebody very much but still feel repulsed by their physical appearance, especially when this is somthing that is within their control. You can also feel demeaned because you feel they don't care enough about your concerns and health worries to want to relieve you of that concern.

I realise it's very difficult to make somebody do something they don't want to do and I think she has run out of steam in despair. Her husband is selfish not thinking of the effects on his family if something should happen to him. Should he have a heart attack or stroke, or even any other less serious health condition which requires surgery, he puts himself at much greater risk on the operating table if he is obese and unfit.