Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

lostinrates

Saturnalia wrote: »

And then there's the fact we don't know what is happening in a person's life. Some people overeat in times of trouble, some lose their appetites entirely, and some reach for other substances or harmful behaviours, yet using food to cope can't be hidden while other habits can.

What an excellent post. Its worth noting my husband (who had a 'brush with anorexia' in his youth, finds it difficult to eat when stressed and ip likes the gym, He can drop weight very quickly.

Despite this being very unhealthy he notes how much he is complimented when this happens and what a strange world it is.

Its also worth noting I have been told repeatedly when I fret it is healthier for a woman to be over rather than underweight. (Remembering no extreme is 'healthy') and that slightly over weight is slightly healthier than slightly underweight for women in general.

As underweight as some people are overweight is, simply.....dead. For men, I believe the inverse is true and slightly underweight is considered 'healthier'.

Cloudydaze

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

My first reaction included some unprintable words, and the word smug.

You are very very smug and lucky. For most people it's NOT that simple.

I'm neither smug, nor lucky (except with my health maybe).

I put on weight very easily. I have a weakness for chocolate & other sweet treats.

Yes, I'm happy with my weight. That comes from accepting that if I want to be the weight I am and eat the food I want I need to excercise a lot. I cycle to work most days even in winter & rain (1.5hrs a day) I also go the gym and run at weekends (another 1hr a day). I'm fit but I'm not superfit. I'm more of a plodder.

I'm not smug. I'm not special. I'm not blessed with skinny genes. I'm just an ordinary person who realised that my weight is down to the choices I make.

It's not that easy and some days I'm less motivated than others.

Clearly if you have a physical problem that prevents you from excercising, then it's not going to be easy. I do feel desperately sorry for people where this is the case.

In the same way, we shouldn't make assumptions about fat people. You shouldn't automatically assume that thin people are just lucky.

My life (body) could have gone either way.

lostinrates

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I'm neither smug, nor lucky (except with my health maybe).

I put on weight very easily. I have a weakness for chocolate & other sweet treats.

Yes, I'm happy with my weight. That comes from accepting that if I want to be the weight I am and eat the food I want I need to excercise a lot. I cycle to work most days even in winter & rain (1.5hrs a day) I also go the gym and run at weekends (another 1hr a day). I'm fit but I'm not superfit. I'm more of a plodder.

I'm not smug. I'm not special. I'm not blessed with skinny genes. I'm just an ordinary person who realised that my weight is down to the choices I make.

It's not that easy and some days I'm less motivated than others.

Clearly if you have a physical problem that prevents you from excercising, then it's not going to be easy. I do feel desperately sorry for people where this is the case.

In the same way, we shouldn't make assumptions about fat people. You shouldn't automatically assume that thin people are just lucky.

My life (body) could have gone either way.

Before I was unwell and my body fat (used purposely rather than weight)was stable my clothes size and weight still fluctuated a size with hormones...bra sizes changing across a month, close fitting clothes. Most but not all of my friends were the same. Because a lot of us did things for which weight mattered things like this were a frequent topic of conversation.

Gloomendoom

lostinrates wrote: »

As underweight as some people are overweight is, simply.....dead. For men, I believe the inverse is true and slightly underweight is considered 'healthier'.

As a male, I'm not sure that I would get many complements if I dropped to less than 10st 7 at 6"4'.

I get complemented on being slim now despite, according to the BMI charts, bordering on being overweight.

Georgiegirl256

Cloudydaze wrote: »

This is what I genuinely don't understand. I have been the same clothes size all my life. That's not to say my weight hasn't fluctuated over the years but... I have never bought clothes in the next size up. As soon as jeans get a little snug, I just up the exercise and watch what I eat for a few days.

I just don't understand people who put on weight year after year and just buy bigger and bigger clothes. How do they afford it?

