Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

Monkeyballs

Mr_F_Dorsetty wrote: »

The OP is not at, to paraphrase, 'the first sign' of anything, she is several hundred miles down the road and hitting her against the wall is really starting to hurt. She is at her wits end, can't you see that in her language usage?

Th OP's 1st post on here? That imo is a last ditch attempt to sort out what SHE feels, it is not essentially about him, it is about her and quite rightly so. Plus if you are not in control of yourself how can you hope to help others? Everything comes from the wrong starting point and helps no one.

Hi Mr F,

After reading the posts from the OP I really don't agree with this at all...

With the exception of the last post which contained the 'Rebel' comment she expresses worry but also that she still loves and really fancies him (otherwise, as she goes on to explain, she wouldn't mind failure in the bedroom) so I don't read this as being a last ditch attempt but rather a call out for opinions from people who are either in or have been in or at least know someone who is/was but successfully beat the problem in question.

I do think you're possibly right about a childhood issue and the rebelling reference being linked to being nagged though and that is where she needs to take a lead from IMO.

I've mentioned in an earlier post on this thread to roll with the punches a bit more and be careful of your replies? If you don't and you continue to post such defensive and aggressive replies then you are in danger of hijacking this poor womans thread!

Additional: I've looked at some of the other threads started by the same OP and this is taken from one entitled 'Years 50-60 compared to 40-50?' started on 20/02/14; "Do people become more noticeably old and less fit/healthy after 50? I'm not going to trade him in, but I want to know what to expect!".

MB

Monkeyballs

Hi Candy Dandy,

I've jumped in on your thread at quite a late stage but can see that you've already received some great advice and had a few pics shared from people who have lost a load of weight (doffs cap to adouglasmhor, good going sir! ).

I've had a look at some of you other threads and can see that you've started to look at your own weight and are looking for help and have actively been making changes to the way in which you eat and trying to introduce it in meal plans etc which is great!

What are you doing to record how well you are doing? How would you feel about maybe keeping some sort of photo diary which you can keep adding to and have pinned up on the wall or fridge or something like that?

Basically, I agree with some of what Mr F has mentioned and think that the 'Rebel' comment is in reference to having been told in the past (and from the sound of it more recently) and to be blunt;

Fat people don't like people calling them fat

It's a bit of a cliche to say it but it's true when people go on about comfort eating, so while you are only trying to do what is best for your hubby you pushing him is possibly having the reverse effect...

This is why I think something visual which shows your progress might be helpful, you're not having a go at him directly but by looking after yourself and visually displaying the results you might trigger something of a competitive streak in him? Or at least that you're not just having a dig at him alone...

I'm not saying it will definitely work but I know that in the past my last GF did this and I lost a couple of stone because the smaller she got, the bigger I felt LOL plus, when he starts to lose a bit of weight then doing other activities won't be so tiring and painful... If Mohammed won't come to the mountain and all that

MB

[Deleted User]

If he is struggling to maintain big changes for any worthwhile length of time, then try and get him to make one change, stick to it, and then wait until he is ready to make another.

If snacking is his weakness, maybe cut out snacking between meals. Or use smaller plates for portion control, or add some exercise - start with walking and build up. If in any doubt, he should contact his doctor.

But trying to overall everything at once is tough, and in a way I can see that it is setting him up to fail.

Maybe start with small changes, and more from there as his confidence builds?

adouglasmhor

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You've done really well Douglas, you've come a long way, and are looking good on it! I remember you being on the 5:2 thread, did you lose all your weight that way?

I got down to the weight in the kettlebell pic by cutting down and making better choices along with becoming a lot more physically active. I had plateaued at around that weight and then jut over a year ago started 5:2 and that restarted a slow steady weight loss, I seem to be on a little plateau weight wise just now but measurements are still changing a little at a time so I will keep going.

Georgiegirl256

adouglasmhor wrote: »

I got down to the weight in the kettlebell pic by cutting down and making better choices along with becoming a lot more physically active. I had plateaued at around that weight and then jut over a year ago started 5:2 and that restarted a slow steady weight loss, I seem to be on a little plateau weight wise just now but measurements are still changing a little at a time so I will keep going.

