What would be fair amount for a 21 year old to pay?

Georgiegirl256

duchy wrote: »

Apology accepted ....Trust me you'd KNOW if I was talking about you .... I'd say or quote you. I call a spade a spade and don't "do" the passive aggressive carp so many people play.

I have strong opinions and so do you - but just because someone is disagreeing with you doesn't mean the are "snidey" it simply means they don't agree with you.

That's one thing I admire about you, you say what you think (even if sometimes it really winds me up....and vice versa obviously! :rotfl:) and like you I call a spade a spade too, and I really can't stand that passive aggressive thing either. :mad:

:beer:

19lottie82

OP, your son earns almost what you and your OH do combined.

If he is only paying you £50 a month, what is he spending the rest of his £2k take home pay a month on?

I think you should be charging him 1/3 of all the bills (not mortgage) plus he should be buying his own food and DEFINITELY is own toiletries and razors.

You say you have sat down with him and showed him the house hold bills, but it has made no difference. Have you asked him why he thinks you should subsidise him, and why he shouldn't pay 1/3 of bills plus his own food and expenses? Do not take "my friends don't pay that much", as an answer.

If would be bad enough if you could afford to subsidise him, but you can't.

In the long run, You are not doing him any favours here at all, and I think you know it.

Honestly, I would up his keep to £300 a month, plus make him but his own food and his own toiletries. If he says no, ask him to detail how much he thinks it would cost to run his own place. If he still disagrees, tell him he will need to move out.

chrissyan

Thanks 19lottie82 Just a slight misunderstanding, he is paying a very begrudged £300 from this month, I upped it by £50 pcm

19lottie82

chrissyan wrote: »

Thanks 19lottie82 Just a slight misunderstanding, he is paying a very begrudged £300 from this month, I upped it by £50 pcm

Ah ok, my apologies. I think you have done the right thing. Stand your ground! And DO NOT buy his toiletries anymore.

Think of it this way. Let's say further down the line, he finds a partner and they move in together, what do you think she will say / do, if he were to expect the same treatment from her? There are numerous threads on here from posters who are considering ending their relationships because their partners are totally useless and selfish with money.

chrissyan

Cloudydaze wrote: »

But paying for a third of household outgoings is not the same as covering the actual cost of him living there.

Obviously you are more than entitled to ask him for an equal split but that's asking him to do a house share with his parents.

If he decides to move out would you be better off or miss his contribution?

I don't consider it a house share, the reason being, he does not contribute to any repairs, replacement of household appliances/furnishings, keeping the house clean, doing the laundry and many other things and as I worked out earlier, his money covers a third of the bills excluding the mortgage

As for your question about would I be better off if he moved out, I honestly don't know, it certainly is not my intention to make a profit from him. I know I would be much better off in terms of time, much less cleaning up and laundry to do

Person_one

chrissyan wrote: »

I don't consider it a house share, the reason being, he does not contribute to any repairs, replacement of household appliances/furnishings, keeping the house clean, doing the laundry and many other things and as I worked out earlier, his money covers a third of the bills excluding the mortgage

As for your question about would I be better off if he moved out, I honestly don't know, it certainly is not my intention to make a profit from him. I know I would be much better off in terms of time, much less cleaning up and laundry to do

This is a young man who needs to move out.

Mojisola is right, no young woman in 2014 is going to put up with a partner who still thinks the housework fairy exists!

Georgiegirl256

Ok, so what about another option? Keep the amount you charge him as it was (£250), but make him buy his own toiletries, get him to do his own washing or get him to clean the house more.

IMO while you are still at home with your parents, you are under their roof, and should therefore live by their rules, but I don't think he should be contributing towards any repairs/replacements of household furnishings or appliances etc....like I say, that's just my opinion....there's enough time for that when you actually get a place of your own, as I've just found out... Need a new roof! :eek:

What I'm going to say next, I apologise in advance if this sounds harsh. He earns good money, this is very true, more than you and your partner combined, but you are asking him for more money mainly because of your debts....this isn't his fault that you have debts. IMO what you should be doing is taking the amount you always have, make him buy any extras himself, and encouraging him to save a good chunk of his wages for a place of his own. Does he save any of his income at all?

