Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

tesuhoha

onlyroz wrote: »

I was mainly just objecting to the "it takes no willpower" comment. I don't believe that my eating habits changed between my twenties and early thirties. The difference was having two children - breastfeeding makes you absolutely ravenous and when I stopped I suppose that my natural "portion size" had got larger, hence the weight gain. But I certainly used to eat my fair share of crisps and sweets when I was younger, without it really impacting on my waistline.

Anyway, this has little to do with the OP. To them my advice still stands - weight loss is largely about appetite control, and any would-be dieter needs to realise that feeling hungry occasionally is normal and if you don't give into the cravings then the hunger pangs will subside. That's how you get through a "fast day", along with the knowledge that the following day you're allowed a few treats.

I'll try to explain my 'takes no willpower' comment. If you listen to your body it doesn't really take any willpower not to eat a whole packet of biscuits. Why would you want to? If you have eaten when hungry then if you fancy a biscuit you will not really want the whole packet. If though, biscuits are strictly forbidden, that's a different matter. The only thing that interrupts this natural way of eating is when you diet and deprive yourself of food. If you are dieting and hungry and certain foods are forbidden then you will start to think about food all the time. This will make you want to binge.

The 5:2 is different because you are not banning any food groups, not really counting calories and on fast days it is relatively easy to forget about food if you have not set up these food cravings. I can go without eating for long periods when I don't think about food but try making a dieter do that. They are thinking and waiting for their next salad. By dinner time on the fast day I am really hungry and that's when I eat my 500 calories.

As for saying this has little to do with the OP I think that perhaps it does or I would not have commented. I think he has hated dieting and is now very much against depriving himself of food to the extent that he is rebelling against everyone who tries to make him lose weight. He is eating food because his brain wants it and not necessarily his body. If he knew he was allowed that food if he was hungry then maybe, just maybe he wouldn't want it so much. He is allowing himself that food but you can bet your life deep down he feels guilty about eating it.

My husband is 63 and has a 30 inch waist. If he wants a McDonalds or a full English breakfast from the canteen then he will have it. Then he will come home and say, I had bacon and eggs at work today and it was disgusting. Sometimes I cook him a fry up or burgers and we both enjoy it but are so full after that we do not eat until the evening. I'm 8stone 7lbs. I agree with you about not giving in to cravings but you should definitely give in to hunger.

Gloomendoom

onlyroz wrote: »

I was mainly just objecting to the "it takes no willpower" comment. I don't believe that my eating habits changed between my twenties and early thirties. The difference was having two children - breastfeeding makes you absolutely ravenous

I read a UN report yesterday that showed that lactating women need an extra 500 calories over and above their normal daily requirements. Pregnant women, on the other hand, need only an extra 280 calories. About the same as a chunky KitKat.

paulineb_2

globetraveller wrote: »

Take a photo of him and show it to him. Sometimes you don't see what others see until you are presented with a photo. It certainly made an impact on me.
Buy smaller dinner plates. Look at Slimming world. There are so many recipes that he wouldn't even know that it is a diet recipe. If he likes things like chilli. add lots of veg to it. You can then have a mound of food but its mostly veg.
Could you challenge him to a sponsored weight loss with money going towards a charity or similar that he is interested in. This can involve loads of friends so that he feels he has to do it.
Or_ perhaps you could sit down and say how it affects you- sex life being one and suggest going to couples counselling? Could be that you just have to open up about how worried it is making you. Talk about premature death.
Just a few suggestions- you would know which is most likely to work.

Slimming world wasnt for me but I do know people who have done well on it.

paulineb_2

I think salt and sugar are very very addictive. I don't think that its just dieters that struggle with cravings and not stopping when they should have had enough, how many people can open a tube of pringles for example and not stop till they reach the bottom? (Im sure some people can, but many won't).

For me, I reached the point in my life where my desire to get the weight off and keep it off was bigger than my desire for a few packets of crisps of an evening. Ive been injured twice in the last 6 years so Ive been very fit, very unfit, fitter, very unfit again.

The moment where I knew I had to make changes was after seeing a video of me. I knew I was overweight, but that video just made me think, you need to clean up your diet and get weight off. Its been easier than I thought, but I have worked hard at my diet and Ive exercised a lot and its the difference in my fitness from lets say a year ago when I was at my heaviest till now that I can measure the most. I still have some way to go but Ive lost around 15kgs in around 9 months, Ive gained and lost a few pounds along the way and hit a couple of plateaus but I'm feeling good.

It would not take a significant weight loss for the OP's husband to start to feel better, even half a stone to a stone and you take your weight loss a pound or a few pounds at a time.

I'm not on a diet, I cant diet anymore and I wont diet. But it didnt take me long to stop wanting junk food, however the will to change had to be there in the first place.

People could have nagged me until the cows came home, it would have made nil difference, I had to do it for me first and foremost.

MissMoneypenny

dandy-candy wrote: »

If I only make enough to be healthy, he will wait until I'm in bed then either raid the cupboards or drive out to the nearest 24hr supermarket and buy sweets and ice cream.