:T Well done, that's brilliant!

Apologies if I missed this, and you've already mentioned it, but what was the thing that started you off on your weight loss journey? What thing just clicked into place for you?

Do you find it's become a way of life now? Or do you think you could easily slip back into your old ways if you were that way inclined?

adouglasmhor

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

:T Well done, that's brilliant!

Apologies if I missed this, and you've already mentioned it, but what was the thing that started you off on your weight loss journey? What thing just clicked into place for you?

Do you find it's become a way of life now? Or do you think you could easily slip back into your old ways if you were that way inclined?

Sorry it’s taken me a while to type this.
I was diagnosed in 1992 with hepatitis C and took part in a year long trial of Interferon A/Roferon just over a year later, which failed to clear it. I kept on working and my GF moved in with me, I ate too much of the wrong stuff, drank more than I really should’ve and hardly exercised at all. I steadily gained weight, lost muscle I had built up as a squaddy, tug of war player, amateur boxer and a rugby player. I ended up being told on my annual check up my liver was becoming fatty and scarring had started (cirrhosis). So I took part in another trial this time combined chemical therapy - peginterferon and ribavarin, , I was the heaviest HepC patient they had ever treated so I got the biggest dose of interferon anyone had ever taken which really knocked the life out me. During this treatment my weight really ballooned (it tires you out – I used to sit like a zombie watching TV, fall asleep in work and really started comfort eating at this time too). I did not drink alcohol for that entire course of treatment but I ate like a horse at work, I was a real sugar junkie – possibly trying to gain energy from somewhere. I kept those habits after the course had finished which didn’t help as you can imagine.
At the end of that course I was told I was clear and I was obviously elated, phoning family etc.
Six weeks later at the follow up, I saw the research sister’s face and I knew something was wrong. The virus had re-appeared, it had not gone, just gone down to such a low level it had not shown on the tests. On the plus side, the cirrhosis had gone, the inflammation in my joints had faded, my liver was less fatty (this was in the days just before they could ultrasound your liver accurately so it was biopsies that checked this. Despite being upset about still having the virus I did feel much better than before the treatment, before it you could feel my liver below my last rib after it was less sensitive and had shrunk back to just about normal. I was well over 21 stone at this point though, sweated the whole time even in my sleep, had sleep apnoea, snored so badly my GF would sometimes get up and sleep in the living room and very low self worth.

As we were at GRI near the city centre GF took me for a coffee in Peckhams in Glasgow City Centre – which is a deli with a cafe in it and it had premises they let out upstairs. There was a poster for a martial art I had never heard of being taught in the Chi Yoga Centre upstairs and as I was feeling a bit better I wondered if I should try it as before I joined the army I had dabbled a little in Kung fu.

I said to my GF I was thinking about it and she was quite supportive. I walked up to the centre to see what it was like, had to rest half way up as it was three flights and took a leaflet.
The next day I started using the stairs in work whenever I could. As soon as I could do three flights without stopping I went in early so I could recover from the climb and joined the class.
The instructor had a word and I told him about my HepC, he said that was OK as they did not do full on sparring until very senior grades and even then it was not compulsory. First class I was exhausted after maybe 20 minutes, after a year I could finish the class (though I still sweated like a pig), my posture and gait had improved and I had discovered that my teacher was a qualified kinesiologist and did motivational and rehab stuff for sports people. He told me I had a problem with dairy products and I cut them out – sure enough my hay fever and sleep apnoea abated. I hurt my hip practicing a kick and went to the drop in physio at the local health centre. She gave me some exercises and told me my core was weak