PeacefulWaters

By the way, in answer to the specific question in the thread title:

My 26 year old pays £175 a month for food and lodgings. He's responsible for his own clothes, toiletries and lunches at work. If he wishes to up join the rest of us on holiday, he's welcome subject to paying 100% of the price. He's not averse to pinching the occasional deodorant from me.

He takes home £1,000 PCM.

I think £300 for somebody bringing in just short of £2k a month is perfectly reasonable, and it's not a hinderance to him saving up to get his own place.

What does he do with the other £1,700 a month he's been earning?

chrissyan

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Ok, so what about another option? Keep the amount you charge him as it was (£250), but make him buy his own toiletries, get him to do his own washing or get him to clean the house more.

IMO while you are still at home with your parents, you are under their roof, and should therefore live by their rules, but I don't think he should be contributing towards any repairs/replacements of household furnishings or appliances etc....like I say, that's just my opinion....there's enough time for that when you actually get a place of your own, as I've just found out... Need a new roof! :eek:

What I'm going to say next, I apologise in advance if this sounds harsh. He earns good money, this is very true, more than you and your partner combined, but you are asking him for more money mainly because of your debts....this isn't his fault that you have debts. IMO what you should be doing is taking the amount you always have, make him buy any extras himself, and encouraging him to save a good chunk of his wages for a place of his own. Does he save any of his income at all?

I have tried many things, including putting his own laundry basket in his room, the battle to get him to do more, leave less mess etc is one I lost a long time ago. However this is not the area I was asking for advice on.

I don't think he should contribute to repairs and replacements in the house either, it's not as if he will take much/any of them with him, that was purely in response to a 'house share' comment.

No it isn't his fault I have debts, nor is it his fault I didn't find a millionaire to marry, or get myself a 50k a year job, or many other scenarios which would have enabled me to happily keep him for free at 21 years old

I set his board at what I though was a low level, originally £200, then when he finished his apprenticeship £250, and now that he is on a proper salary and shifts, what I considered to be a fair and final amount. My son unfortunately thought that the £200 was correct & final amount and then made me doubt I was being fair, hence this post.

He has only recently completely finished his apprenticeship, had a pay rise and gone onto shifts, so this wage is new to him and yes, as mentioned earlier, he is hoping to save, although it is too early to tell how successful he will be at this, fingers crossed he will be.

valk_scot

chrissyan wrote: »

.

My son rarely cooks, clears up, or does anything much around the house, he has all his food provided, although he does buy extra as being a body builder he eats a lot of protein, that is his choice, he still sits down to a family meal with us nearly every evening. He adds his toiletries to my supermarket list, I do all his laundry, although not his ironing.

As well as the money I would be looking at this bit. Three working adults in the house and he's not doing his 1/3rd share of the housework? My kids are 12 and 18, still at school and believe me, they're doing a fair share of cleaning and housework, the older one does all the washing (I hang it out and any ironing) they both cook one meal a week, they are in charge of looking after their own rooms to a good standard, they hoover one public room each per week, the younger one is in charge of the cat feeding and care. They both know how to do other cleaning and housework chores if requested, sew on buttons, go to the shops etc. They don't get paid extra for this sort of thing btw, I tell them it's life skills training, they should be paying me!


The elder one does earn a little bit ~£40 per week, he told me I didn't need to give him so much pocket money (was £100 per month up till then, includes school lunch money)when he started earning so I put it in a savings account for him instead, I'll surprise him with a small lump sum at some point. It's only £10 but I was pleased he thought to offer it!


We're currently looking at flats for him when he starts uni, the going rate for a room in a shared flat round here is ~£300 per month plus bills and then obviously he'll have food and expenses on top of that. So probably about £500 a month before he even thinks about social life! And he'll be on a student loan plus top up from us and though we can afford a reasonable amount it won't be lavish, he'll need his wee part time job too.


If he needs to come home for a bit after uni while he's sorting out a job or house or whatever that's fine. We'll work out contributions then based on what he's earning, if anything. If he's on the dole he can help in other ways, DIY or somesuch.


I don't believe I'm being mean or greedy, I do want to raise self sufficient children with an ability to manage their own money and who do not expect someone else to attend to their every need 24/7. I was not put on this planet to be a servant to a lazy child, as I tell them! (They laugh at me for that but they do get off their bums and help.) And they know what the household budget looks like, they know what it will cost them when they move into their own houses. They're not expecting a free ride out of life.