Getting really frustrated with DH being overweight

paulineb_2

I'm not sure it will be easy to get life insurance on someone who is very overweight.

All I will say is that weight issues are complex.

She can nag, plead, beg, but he has to make the effort.

Pthree

FBaby wrote: »

Isn't telling her partner that she will be happy to spend his insurance money some sort of blackmail/nagging though? I'm not sure either, it was just an idea.

I agree with you though that it does rarely work, but would like to know why? Is it purely do to denial, people not listening because they don't want to hear? Is it all a question of a failure with willpower? Or people just don't believe that it will affect them, that somehow, they will be spare from all those problems that have been proven directly related to obesity?

I can only answer for myself so here it goes.....

For various reasons I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with food. It started at a very young age for me so maybe I differ from someone who has put it on in later life. I dont know, I'm sure there is someone here with a bit of physco babble knowledge who may be able to explain it better.

The thing is I know I am fat!! I get to look in the mirror every morning and be disgusted at myself.

You could say "hey I am worried about you, the strain you're putting on your heart, the fact there is diabetes in the family, you appear to have lost all of your confidence, if you were happy I wouldn't nag so much but you're not" or whatever good loving reason there is.

All I hear is "Hey you're gross, you make me feel sick, you should be ashamed of the way you look, I am ashamed of the way you look"

No matter how nicely it is put or how well meaning the reason behind it.

I then turn to food to cheer myself up, food does not judge me, it is always there for me, eating makes me happy, even if it is the reason I am sad, I cant explain it, if I could I would make a fortune and be a size 10.

The same as I cant explain why I feel different about it this time, it really is a case of something "unlocking" in your head and you knowing that this time you are so determined to succeed...... I was almost going to say you can taste it then, but bad analogy!

I know it wont be easy, and I acknowledge there will be times ( and there has been a time) where I will fail, I cant promise that after a really crappy day I will never scoff a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream again, but unlike before, this time I am not so afraid to fail that I didn't even bother starting.

paulineb_2

Pthree wrote: »

I can only answer for myself so here it goes.....

For various reasons I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with food. It started at a very young age for me so maybe I differ from someone who has put it on in later life. I dont know, I'm sure there is someone here with a bit of physco babble knowledge who may be able to explain it better.

The thing is I know I am fat!! I get to look in the mirror every morning and be disgusted at myself.

You could say "hey I am worried about you, the strain you're putting on your heart, the fact there is diabetes in the family, you appear to have lost all of your confidence, if you were happy I wouldn't nag so much but you're not" or whatever good loving reason there is.

All I hear is "Hey you're gross, you make me feel sick, you should be ashamed of the way you look, I am ashamed of the way you look"

No matter how nicely it is put or how well meaning the reason behind it.

I then turn to food to cheer myself up, food does not judge me, it is always there for me, eating makes me happy, even if it is the reason I am sad, I cant explain it, if I could I would make a fortune and be a size 10.

The same as I cant explain why I feel different about it this time, it really is a case of something "unlocking" in your head and you knowing that this time you are so determined to succeed...... I was almost going to say you can taste it then, but bad analogy!

I know it wont be easy, and I acknowledge there will be times ( and there has been a time) where I will fail, I cant promise that after a really crappy day I will never scoff a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream again, but unlike before, this time I am not so afraid to fail that I didn't even bother starting.

I think I developed an unhealthy relationship with food in my early 20s. Until then I was fine, although people had called me fat since I was about 9. I was never fat, just not as tiny as some of my friends.
I had a healthy BMI in my teens, I put on a lot of weight when a relationship broke down, lost it all, put it on again after a relative died very suddenly and dont think Ive ever had much of a healthy relationship with food since.

Dieting was the worst thing I ever did. Ive never had anorexia nor bulimia and I cant say I was a compulsive eater either, but I spent a lot of my life being fixated with food, calories, thinking food was good or bad.

Exercise was what helped me, even with the couple of injuries Ive had Ive been exercising regularly for about 8 out of the last 10 years, but Ive lost it along the way when life got tough. I suffered badly from anxiety and loss of confidence due to work issues and even when I started teaching fitness classes, I had lost my confidence to do any.

This is month ten of me exercising regularly and eating healthily and its been the first time Ive stuck at both in a very long time. For a long time I did one or the other, not both together.

And if I fall off the healthy eating wagon, I wont kick myself, I'll get up the next day and get right back on it.

I put weight on very easily and always have. Its going to be a lifelong battle for me.

I think for me, the key to losing weight was sitting myself down and saying, I accept myself being heavy. I may not like it, but I accept it. And once I had accepted that it might take some time to get the weight off and I would put up with feeling and looking the way I was, it wasnt that bad.

All you can do is try. Eat healthily, the odd treat and get some exercise in. I feel better, I sleep better, my clothes fit better, I have more energy. And Ive lost 15kg which in the scheme of things, isnt that much.