I found a core stability class at a sports centre and started going, my GF joined as well (she was P’d off that she was having trouble getting a pair of size 14 jeans to fit), someone at the class said why don’t you try body balance, we did and soon tried Body Combat, Body Pump and eventually did a couple of boot Camp courses as well, I gained my Black Belt, I started taking an interest in what I ate and its effects on me. With weight loss started I fell doing a ladder run over tyres on bootcamp one day and bashed a rib, it seemed to never heal and flare up now and again for no reason and my abdomen would swell too. I ended up in hospital with jaundice and it was a gallstone – which can happen with weight loss and nothing to do with the rib at all. I had it removed; I was back at the gym being very careful in 3 weeks. I started kettlebell training with an ad hoc group of rugby players, wrestlers and martial artists – which is where the kettle bell picture is from. If you look closely you will see a figure heading towards the trees down the hill in the background, when he got back you took 20 seconds recovery and started on the next station. I started 5:2 and added metafit to the mix not long after and that’s about it so far.
I don’t think I will ever go back to my bad choices of before, though I can have real cheat days. GF is the same weight she was when she struggled to get into a size 14 but is now a size 8. I am probably fitter than when I left the army. I certainly have more energy. I have days when I over do it. I ate over 3,970 calories one day just before Christmas the year before last (I had the office Christmas lunch then our works night out on the same day), I told one of the gym instructors at a kettlercise class and she reckoned she had beaten me by at least 200 calories that day.

So you can see –nothing dramatic, baby steps all the way but I have seen improvements since just weeks after I started. I do things without thinking I would have not even attempted before. I have been hill walking with a full pack, sparred with senior grades from other martial arts, can hold a plank for over three minutes, got 10 on a bleep test last year, can get out a chair without grunting, don’t feel tired when I wake up, don’t sweat all the time and best of all can look in the mirror and not feel ashamed.

adouglasmhor

GF and I still go to fitness classes togethr a few times a week, it means you go even if you are tired sometimes but it's always better after you have finished.

adouglasmhor

Monkeyballs wrote: »

Hi Mr F,

After reading the posts from the OP I really don't agree with this at all...

With the exception of the last post which contained the 'Rebel' comment she expresses worry but also that she still loves and really fancies him (otherwise, as she goes on to explain, she wouldn't mind failure in the bedroom) so I don't read this as being a last ditch attempt but rather a call out for opinions from people who are either in or have been in or at least know someone who is/was but successfully beat the problem in question.

I do think you're possibly right about a childhood issue and the rebelling reference being linked to being nagged though and that is where she needs to take a lead from IMO.

I've mentioned in an earlier post on this thread to roll with the punches a bit more and be careful of your replies? If you don't and you continue to post such defensive and aggressive replies then you are in danger of hijacking this poor womans thread!

Additional: I've looked at some of the other threads started by the same OP and this is taken from one entitled 'Years 50-60 compared to 40-50?' started on 20/02/14; "Do people become more noticeably old and less fit/healthy after 50? I'm not going to trade him in, but I want to know what to expect!".

MB

Just to say - I'm 51.

Gloomendoom

Monkeyballs wrote: »

Additional: I've looked at some of the other threads started by the same OP and this is taken from one entitled 'Years 50-60 compared to 40-50?' started on 20/02/14; "Do people become more noticeably old and less fit/healthy after 50? I'm not going to trade him in, but I want to know what to expect!".

MB

I would say it depends on the individual. For example, my father is getting on for 90 but my wife reckons he is less 'old' than her dad who is has just turned 70.

My father is quite willing and capable of walking four or five miles on his own cross country, up (very steep) hill and down dale to buy a newspaper. My wife's dad hates walking because it hurts and consequentially drives everywhere. Their mental outlook is also noticeably different. My dad is still full of fun and willing to embrace new technology whereas my FIL as an old fuddy duddy.

I'm sure genes and luck play a big part in deciding who falls apart prematurely.

~Chameleon~

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I would say it depends on the individual. For example, my father is getting on for 90 but my wife reckons he is less 'old' than her dad who is has just turned 70.

My father is quite willing and capable of walking four or five miles on his own cross country, up (very steep) hill and down dale to buy a newspaper. My wife's dad hates walking because it hurts and consequentially drives everywhere. Their mental outlook is also noticeably different. My dad is still full of fun and willing to embrace new technology whereas my FIL as an old fuddy duddy.

I'm sure genes and luck play a big part in deciding who falls apart prematurely.

I'd like to think I'll be in your father's camp when I reach that age. This reminds me of a friend who is the same age as me (late forties) yet to hear her talk you'd think she was in her sixties, complaining of aches and pains and feeling old etc. Whereas I seem to have got physically and mentally stuck in my thirties somewhere along the line. Can't ever see me growing old gracefully :rotfl: