Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

Gloomendoom

I'm the same with breakfast. If I eat it, I'm ravenous all day. If I don't, I can quite easily go until 6:00 pm without eating at all.

It doesn't matter if breakfast is two bits of toast or a heart attack on a plate fry up.

Georgiegirl256

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I'm the same with breakfast. If I eat it, I'm ravenous all day. If I don't, I can quite easily go until 6:00 pm without eating at all.

It doesn't matter if breakfast is two bits of toast or a heart attack on a plate fry up.

I'm the same, if I eat breakfast, I'm then hungry for dinner, then tea etc. I hardly ever have breakfast though, I'm just never hungry in the morning.

paulineb_2

I think people have been conditioned to eat breakfast lunch, dinner at certain times when probably that isn't when your body needs to eat. Its not practical all the time with work and breaks etc to eat when your body needs food as opposed to when you get a break.

I dont get ravenous if I eat breakfast but more often than not its 10am or 11am before I eat something in the morning.

margaretclare

paulineb wrote: »

I think people have been conditioned to eat breakfast lunch, dinner at certain times when probably that isn't when your body needs to eat. Its not practical all the time with work and breaks etc to eat when your body needs food as opposed to when you get a break.

I dont get ravenous if I eat breakfast but more often than not its 10am or 11am before I eat something in the morning.

DH and I eat breakfast, often boiled egg and toast, but we don't have lunch at 'lunchtime'. It's usually mid-afternoon when we have another meal, and then, I don't usually feel like eating after that. So, no dinner.

FBaby

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

And what happens if you were to eat eggs for breakfast instead?

I tried that. What it feels to me is that is not what I eat but the fact that as soon as I eat it triggers something it me that makes me want to continue to eat. It might be psychological but I did try to eat breakfast with a positive attitude and believing it was best for me but the result was just the same. I actually feel much better physically and psychologically when I don't eat until later in the morning.

Mr_F_Dorsetty

dandy-candy wrote: »

Also it isn't depression, he is actually quite cocky, it's more like denial..... Any advice please?

'Cocky' is a self defence mechanism, a place to hide; almost certainly he is depressed and will have various self loathing issues.

Most everyone is the product of their parents "Best, worst efforts", so many of these issues are created in childhood and /or misconceptions gained in childhood.

From what you say it seems the heavier he gets the more he dislikes himself and doesn't want to deal with himself.

My advice would that you, alone, without telling him, go to your GP's and talk to them because you definitely need to talk to someone and get some help for both you and him.

At least if you sort your own stress out you'll be able to better see and deal with his issues.

In the above it sounds like you're about ready to walk away even if you do not know that. I know how frustrating it can be dealing with someone with issues about something, but for yourself you have to know you have really tried everything or you'll probably spend many a year beating yourself up for it.

But when a partner is a complete drain the relief when you come out from under the shadow is palpable. When I left my 2nd wife I left behind vast sums of £, houses, motorbikes, you name it and I moved into a flea pit hotel.

It was miserable because it was a real shock to be removed from all the 'stuff' I was used to, but under that, I was happy for the first time in a decade

I wish you both good luck, I think you'll both need it.

margaretclare

But when a partner is a complete drain the relief when you come out from under the shadow is palpable. When I left my 2nd wife I left behind vast sums of £, houses, motorbikes, you name it and I moved into a flea pit hotel.

It was miserable because it was a real shock to be removed from all the 'stuff' I was used to, but under that, I was happy for the first time in a decade.

That was similar to what DH found when he moved out on his 2nd marriage in 1997. He left behind a lot of 'stuff' and came away with all the worldly goods that he could pack into and on top of his rusty old car. He didn't move into a 'flea pit' though, he came to me. But he'd done it once already to his first marriage, moved into a 'service' apartment then (they changed his sheets etc for him).

~Chameleon~

FBaby wrote: »

I tried that. What it feels to me is that is not what I eat but the fact that as soon as I eat it triggers something it me that makes me want to continue to eat. It might be psychological but I did try to eat breakfast with a positive attitude and believing it was best for me but the result was just the same. I actually feel much better physically and psychologically when I don't eat until later in the morning.

If that works for you. No point eating if you don't feel hungry. The only time I'd advocate people eating regular meals throughout the day would be if they were in training and trying to bulk out and build muscle. Otherwise there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that you should eat breakfast if you don't want to.

dandy-candy

Just to update, we ended up going for a walk last night instead of swimming and I brought up the subject of what is it that holds him back from really going for it when it comes to losing weight.
First he was saying he'd always been big, it's too much effort etc, but then he said something really odd (I think so anyway). He said "I suppose its the rebel in me" When I asked what that meant, what is he rebelling against? He said "Well I don't like people telling me what to do" this really got my back up so I said "What, so when you drop dead of a heart attack and are in your grave you're going to think 'Ha I showed them' ?"
After that I just got the "yeah I know I need to lose some weight, are you going to just have a go at me this whole walk?" So I shut up at that point.
I find this so frustrating!

HPoirot

OP, what would he say to a session of counselling? It looks like his refusal to do anything about his eating habits is a form of control to be honest.