Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

Cloudydaze

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Slightly off tangent, but is it fair to assume those saying they'd leave a fat partner/not find them attractive etc, would feel the same if someone lost a lot of weight or was really skinny? If I'd lost a lot of weight and looked too skinny I would equally want to be told but I feel somehow people don't see it that way

Part of the unattractiveness of obesity for me is not just the physical appearance. It's what it represents - lack of self-control, lack of self-respect, and of course the fact that obesity will lead to all sorts of health issues and ultimately reduce life-span. I'm also very active - run, cycle, walk. I like doing these with a partner so I would definitely go off someone if they had no energy to do the things I love.

If someone was too skinny as a result of being too obsessive about food. That could be an issue. If it was because, they were just very active and just not interested in food, then I don't think that would make them any less attractive (to me).

Cloudydaze

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What is acceptable will vary from person to person and couple to couple.

In our house it never even gets as far at the next size up in clothes. It's nipped in the bud long before that.

This is what I genuinely don't understand. I have been the same clothes size all my life. That's not to say my weight hasn't fluctuated over the years but... I have never bought clothes in the next size up. As soon as jeans get a little snug, I just up the exercise and watch what I eat for a few days.

I just don't understand people who put on weight year after year and just buy bigger and bigger clothes. How do they afford it?

Georgiegirl256

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Slightly off tangent, but is it fair to assume those saying they'd leave a fat partner/not find them attractive etc, would feel the same if someone lost a lot of weight or was really skinny? If I'd lost a lot of weight and looked too skinny I would equally want to be told but I feel somehow people don't see it that way

Oh no, I'd tell you. If you were a close friend or relative, I would tell you, as if you lost that much weight that you looked too skinny, then as well as worrying about your weight, I'd be worried that something a lot more serious was wrong with you.

But as with telling someone they are overweight, there are ways and means to tell someone they are too skinny too. People don't realise that you've got to approach it gently, and not do what one of my husbands EX-friends did many years ago when I was at my skinniest (I'm not anymore lol!) and announce to the whole pub after a meal, that 'Georgie's off to the toilet now to stick her fingers down her throat!' That w*nker soon got a swift pint over his head....I was 18 for Christs sake, and even though I was probably at the lower end of the BMI and very thin, I wasn't underweight, anyone who knew me, knew that was my build, and that's how my family is built....a combination of genetics and sport = lean figure.

paulineb_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

This is what I genuinely don't understand. I have been the same clothes size all my life. That's not to say my weight hasn't fluctuated over the years but... I have never bought clothes in the next size up. As soon as jeans get a little snug, I just up the exercise and watch what I eat for a few days.

I just don't understand people who put on weight year after year and just buy bigger and bigger clothes. How do they afford it?

As I said before I battled anxiety and work related stress for a long time. Around 12 years or so in total. There were days where getting out of my bed was a big achievement, even something as simple as going to a supermarket was a big deal. I suffered crippling anxiety due to severe bullying in the workplace which got worse when I complained, changed jobs several times and eventually got out of that line of work altogether, but during the times when things were at its worst for me, getting through the day was the biggest deal, not whether I was exercising or watching what I ate.

I actually did manage to keep exercising through the worst of times when I did a GP referral scheme, but after I left my last full time job I was so low and so lacking in confidence that I didnt set foot in a gym for around two years. Im aware there are other ways you can exercise but Ive always done classes at the gym.

Yes, the best thing for you is to eat well and keep exercising but sometimes you lose focus and doing a simple thing like going to a class is beyond you. Even when I started teaching classes, it took me much longer to get back to an exercise routine of my own.

Its not always about food and food only, your mental health can also be a factor and as Ive also said before, I got nil support from my GPs over a long period of time, I had to deal with just about everything that went on on my own.

Also, some people dont go up dress sizes much even with a significant weight gain. Particularly as those dress sizes can fluctuate so much from shop to shop, ie a 16 in one shop might be a 10 in another.

I always see articles in magazines where people go on a diet, lose 10 pounds and say they go down two dress sizes. Thats not how its been for me. Ive lost 35 pounds in the last year, I was almost at the next size up when I was at my heaviest, but Im still not in the next size down, it will probably take another stone or two for me to drop another dress size.

