What would be fair amount for a 21 year old to pay?

victory

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't live at home anymore, I left when I was 22. Have a mortgage of my own, and bills to pay. Just because I wasn't charged any rent, doesn't mean I don't have a healthy respect and awareness of money.

A, My parents wouldn't have done that, that was their choice not to charge me anything, they prefered I used my money to save towards a future house, which I did. I do appreciate that not everyone is as lucky.

B, If they had have done the above what you listed, why would I have thrown a tantrum, I would have simply gone out and bought those things myself. But then again, my parents aren't childish like that....

Just because you charge your kids, or believe that you should, don't knock other peoples (my parents) choices. I offered numerous times to give them some lodge, but they always declined....preferring I saved for the future, what's wrong with that?

Nothing. Realistically not many parents this day and age can afford to be so generous to their offspring by housing them without a rental contribution just to be able to keep everyone's head above water, giving them the luxiry of being rent free and saving for their future is not such a viable option for many a struggling household.

Also child benefit stops, tax credits etc when they become adults, so is a household expected to pay for everything with a working child with even less money coming in to support their needs?

Bennifred

I think that some posters on here are confusing paying "keep" and paying rent.
If you are independent and out in the big wide world you pay rent and then "keep" - bills, food, etc - as well.
The OP is only asking for her son to pay for what it is actually costing her to keep him - NOT rent. She isn't trying to make money from him (as if he was a lodger, for instance). As he is an adult that is more than fair, imo.

chrissyan

RichardD1970 wrote: »

I paid a third of what ever I bought home, even when on a YTS (showing my age here) earning £30 a week.

Wife's family did the same.

My children will do the same.

The only exception was when my then fianc!e moved in and we were saving to get married, then we were allowed to put a portion of the "rent" into the savings (we eventually bought a house with the savings and had a cheap "home made" wedding instead)

He earns about the same as me so is taking home £450 - £500 per week, and is moaning about paying £75 a week, he doesn't know he's born.

Oooh! would love a third of his salary

victory

I just remembered what a poster wrote on another thread like this one as it comes up quite often and I thought it was a really good idea....show him all your bills, your outgoings, add it up for him and divide it by 3 people that is what he pays or ask him which one he would like to pay (obviously not the little ones like the TV license whic his £12;) but like the council tax which is £130 plus another one that type of thing, that way he is contributing towards the outgoings rather than feeling he is being charged rent (anyway just an idea pulled from a previous thread on the same subject)

Georgiegirl256

crosswo wrote: »

We aren't talking about the son paying for the mortgage in the form of rent, but to not be taking advantage of his mum and therefore pay for his own living costs.

And its not about parents being childish, they simply cannot afford to support another adult and it's nothing but disrespectful for a man earning 31k a year to not buy his own food

Ok, let me rephrase that, I mean keep, not rent, that was just the term I used in my post.

If you read my post properly, it was in reply to your post saying about if my parents stopped buying toilet roll etc, and I said that they wouldn't as they aren't that childish....not that other people's parents, mine....in response to your post.

I agree with the fact that in the OP's situation that the son should make some sort of contribution, and pay for his own food if that's what the parents want, and more importantly need, then in that situation and on his wages, then yes he should make a contribution, and in answer to the OP's original question, then yes, I do think £300 is too much....and that is my personal opinion, before you bite my head off again.

I guess this thread has got a bit out of control (don't most of them?!) and people are posting more about their own experiences (sorry OP) more than the OP's. Let me sum it up, IMO it all boils down to different families/different experiences. Some will think it's right to ask their offspring for some keep, while others won't need to and therefore don't.

I agreed with another poster, no need to turn on me now too.

duchy

Paying rent is what people do when they are paying a stranger or someone they have a business relationship with.
Paying keep is what you pay your family-is usually way below market rate and is a demonstration of appreciation and showing you are a part of the family and WANT to be part of it and give the parents (who fed, clothed and generally supplied your needs and (some if not all) wants for eighteen years) money to help with the family budget ....or even just to treat themselves.