It doesnt take a hell of a lot of weight loss to make you feel much much better about yourself. And once you feel better, you want to keep going.

DaveTheMus

dandy-candy wrote: »

Also it isn't depression, he is actually quite cocky, it's more like denial. He looks in the mirror and sucks in his belly and says "yeah a bit overweight but not bad" he actually says he thinks he looks good. In his head I think he imagines himself to look stocky like a bouncer or weightlifter. The minute he walks away from the mirror he relaxes and sags, but he doesn't see that.

adouglasmhor

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

I'm in my late forties and my resting HR is 49bpm. My max HR is about 175bpm although I frequently push it beyond to about 180/90bpm during high intensity bursts. My recovering HR is <100bpm at 2 mins post exercise and back to 50-60bpm within 5 minutes.

I thought recovery varied as to type of exercise, is that not one of the vaunted properties of HIIT and Tabata that it boosts your metabolism for longer? Or is that just hype?

adouglasmhor

dandy-candy wrote: »

Thanks for all the posts and messages, its really good to hear other people's experiences, and a big thanks to Douglas for sharing his pics!

All last evening DH was rubbing his leg and popping painkillers. When I got up this morning I just thought I would check with him that he had mentioned to the GP about his mums early death, and I was pretty shocked that he hadn't. I took him to our local walk in clinic and they gave us a letter and said to go straight to A&E for a scan to rule out DVT. He was rather quiet and sheepish about it all, and thankfully there isn't a clot there but the Dr did stress that a family history does put you at more risk. They also said that his left calf is possibly swollen because he stopped exercising to rest his leg, and that can make fluid collect. He said on the way home that he will start swimming again tonight
I'm hoping today might make him think more about his health.
I'm starting him on small portions and thankfully he does like salad so that will feature with his meals from now on! I'm quite pleased the Dr said to keep exercising as that gives me the green light to get him walking in the evenings.

I had impaired liver function and fluid in my abdomen, bursitis in one hip, neck and shoulder pain, I have early damage due to osteo arthritis in both knees. All except the arthritis are gone, and it's copable without pain killers, anti inflammatory drugs, just a bit of extra attention stretching the IT band after exercise. I am still a work in progress and it's going to take the rest of my life.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

There isn't really anything you can do. Eating too much is very common after giving up smoking; the compulsion to do something to displace anxiety, get an energy boost, calm down (the slow breathing of smoking mimics relaxation, as does the act of getting up and walking out for a break - the carbs in junk food do similar chemically), the ritual and habit, all can be replaced with food.

If a person has an uneasy relationship with food, whether it's fraught with anxiety, compulsion, literally swallowing down anger, control, whatever - then that's not going to change by somebody else telling them about how bad they look. Being overweight can be for so many reasons - wanting to come across as big and strong, so nobody can go for them (common with people who have been on the receiving end of violence when smaller), it can be due to the calming feelings of carbs in the system, having periods in their life when they didn't know where their next meal was coming from, decreasing activity levels but not intake, not wanting to upset a partner who encouraged weight gain because they thought it would make the person less likely to leave if they weren't a normal weight, lots of different, deep seated reasons. I wonder whether the obese person who looks in the mirror and thinks 'I'm fine/big boned/whatever' and genuinely doesn't see their size has some sort of body dysmorphia.


With influences like that, saying 'You repulse me' or 'You need to lose weight for your health' isn't going to do a great deal. The only person who can decide they don't want to do it anymore is that person.

~Chameleon~

adouglasmhor wrote: »

I thought recovery varied as to type of exercise, is that not one of the vaunted properties of HIIT and Tabata that it boosts your metabolism for longer? Or is that just hype?

Of course it does. Not all types of activity are going to max out your HR. Activities such as spin, HIIT and Tabata will regularly push you to your max and beyond and if you don't have a good recovery rate then you will struggle to keep up. These activities also boost your metabolism beyond the actual exercise due to the thermogenesis in muscle activity.

FBaby

What I think is difficult is that what is right for someone isn't for someone else. I can say for fact that althoug exercise is good for, it has never helped me control my weight. As a matter of fact, I have put on 1/2 a stone in the last 6 months and that was whilst exercising the most I had in the recent years, and no, it isn't muscles replacing the fat, my fat content has increased significantly! I also know that eating breakfast before 10am is bad for me. Whatever all the science says, the minute I am finished with my bowl of oatmeal, I just want to eat something else. I also know that I can eat nothing until 12am and my blood sugar will remain exactly the same (tested many times).

What is right is definitely not for someone else, but that's what can be frustrating when you hear so many different stories about how you should go about losing weight. I think anyone who decides they want to do it should just try things for themselves and do what feels right for them.

~Chameleon~

FBaby wrote: »

I also know that eating breakfast before 10am is bad for me. Whatever all the science says, the minute I am finished with my bowl of oatmeal, I just want to eat something else.

And what happens if you were to eat eggs for breakfast instead?