Plus, not everyone wears jeans. Ive only started wearing jeans again now and thats after losing quite a lot of weight, I wouldnt have worn them this time last year.

I have the problem that Im losing, but as I said above, Ive shifted over two stones, but havent dropped lots of dress sizes, the clothes I have are just much more comfortable and fit better. Also at the moment any "new" clothes Im buying, Im buying from charity shops.

Its very possible for people who are big to buy cheap clothes, there are enough clothing companies such as primark, asda etc that will sell clothes cheaply.

claire16c

Cloudydaze wrote: »

This is what I genuinely don't understand. I have been the same clothes size all my life. That's not to say my weight hasn't fluctuated over the years but... I have never bought clothes in the next size up. As soon as jeans get a little snug, I just up the exercise and watch what I eat for a few days.

I just don't understand people who put on weight year after year and just buy bigger and bigger clothes. How do they afford it?

One of the women on the tv show last night, I think had put on 8 stone in 2 years. She did say it was like carrying an entire person on her.

She must have a whole range of clothes!

lostinrates

Cloudydaze wrote: »

Part of the unattractiveness of obesity for me is not just the physical appearance. It's what it represents - lack of self-control, lack of self-respect, and of course the fact that obesity will lead to all sorts of health issues and ultimately reduce life-span. I'm also very active - run, cycle, walk. I like doing these with a partner so I would definitely go off someone if they had no energy to do the things I love.

If someone was too skinny as a result of being too obsessive about food. That could be an issue. If it was because, they were just very active and just not interested in food, then I don't think that would make them any less attractive (to me).

claire16c wrote: »

One of the women on the tv show last night, I think had put on 8 stone in 2 years. She did say it was like carrying an entire person on her.

She must have a whole range of clothes!

I haven't commented but have read the thread.

I am overweight. I became overweight very quickly, dramatically as a symptom of something that was going wrong with my brain (a neurological condition rather than an emotional one) which was compounded by other health issues that had not been apparent until that point (mainly endocrinological). I went very quickly from some one with frankly, a pretty outstanding body, to one with one that stands out for all the wrong reasons.

There is Not lack of discipline in my eating. I had always been a 'good doer' and knew I couldn't eat as much as my friends in similar sporty lifestyles, and I was very, very fit. If something like a gastric band or something would help me I'd do it, but you see, it wouldn't because my weight problems aren't caused like that. Occasionally a new consultant raises the issue and then the others on my case explain that its agreed and accepted its not my problem, over indulgence. Of course I sometimes in the last decade eat something 'unhealthy'. I am METICULOUS about recording this and accounting for it! because the only way to try and find a solution to my issue is to face it head on. Sometimes I lose a little weight and I get excited and think I am getting better. We've never been able to link this to a change in how much or what I am eating, but rather with the complicated cogs and balances that refuse to be brought into balance by my body.

In my case it was the health issues that lead to the lack of fitness and the weight NOT the other way round, and there has been NO subsequent drop in self discipline. A couple of years ago I started having gastric trouble, which seems to be an unexpected development of my neurological problem. I have also developed some fairly random allergies. For four months over running Christmas I was put on a diet they usually give to ibs patients, with stuff on it that just isn't in my regular eating regime...sugars, white flours, potatoes. No raw veg or fruit. I gained MORE weight and this makes me thoroughly miserable to the point I returned to a situation I was in when I started gaining weight originally where I I was dining it was becoming a real issue trying to eat as I am increasingly fretful about the weight. I cook for my house hold as required, and do not partake usually, when I do its not like 'they do'. Although no expert in human nutrition some parts of my undergrad degree did draw on research in this area to extrapolate from and I have used this as best I can, seen dieticians who all shrug and agree I cannot eat less and already advice supplementing my diet.

I love food and cooking, I never pretend I do not) I love socialising with friends and nn altering, I love the culture of everything to do with meeting around a table. I'm not a fan of chocolate I am not interested in fast foods, gorging. I miss apples, entire, raw apples most of all. And milk. I'd love a glass of skimmed milk some days (what I used to take to line stomach for meds) or at night warmed with some cardamon in it for fragrance.


