Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

Georgiegirl256

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Mrs G and I have agreed that if either one of us starts to look a bit chubby, the other should mention it.

It works for us.

I would prefer that, I like people to be honest.

dandy-candy

Just a little update. I've been doing exercises at home myself for a couple of weeks and crossing it off on a chart in the bedroom where DH could see it. I went onto the Arthritis uk site which said how important it is to exercise the knee and make it stronger, so for 2 days now he has been doing a 1 mile walking exercise off YouTube (I believe the lady is called Leslie Sansome if anyone wants to try it) and I've been doing it with him for company. He is very self conscious about exercising, he literally froze at one point last night because he thought one of the kids was coming downstairs.
Hearing that Bob Crow died yesterday at 52 was a reminder for him that larger people can drop dead prematurely.
About the earlier comment saying it is unkind to point out a loved ones weight, I disagree if it is done with offers to help them. Pointing and laughing at a stranger in the street is cruel, but mentioning to a loved one that they are overweight isnt if your trying to help someone save themselves when gentle approaches don't work. If someone married with kids is smoking or drinking themselves to death people think them utterly selfish. But if they are eating themselves to death it is selfish too, you can't always puss foot around the subject for fear of looking sizist.

redfragglebiker

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Mrs G and I have agreed that if either one of us starts to look a bit chubby, the other should mention it.

It works for us.

Have to second this as it works for me and the OH too - We both started noticing that the weight had snuck on a bit (nothing drastic but we did realise that neither of us felt particularly good about ourselves) so we decided to do something together. It started with small things like a long walk after dinner etc and we both started to feel better even if the results didn;t come straight away. Fast forward 18 months and he's now down 2 sizes on his waist and I've lost just under 2 stone. It's been slow and steady but easier to keep off that way. We're pretty good food wise for most of the week but every Saturday night is "cheat day" where we allow ourselves proper chips in the fryer or a really indulgent dessert - basically Saturday is have what you like for tea today! We've also both found that as time has gone on we actually don't need to eat anywhere near as much to feel satisfied and sufficiently full. We're bother fitter, slimmer and healther and it is so much easier when someone else is doing it with you and you can support each other. I really wish the OP and her Hubby the very best of luck.

heartbreak_star

Looks like I'm the exception to the rule *chuckles* if someone tells/told me I'm fat, it makes me die a bit inside and sends me straight to the fridge because "it doesn't matter, I'm fat anyway so f**k it".

In a way though, I'm very glad that not everyone is like that, if that makes sense just please spare a thought for those who are and be kind with your words

HBS x

Mojisola

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Looks like I'm the exception to the rule *chuckles* if someone tells/told me I'm fat, it makes me die a bit inside and sends me straight to the fridge because "it doesn't matter, I'm fat anyway so f**k it".

In a way though, I'm very glad that not everyone is like that, if that makes sense just please spare a thought for those who are and be kind with your words

I don't think you're an exception by a long way. Many overweight people feel the same but it shouldn't be a taboo subject between close friends or family members.

Starting to talk about it from the point of view of health would be better than talking about being fat or obese because of the reaction you describe.

People who are fat know they are fat and very few are actually comfortable with it. Some have accepted that's how they are but most would prefer to be slimmer.

If food is being used as a comforter or an escape, no amount of dieting will work until the reason behind the need to eat is dealt with.

heartbreak_star

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think you're an exception by a long way. Many overweight people feel the same but it shouldn't be a taboo subject between close friends or family members.

Starting to talk about it from the point of view of health would be better than talking about being fat or obese because of the reaction you describe.

People who are fat know they are fat and very few are actually comfortable with it. Some have accepted that's how they are but most would prefer to be slimmer.

If food is being used as a comforter or an escape, no amount of dieting will work until the reason behind the need to eat is dealt with.

Spot on

HBS x

Georgiegirl256

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Looks like I'm the exception to the rule *chuckles* if someone tells/told me I'm fat, it makes me die a bit inside and sends me straight to the fridge because "it doesn't matter, I'm fat anyway so f**k it".

In a way though, I'm very glad that not everyone is like that, if that makes sense just please spare a thought for those who are and be kind with your words

HBS x

As Mojisola says, you're far from the exception I'm sure. But wouldn't you prefer your OH to tell you even if it was blunty (because all other methods had failed) if he was worried about your weight?

I sometimes get angry (to myself!) with my OH as he has a similar attitude, as in something annoys him or he's feeling down, so what does he do? Yes, he reaches for the biscuit barrel or cream cakes. It annoys me because I was the same with cigarettes, but I through sheer will power alone, gave them up (over 4 years now), I sometimes wonder why he doesn't care enough about his own health to do something about it, and give up the bad foods like I did with the cigarettes? That makes me sad. When he tells me he knows he's overweight, wants to do something about it....but doesn't.

I would never dream of telling a stranger they were overweight, but for loved ones, once you've tried the softly softly way, what else are you meant to do?

I guess it's down to that individual when they have their 'lightbulb moment'.

heartbreak_star

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

As Mojisola says, you're far from the exception I'm sure. But wouldn't you prefer your OH to tell you even if it was blunty (because all other methods had failed) if he was worried about your weight?

I guess it's down to that individual when they have their 'lightbulb moment'.

Honestly? I wish I knew whether I'd want him to tell me. Something for me to think about

Second part - yep, totally.

I know I have come across as snappy and almost irrational here, and those of you who've posted on other threads I'm on know that's not me. I guess it's because it is a subject that touches so many nerves for me, and makes me go :mad: and and even :eek: at the same time.

I do apologise if anyone has been offended by my snappiness.

HBS x

fufu_banterwaite

I guess everyone is different and everyone responds to different things in different ways. But if you’ve tried the ‘softly, softly’ approach and that hasn’t worked then you need to change tact and be bluntly honest with him.

I suspect that no fatties are genuinely happy with being big old porkers, and would love to change, but some are too proud to admit it.

I think at lot of it is down to willpower, having the willpower to eat a sensible balanced diet and the willpower to exercise and keep fit.

Georgiegirl256

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Honestly? I wish I knew whether I'd want him to tell me. Something for me to think about

Second part - yep, totally.

I know I have come across as snappy and almost irrational here, and those of you who've posted on other threads I'm on know that's not me. I guess it's because it is a subject that touches so many nerves for me, and makes me go :mad: and and even :eek: at the same time.

I do apologise if anyone has been offended by my snappiness.

HBS x

No need for apologies. I don't think you've come across as snappy or irrational at all.