I always thought that, was always complacent and thought I'd always be a size 8-10, as no matter what I ate, I didn't put any weight on. It's only in the last few years, as I've entered my 30's, not doing as much exercise as I used to, and yes....developing more of a sweet tooth, that the weight has creeped slowly on, and I've went up to a size 12 (which I know isn't big, but it's bigger than I was)....which will soon be a size 14 if I don't do anything about it.

I don't know how old you are, but if you're still only say in your 20's, your time might come, as the pounds creep on.

Most people do buy some form of new clothing from year to year, charity shops, Peacocks, Primark, even New Look, are all very affordable. Wether I've put weight on or not, I still buy new clothes, so I don't really 'get' your 'How do they afford it?' comment.

lostinrates

Gloomendoom wrote: »

As a male, I'm not sure that I would get many complements if I dropped to less than 10st 7 at 6"4'.

I get complemented on being slim now despite, according to the BMI charts, bordering on being overweight.

Some like the waif look. . And interestingly, its not how fashio no applies health to image now. ( there must be some proviso I cannot remember to this glib little statement ....dieticians and some types of doctor are full of these little statements.... There is another one I am grasping for but cannot quite remember ATM). The qualifiers are always more interesting.

I think the whole topic is interesting because we are talking about two things that are both important, but very differently so.

One is look (compliments, attraction, judgement, fashion self confidence )

The other is health ( vitality, mental health as well as physical application of average to individual and how easy that may or may not be and self worth, )

Both, IMO, have a place in our lives, I'm not knocking a desire to be slim, how can I when I have it myself. I have sympathy with OP. , yet I know NOW, after the deck of cards fell, how lucky I was before they fell. I find the terminology being used interesting because its pretty much how I feel and know people must feel when they look at me) yet I know its not so.

tea_lover

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Most people do buy some form of new clothing from year to year, charity shops, Peacocks, Primark, even New Look, are all very affordable. Wether I've put weight on or not, I still buy new clothes, so I don't really 'get' your 'How do they afford it?' comment.

There’s quite a difference between treating yourself to a few new things each year and having to buy a whole new wardrobe as nothing you own fits anymore. I certainly couldn't afford to replace all the clothes I need.

lostinrates

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I've just about cried reading that, lostinrates..

Hugs to you. You are strong, and your husband sounds awesome

HBS x

I really am not strong. I didn't choose this, and I'd choose to be rid of it could I be. I'm on horrid drugs which I think are impacting on my mood ATM which makes me feel very UN strong. (I'm one a three week wait for a phone call from my GP to see if I can come off them) I've taken them for a long time with no problem (you have to be on a sort of suicide watch as they put you on them but I was fine) so I am hoping its just the pills!

But my DH IS awesome . He is quite simply wonderful, gets more wonderful each year and I couldn't be luckier. You win some you lose some. I drew a cr4ppy health hand. But I could never have hoped for a life partner like him.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

There’s quite a difference between treating yourself to a few new things each year and having to buy a whole new wardrobe as nothing you own fits anymore. I certainly couldn't afford to replace all the clothes I need.

The thing is, unless you lose or put on an extraordinary amount of weight,, I've never known anyone have to replace their whole wardrobe in one go. Even my husband who has put on about 5-6 stone didn't have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe in one go. He's gradually had to buy bigger jeans, bigger t-shirts (just usually got cheaper ones as he wears them underneath a top), his jumpers and hoodies, a few have had to be replaced, but surprisingly, quite a few still fit, and they never looked too big when he was smaller?

I guess it maybe depends on where abouts the weight goes on? In his case it's mainly round his face and his belly, so he actually still could get into some smaller jeans.

Same with me, my weight has gone on on my thighs and bum mainly (it can never go on where you want it to can it?!), so my top half has mainly stayed the same and so I haven't had to replace many tops at all.

Georgiegirl256

lostinrates wrote: »

But my DH IS awesome . He is quite simply wonderful, gets more wonderful each year and I couldn't be luckier. You win some you lose some. I drew a cr4ppy health hand. But I could never have hoped for a life partner like him.

That's lovely LIF I know where you're coming from, as I'm going through a particularly sh*tty time ATM too, and my DH has been been my rock....