Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

No I dont think I could. Im really not good with moderation. I dont eat sweet stuff very often, savoury is something I struggle with.

If I have them in the house I'll have them in a couple of packets at a time. If I want any junk food, I'll go out for a meal and have a bit of that, I wont have it around me at home. And I dont want it to the extent that I make out of hours trips to the supermarket, I just dont want temptation in my way.

There are lots of reasons why people eat too much, drink too much. Its not always about eating or being full, or even about food or alcohol. Sometimes its about emotional issues. I actually never saw myself as an emotional eater but somewhere along the line I must have been. Ive had a tough few years and its no surprise to me that my weight went up and didnt stay stable.

I used to be ok with moderation, now Im not and even though Im feeling better in myself I still wont risk getting certain foods in in bulk, its not worth it.

Oh well, as long as your way is working for you that's all that matters. Everyone has to find their own way to do it. To be honest I cut down on the sweet chilli crisps because I dropped a small one on the floor and didn't notice. When I eventually did there was a massive grease mark on the wood. It made me think how much fat there was in just a few crisps. So now I only eat one or two and that's only when we have a G&T.

But well done, keep up the good work!

pukkamum

This may be worth a look
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Hypnotic-Gastric-Band-DVD/dp/0593070747

Mojisola

As well as picking out what might help him from the advice already given, I'd second getting a good insurance policy, wills (not joint wills) and a funeral plan sorted out.

If you can't change him, you need to make sure your and the children's future is protected.

jaylee3

tesuhoha wrote: »

If you want to use shock tactics you could get a couple of people (preferably teenage girls but anyone will do) to talk about his appearance in a disparaging way. This should be supposedly behind his back but he is actually within earshot if you get my drift.

This actually happened to my husband when he was a boy because his mother had never bought him a toothbrush. Young as he was he soon went and bought himself one.

This just sounds cruel and vindictive, and could actually be counter-productive. If my husband got a couple of teen boys to say 'hey look at the state of that big fat cow,' when I was in earshot, I would be devastated if I found he had planned it, to 'shame me.' And I would eat even more.

Imagine if a man had come on here, and asked another man to get some teenage boys to 'shame' his fat smelly pig of a wife into losing weight. Oh dear God....... I can just imagine the outcry on here. It seems OK to be horribly offensive towards a man though.

I agree with Paulineb, that the OP should not rule out depression and low self esteem, and I fear that the nagging is making him worse.

I really don't know the answer, but I am certain that nagging and bullying certainly isn't it.

A really long talk with him and a genuine heart to heart is what is needed, so you can see what can be done. It may be that NOTHING can be done, and you may need to walk away as it's clearly making you unhappy and causing issues.

The question is, are you really concerned about his health or do you just find him repugnant and gross? I think, reading between the lines, that it's the latter.

What is his height anyway? 21 stone wouldn't necessarily be massively obese on some men. And it's really not a LOT more than the 18 stone he was when you met him. I am thinking there's more to this story...

Really have NO idea how someone can eat ONE pringle LOL.

Horace

Pringles are vile - I have eaten one and would be quite happy not to eat another.:j

Sugar is bad and what is worse is that it comes hidden in foods especially ready-made meals. I have cut down on my sugar intake - I actually eat better because I cook every night from scratch. Sure I make bake cakes occasionally but I substitute sugar for stevia which is sweeter than sugar and totally natural so as a result I use far less. I don't deprive myself even though I have a mother who nags and nags and nags "why don't you lose weight?" "you are getting fat" "you are fat" "you will never get a job because you are fat" . Heck she even comes round and comments on what I have in the fridge - I have some Green & Blacks 85% cocoa very dark chocolate in there, it has been there for 6 months, I will eat a square if I have a chocolate craving either that or I will grate it over my coffee. Having someone nag at you constantly is demoralising especially when that person hijacks you by trying to force you to eat cake and serving up stodgy puddings when you go around for dinner.

Maybe if you cooked and maybe got your hubby involved in the cooking - he might feel a bit better about food.

Tanswell88

My opinion is as follows (this is from someone who once weighed almost 20st).

