Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

onlyroz

jaylee3 wrote: »

I wasn't going to post on this thread again, but I have to say that I am really shocked that the people who claim they are so fit and healthy are actually advocating skipping breakfast, and that it's OK to not eat til the afternoon. It's one of the worst things you can do and is very bad for your health.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2013/07/23/why-is-skipping-breakfast-so-bad-for-our-heart-health/

Of course, you don't have to have a massive fry-up, but surely you could have just a bowl of weetabix or even a cereal bar and a yoghurt?

I thought it was common knowledge that skipping breakfast is bad for you. Maybe some people don't have the kind of 'good eating habits' that they like they think they have.

Sorry, but what is "common knowledge" is not necessarily correct. It's perfectly fine to skip breakfast. Feeling a bit hungry won't kill you. Try reading up on the 5:2 diet.

The problem isn't with skipping meals - the problem is with people who skip meals and then binge. It's the binging that's bad for you not the missed meal. Fasting as part of an otherwise healthy diet is extremely good for you.

Mojisola

fufu_banterwaite wrote: »

I suspect that no fatties are genuinely happy with being big old porkers, and would love to change, but some are too proud to admit it.

I think being "too proud" would be a very rare case - finding it too painful to deal with the issues is more likely. Most overweight people have tried to diet and failed or dieted and put the weight (and more) back on.

I think at lot of it is down to willpower, having the willpower to eat a sensible balanced diet and the willpower to exercise and keep fit.

Although, on a macro level, calories in/calories out does work, there are variations within that. There are lots of things that affect your desire to eat and the amount of food that satisfies you. Your gut flora has a lot of control over your appetite; your genes likely play a large part in your food choices; and your emotions drive how and what you eat.

If you are blessed with a good set of genes, the right gut bacteria and a healthy attitude to food, feel grateful rather than superior.:)

It might take you X amount of will power to manage your eating while someone who else might need 10X of will power to maintain a healthy weight.

paulineb_2

My problem was "diets". You end up fixated with food, separate food into good food and bad food, feel guilty all the time.

And I was also at a stage where I thought, I dont have enough willpower, Im just meant to be fat. Which was nonsense. I do have willpower, Ive been eating very healthily for a year now and training 4-5 times a week.

What I needed was self belief. I also speak as someone who has been in relationships where Ive been pressured to lose weight (at a weight of just over 9 stones), Im not that weight anymore btw.

Ive also had the fat insult flung at me when relationships havent been going well, fat cow etc.

I live alone so Ive never had to be with someone and worry about them gaining weight and how I would deal with it. But I remember meeting an ex who gave me a hard time about my size and hes lost the weight now, but he must have been around 20 stones. Hes over 6 foot tall so he can carry a certain amount of weight but he was huge and I remember saying to my mum, I cant believe someone who gave me such a hard time for being a size 12 has put on so much weight (and I know people can gain weight for all sorts of reasons)

It has to come from yourself, the want to change. No one could have made me lose weight until I was good and ready to change my lifestyle for good, because thats what it is, its not a quick fix, its a lifestyle change Ive made.

thistledome

dandy-candy wrote: »

Just a little update. I've been doing exercises at home myself for a couple of weeks and crossing it off on a chart in the bedroom where DH could see it.

I've been reading this thread with interest (DH similar). When I got to the post where your husband said he doesn't like being told what to do, I was going to post that you could try leading by example and he'll hopefully join in when he's ready. I see you've already had the idea, good for you. Best of luck with it all.

Not sure if this will help the OP, but it may be of interest to others reading who struggle with dieting or over-eating. There is a book by Jason Vale called Slim for Life - freedom from the Diet Trap, which has helped a lot of people stop yo-yo dieting and re-programme the way they think about food and eating.

It worked for me and it's worth a read anyway. A large part of the problem according to him is that processed foods are addictive and these addictions cause weight gain. Don't poo poo it until you've read it. Get it from the library if you want to be MSE. Reviews here:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/0007284926/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

dandelionclock30

Who does the shopping in your house? If its both of you then take the bull by the horns and discuss with him what we as a family are now going to have. If its just you, then just get healthy things and he will have to get on with it.
I mean you dont have to go mad, just make sensible changes like having more vegetable based things more lean meat etc and fruits etc and cut out all processed food as well.
I'd just be blunt and say that hes a big risk for a heart attack unless he addresses his weight. Even if he just loses a pound a week its o.k. 21 stones is very fat indeed and he will know this himself. I would lead by example and take control and he will have to eat what hes given.
Also discuss with him about what changes he can make to work lunches etc this is where a lot of people fall down. You have to take something from home if your trying to slim down. He could have soups and oatcakes etc instead of shop bought sandwhiches.
Tell him if he sneaks off on a night to buy Ice cream and sweets then you are seriously going to think about the future of your relationship.

Brighton_belle

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I know I have come across as snappy and almost irrational here, and those of you who've posted on other threads I'm on know that's not me.

You really haven't HBS. You calmly offered another, totally valid, view point and been very friendly when others have not completely agreed with you.

claire16c

Secret eaters is about to start. I wonder if it's going to be the cream & jam man. .

~Chameleon~

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Honestly? I wish I knew whether I'd want him to tell me. Something for me to think about

Second part - yep, totally.

I know I have come across as snappy and almost irrational here, and those of you who've posted on other threads I'm on know that's not me. I guess it's because it is a subject that touches so many nerves for me, and makes me go :mad: and and even :eek: at the same time.

I do apologise if anyone has been offended by my snappiness.

HBS x

I doubt very much that anyone has been offended by anything you've said on this thread and if they have then so what, that's THEIR problem, not yours. You've just been honest about how you feel and people should respect that xx

System

Cloudydaze wrote: »

Obviously there are going to be exceptions but for most people excess fat is not attractive (on either sex). I don't feel at all guilty for feeling that. I wouldn't fancy an overweight partner and would fully understand if they stopped fancying me if I put on weight.

At what point is it acceptable to say something to a partner? When they have to buy the next size up in clothes, when they can't make it up the stairs without huffing & puffing? When they don't fit in a regular seat when out & about? Or when it take six firemen & a lift to get them out of the house and off to hospital?

Slightly off tangent, but is it fair to assume those saying they'd leave a fat partner/not find them attractive etc, would feel the same if someone lost a lot of weight or was really skinny? If I'd lost a lot of weight and looked too skinny I would equally want to be told but I feel somehow people don't see it that way

Gloomendoom

Cloudydaze wrote: »

At what point is it acceptable to say something to a partner? When they have to buy the next size up in clothes, when they can't make it up the stairs without huffing & puffing? When they don't fit in a regular seat when out & about? Or when it take six firemen & a lift to get them out of the house and off to hospital?

What is acceptable will vary from person to person and couple to couple.

In our house it never even gets as far at the next size up in clothes. It's nipped in the bud long before that.