Hide/lose the car keys overnight. Then he will either have to walk or do without. A win, win situation.

tesuhoha

At best dieting doesn't work. At its worst dieting makes you fat, makes you binge. The diet industry is a multi billion pound concern worldwide. It has no interest in making people slim. If everyone got thin and didn't go back again then they would go out of business. People shouldn't get fat, then get thin, then get fat again. They should find a way of eating that is sustainable.

Incidentally, you can get out of that diet mentality if you relax around food and allow yourself to eat what you want when you are hungry without guilt and self hate.

How to tell if you have a dieter mentality. After indulging in a massive meal the dieter says 'I hate myself. I'm fat and disgusting and I've got to be even stricter with myself tomorrow.' The other person says 'Wow, I'm full.'

Primrose

Well you've tried the tactful routes and they haven't worked so now you have to be brutally painful.
Gather the famiy around the table with your OH and start planning his funeral in bis presence because that is where he is heading. He needs fo face up to the fact that it is not just himself he is damaging and that he has famiiy responsibilities. Separately and privately ask him to move into the spare room or sleep on the sofa because you are now finding him sexually repulsive. You need to shock him into action. Force him to make a Will if he hasn't already done so and make him ask his GP for a free aneurysm screening because overweight people have a tendency to develop them and if an aneurysm bursts it means instant death. He will get no warning.

Give him two days to take stock and think all this through and tell him that you will support him fully but if he is not prepared to do something serious about his weight and health he has run out of road. if you love him and want to keep him alive you are going to have to get very very tough with him now. Good luck!

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

I think salt and sugar are very very addictive. I don't think that its just dieters that struggle with cravings and not stopping when they should have had enough, how many people can open a tube of pringles for example and not stop till they reach the bottom? (Im sure some people can, but many won't).

For me, I reached the point in my life where my desire to get the weight off and keep it off was bigger than my desire for a few packets of crisps of an evening. Ive been injured twice in the last 6 years so Ive been very fit, very unfit, fitter, very unfit again.

The moment where I knew I had to make changes was after seeing a video of me. I knew I was overweight, but that video just made me think, you need to clean up your diet and get weight off. Its been easier than I thought, but I have worked hard at my diet and Ive exercised a lot and its the difference in my fitness from lets say a year ago when I was at my heaviest till now that I can measure the most. I still have some way to go but Ive lost around 15kgs in around 9 months, Ive gained and lost a few pounds along the way and hit a couple of plateaus but I'm feeling good.

It would not take a significant weight loss for the OP's husband to start to feel better, even half a stone to a stone and you take your weight loss a pound or a few pounds at a time.

I'm not on a diet, I cant diet anymore and I wont diet. But it didnt take me long to stop wanting junk food, however the will to change had to be there in the first place.

People could have nagged me until the cows came home, it would have made nil difference, I had to do it for me first and foremost.

I can open a tub of Pringles and eat just one. Sweet chilli crisps are another matter though. :rotfl:Seriously I love them but I just can't eat too many.

Eating is a habit and those who can eat a packet of biscuits etc have progressed far from their natural state. It takes time to get back to eating just a little of what you fancy but you have probably retrained your stomach to want smaller portions. Its not good to restrict foods unless you really don't have any desire for them. Now that you have got back to normality you could probably eat a couple of biscuits/crisps and stop.

tesuhoha

If you want to use shock tactics you could get a couple of people (preferably teenage girls but anyone will do) to talk about his appearance in a disparaging way. This should be supposedly behind his back but he is actually within earshot if you get my drift.

This actually happened to my husband when he was a boy because his mother had never bought him a toothbrush. Young as he was he soon went and bought himself one.

paulineb_2

tesuhoha wrote: »

I can open a tub of Pringles and eat just one. Sweet chilli crisps are another matter though. :rotfl:Seriously I love them but I just can't eat too many.

Eating is a habit and those who can eat a packet of biscuits etc have progressed far from their natural state. It takes time to get back to eating just a little of what you fancy but you have probably retrained your stomach to want smaller portions. Its not good to restrict foods unless you really don't have any desire for them. Now that you have got back to normality you could probably eat a couple of biscuits/crisps and stop.

No I dont think I could. Im really not good with moderation. I dont eat sweet stuff very often, savoury is something I struggle with.

If I have them in the house I'll have them in a couple of packets at a time. If I want any junk food, I'll go out for a meal and have a bit of that, I wont have it around me at home. And I dont want it to the extent that I make out of hours trips to the supermarket, I just dont want temptation in my way.

There are lots of reasons why people eat too much, drink too much. Its not always about eating or being full, or even about food or alcohol. Sometimes its about emotional issues. I actually never saw myself as an emotional eater but somewhere along the line I must have been. Ive had a tough few years and its no surprise to me that my weight went up and didnt stay stable.

I used to be ok with moderation, now Im not and even though Im feeling better in myself I still wont risk getting certain foods in in bulk, its not worth it.