Unfortunately all your nagging and shouting is pointless. It might help for a week or two but until your husband CHOOSES FOR HIM SELF that HE wants to do it, it won't happen.
He just won't have the motivation to stick to it.
I had doctors and family members telling me how worried they was etc... I could barely get off the floor after changing my little ones nappy. My stomach over hung and I couldn't see my lady bits. I am only 25. I'd eat good for a few days and then slip into old habits. I was (although to the outside seemed happy) miserable and ate to be happy and then that would make me mad. It was a catch 22.

I woke up one day and something had just clicked I didn't want to be fat anymore and that was it, I am now down 6st (my husband also lost 50lbs from the back of my weight loss too) in 18 months.

I hated the thought of the gym, my god the thought of going into a gym weighing nearly 20st scared the beejuzs out of me, all those 'people' looking at me (even though they probably wasn't) laughing at the fatty on the treadmill. No way, not in a million years. Infact I am only just at 13st feeling confident enough to get a gym membership.
For the past year and a half I have done weight watchers and walking. Nothing fancy, just small changes. That's it. At first I'd aim to walk ten thousand steps a day, taking the stairs instead of a lift, getting off the bus a stop earlier, not getting lifts from the husband when I could walk.
I also think my biggest help is that on the day I get weighed I eat whatever I want for the full day... Nothing is off limits.

I hope your husband decides to change his lifestyle for himself before it's too late.

dandy-candy

He doesn't have anyone in the family who could have a quiet word with him as they are all quite overweight too. He looks at food as a reward, if he's had a hard day or done well in something he want to celebrate with a big blow out meal. He also gets competitive about being able to out eat the other men at the table?!
I think hiding his car keys is an excellent idea as he wouldn't bother walking anywhere for snacks. Also it was interesting hearing that a video made one poster start dieting. I have taken sly photos of him lying on the sofa or walking around the bedroom in his pants and he says its just a bad photo. A video would really show him as he is, a bit cruel but I think it might help.
He is 6ft 2 which is quite tall. He could carry 18st ok as he was a bit more muscle then and only chubby on his belly. That extra 3st he has now really is all fat and he's definitely lost some muscle too. Now his tummy is huge and the weight is on his face and back also.
Unfortunately I do still love and fancy him, that's the problem. If I didn't I would be relieved that our bedroom time has hit the wall.

mummyroysof3

I think it's a very difficult situation to solve. He won't do anything about it unless he wants to. It's the same with what a lot of people have with excessive spending....when that light bulb moment hits then something might change. I'm wondering if using the opposite tactic might work and make no comment whatsoever about food or weight even though it's really hard not too. I also have a husband that has been advised to lose weight but I don't think he sees it as bad enough to put in any effort so I've left him to it now

jaylee3

Horace wrote: »

Pringles are vile - I have eaten one and would be quite happy not to eat another.:j

Sugar is bad and what is worse is that it comes hidden in foods especially ready-made meals. I have cut down on my sugar intake - I actually eat better because I cook every night from scratch. Sure I make bake cakes occasionally but I substitute sugar for stevia which is sweeter than sugar and totally natural so as a result I use far less. I don't deprive myself even though I have a mother who nags and nags and nags "why don't you lose weight?" "you are getting fat" "you are fat" "you will never get a job because you are fat" . Heck she even comes round and comments on what I have in the fridge - Having someone nag at you constantly is demoralising especially when that person hijacks you by trying to force you to eat cake and serving up stodgy puddings when you go around for dinner.

Maybe if you cooked and maybe got your hubby involved in the cooking - he might feel a bit better about food.

Very good post. Particularly the bit I have bolded. :T

margaretclare

Have you ever watched 'Supersize vs Superskinny' on Channel 4 TV?

Enough examples on there to frighten anyone into making changes.

I don't think any form of fasting will work - it's the first day of Lent tomorrow! - until he starts to get his head round the concept of eating smaller portions, stopping when full, eating slowly at a table using knife and fork (not eating in front of TV for instance). In other words, be aware of what he eats, don't just shovel it down while watching the rugby etc. Sugar is now recognised to be the big baddie, less so is fat. There is a thing called the 'healthy eating plate' from the NHS which shows the proportion of types of foods that should be eaten, and the size.

What he's doing is shortening his life. Very selfish, for anyone who has a partner and/or family.