For the last couple of weeks I have eaten two meals (one socially at waggamamma, one at home with my husband and resident parent) and a glass of vegetable juice daily because I am so damn scared that I have put on yet more weight I am finding it hard to eat food for its own sake, and the veg juice is a delight because its raw, and I have missed raw food while it was 'off limits' (I took my self off the plan not the doctors because it simply was not working for the gut issue and I was gaining weight)

I continue as I have done almost always to record my intake. I miss proper exercise so much when I think about it I cry. My rheumatologist said I might try swimming and aquafit, and I have rarely been so happy, but sadly some of my neurological issues started playing up and my GP said to stop. I'm limited Lin my range of motion by my neurological condition, yet , somedays I'm buzzing and walk more, because its what I can do.

That people assume as I used to about 'fat people' when they look at me is what challenges my self respect most. I absolutely know that 'metabolism' or what not is the first call of many overweight people, and its tough for those of us who really are caught in medical mires. I have to admit if given the choice to be well or slim again I don't know if I would be able to choose 'well' which seems the 'right choice' because I think 'slim' would be a more comfortable place to be back being. (Although of course, were I well I would be or could be slim, and were I slim then it supposes some parts of the mess that is my health would have been resolved)

I am thankful for a husband who throughout makes me feel attractive to him.

Prothet_of_Doom

Cloudydaze wrote: »

This is what I genuinely don't understand. I have been the same clothes size all my life. That's not to say my weight hasn't fluctuated over the years but... I have never bought clothes in the next size up. As soon as jeans get a little snug, I just up the exercise and watch what I eat for a few days.

I just don't understand people who put on weight year after year and just buy bigger and bigger clothes. How do they afford it?

My first reaction included some unprintable words, and the word smug.

You are very very smug and lucky. For most people it's NOT that simple.

paulineb_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

Part of the unattractiveness of obesity for me is not just the physical appearance. It's what it represents - lack of self-control, lack of self-respect, and of course the fact that obesity will lead to all sorts of health issues and ultimately reduce life-span. I'm also very active - run, cycle, walk. I like doing these with a partner so I would definitely go off someone if they had no energy to do the things I love.

If someone was too skinny as a result of being too obsessive about food. That could be an issue. If it was because, they were just very active and just not interested in food, then I don't think that would make them any less attractive (to me).

I put on weight very easily and as I said in other posts have suffered from anxiety and work related stress which manifests itself much like depression. Please dont assume that people who are overweight have nil self respect, I have plenty self respect, my confidence and health just took a battering due to some life events that I could have done without.

Also, who defines what overweight is anyway? People are shocked when I tell them what I weigh because I do a lot of exercise and I dont look as heavy as the scales say I am.

I do fitness classes every week. One or two thump boxing classes, I swim, I do body attack, I lift weights, I do metafit and les mills grit and Im just about to start training for my second triathlon.

It is possible to be fit and still have weight to lose. One thing I dont suffer from is lack of energy.

Also, not once, even at my heaviest, did I ever have to see a GP about any weight related illnesses.

heartbreak_star

I've just about cried reading that, lostinrates..

Hugs to you. You are strong, and your husband sounds awesome

HBS x

Saturnalia

Cloudydaze wrote: »

This is what I genuinely don't understand. I have been the same clothes size all my life. That's not to say my weight hasn't fluctuated over the years but... I have never bought clothes in the next size up. As soon as jeans get a little snug, I just up the exercise and watch what I eat for a few days.

I just don't understand people who put on weight year after year and just buy bigger and bigger clothes. How do they afford it?

The human mind is fascinating, and so little understood. See I'm the same as Cloudydaze, as soon as a waistband starts nipping I rein myself in a bit, but that's just how I deal with it, and it's hard to understand how others don't because I'm not in their head and don't know what they are thinking.

OTOH, I smoked for years and until recently didn't take much exercise and ignored the fact I was very unfit. So there's two massive & dangerous areas of denial I had. Perhaps everyone has one?

Then there's the way that we don't seem to see in the mirror what everyone else sees. It's most obvious in cases of eating disorders or body dysmorphia, where a person's view of their body is completely out of line with reality, but is it possible there are much milder versions of this?

And then there's the fact we don't know what is happening in a person's life. Some people overeat in times of trouble, some lose their appetites entirely, and some reach for other substances or harmful behaviours, yet using food to cope can't be hidden while other habits can.