I am disgusted by some people on here. Selfish doesn't even start to describe their attitude to their parents.

Incidentally do those who think an adult child shouldn't pay keep also think the parents should also cook, clean, iron, make the child's bed and wipe their bum for them on a daily basis too ?

Cloudydaze

chrissyan wrote: »

A third of the household outgoings is £375 pcm. I worked it out today, because my son asked me to, not that it has improved anything

But paying for a third of household outgoings is not the same as covering the actual cost of him living there.

Obviously you are more than entitled to ask him for an equal split but that's asking him to do a house share with his parents.

If he decides to move out would you be better off or miss his contribution?

Georgiegirl256

duchy wrote: »

Paying rent is what people do when they are paying a stranger or someone they have a business relationship with.
Paying keep is what you pay your family-is usually way below market rate and is a demonstration of appreciation and showing you are a part of the family and WANT to be part of it and give the parents (who fed, clothed and generally supplied your needs and (some if not all) wants for eighteen years) money to help with the family budget ....or even just to treat themselves.

I am disgusted by some people on here. Selfish doesn't even start to describe their attitude to their parents.

Incidentally do those who think an adult child shouldn't pay keep also think the parents should also cook, clean, iron, make the child's bed and wipe their bum for them on a daily basis too ?

I hope that wasn't another dig at me duchy? If you've read all the posts, you would see that I offered numerous times to pay KEEP to my parents, but they wouldn't take anything, they didn't want anything, and they didn't need anything off me. There is a huge difference from wanting to contribute and the parents not wanting to accept (preferring the money went towards a future house/fiat), to someone who has a sense of entitlement and who thinks that they shouldn't be contributing anything....BIG difference.

As I have stated, it doesn't work for all families, and yes, there are people like the OP who aren't in as good a finically situation and have a child who is earning a good wage, then yes, that child should contribute.

When I lived at home, I did my own ironing, made my own bed, cleaning, cooked if I was coming home late from work (most of the time though my Mam made a meal for everyone), and, wait for it....here's the biggy....yes, I did wipe my own bum! :cool:

duchy

Cloudydaze wrote: »

But paying for a third of household outgoings is not the same as covering the actual cost of him living there.

Obviously you are more than entitled to ask him for an equal split but that's asking him to do a house share with his parents.

If he decides to move out would you be better off or miss his contribution?

I pretty much ended up housesharing with my Mum when my marriage broke up when I was in my thirties. Perhaps you think it should have just moved home and paid nothing? I paid fifty percent of all costs (no mortgage). If an adult child decides to live anywhere -surely they should contribute fairly?
She then got ill and costs rocketed for her - I ended up paying more than fifty percent of the household running -as well as all the running around for her. Around that time I won some money -I gave her 20% of it to clear her credit cards.......and then paid to replace some flooring in the house that needed doing. If you're family -to me that's just normal. I know there were times my parents struggled when I was a kid but I never knew at the time....Why on earth wouldn't I try to make life easier for them once I was an adult ?

In the OP's situation I'm amazed she's still doing his washing etc -and if he's not contributing I wouldn't be cooking for him either-He can afford takeaways. With such a huge disparity in income he needs to grow up or ship out and quit emotionally blackmailing her with threats to leave.

Cloudydaze

duchy wrote: »

Paying keep is what you pay your family-is usually way below market rate and is a demonstration of appreciation and showing you are a part of the family and WANT to be part of it and give the parents (who fed, clothed and generally supplied your needs and (some if not all) wants for eighteen years) money to help with the family budget ....or even just to treat themselves.

I am disgusted by some people on here. Selfish doesn't even start to describe their attitude to their parents.

I think that's a huge assumption. You can 'repay' your parents in other ways and at different times in their lives.

My bloodsucking-3-years-rent-free brother is at my parents this weekend replacing their broken fence and generally tidying up post-storms.

Next weekend, I will go to their house (2hrs away) just to feed the cat as they are going away and none of their usual cat-feeding friends are about.

I don't understand the hostility. I didn't see anyone say they had parents who asked them for money and they refused. My parents never asked.