What would be fair amount for a 21 year old to pay?

neverdespairgirl

My son's 8, so I don't expect him to cook dinners or do the ironing (I'd be terrified at the potential consequences if he did!) or contribute anything to household costs.

We do, though, expect him to put his dirty clothes in the basket, clear up his plates and cups and so forth after meals, keep his toys tidy and his books on the bookcase. If he does moan about anything, I use my mother's line, and say, "I can't hear whinge..."

jetplane

My parents charged me a third of my earnings, whether they were £10 a week or £90 a week. For that they provided food, warmth, shelter, company, love and support. I bought my own toiletries and all travel, clothes, entertainment costs etc were my own responsibility. I did my own washing, looked after my own room and was expected to help with some chores around the home. Although my mother did most of the cooking and we had a cleaner who did the big stuff and most of the ironing.

We took 20% board, bought regular toiletries but not expensive choices and I did not do laundry, tidy rooms etc.

Either way it was less contribution than OP is asking son for. I agree you can not rely on his board to boost your income and he can not be responsible for your debt. However he can pay his way and do his own chores or move out. If he moves out he can live as he wishes and you and your OH can budget for two.

I cvnt believe at 21 hes still trying the "my other friends mothers dont do that, would let them, are so much fairer than you" :rotfl:

GoldenShadow

chrissyan wrote: »

Can I ask GoldenShadow, do you think £300 pcm in our circumstances is lots?

I don't think its a ridiculous amount at all considering you feed him and buy basic toiletries etc.

To me personally £300 would be a lot, but from Sept when I start my grad job I will bring home just shy of £1500. £500 is likely to go straight on travel costs (commuting to London), and then pet insurance is £100, someone to let my dogs out will be £200 and so on. Hopefully my travel will actually be less, and so if my Mum was to say look its £300 no buts, then I'd have a whinge, but to be honest in my situation with my dogs etc it would still be better for me to suck it up and pay that!

My Mum's not good at budgeting though (nor was my Dad, they bought a house for 70K and left it 16 years later with a 115K mortgage with nothing to really show for it, go figure..!). She's the kind of person who signs up to give money to charity and feels bad cancelling it, and she has my brother's car loan in her name because he got refused credit so he gives her the money yada yada. The little she does get is used up and I do think she's going to struggle when my brother goes, but I think most people are more money savvy than my Mum to be fair. Just be careful not to rely on what he gives you, it covers what he uses and is extra, not income that will necessarily be there forever iykwim

Mojisola

jetplane wrote: »

I cvnt believe at 21 hes still trying the "my other friends mothers dont do that, would let them, are so much fairer than you" :rotfl:

That didn't work for mine at 7; I'd have laughed at them if they'd tried it at 21!

I would also have suggested that he asked if he could be a lodger with one of his friends' mothers.

barbiedoll

OP, you're just going to have to man up and ignore his whinging!

He is your only child and I know for sure that you have loved him, cared for him and indulged him for all of his life (I know how it is, I have an only child too) and he knows full well that he is "Mummy's little soldier". He is playing on that fact and to be honest, I think that if you were charging him only £100 per month, he would still find a reason to moan.

Just stand firm and tell him that it's £300 or he has the option of leaving home. (Don't worry, he's not going anywhere!)

And do wean him off of his reliance on you doing his washing. He'll only be a terrible husband one day and you'll end up looking after him when his wife throws him out, if you're not careful!! If he uses your toiletries, give him a bill for them at the end of the month. Don't keep pandering to him, he really has to grow up sooner or later.

You should also speak to him about starting to save hard. If you have had financial troubles (like many of us on here ) let him know how you got into difficulty so that he hopefully won't make the same mistakes. Treat him like an adult, he may just start behaving like one!

Georgiegirl256

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

That, though, is the massive difference. You offered, and I'm sure you meant the offer. You didn't have a grand expectation that they should keep you as a young adult and be grateful for your presence in their home.

Your family worked out an arrangement you were all happy with, and respected each other.

If you'd been earning the same amount as both your parents put together, would you have felt happy about living off them?

No, I wouldn't have felt happy, I wouldn't have wanted to see them struggle.

You're right, totally different.

One thing my parents would have never let me get away with was taking them for granted, I'd have got the 'this isn't an hotel you know'!

jetplane

barbiedoll wrote: »

If he uses your toiletries, give him a bill for them at the end of the month. Don't keep pandering to him, he really has to grow up sooner or later.

This reminds me of my brother in law but the other way around. My MIL was well known among her children for taking their board and spending it and even asking to borrow now and then. Her youngest son duly tipped up his board and then the next month gave her his board minus an itemised amount for essentials he'd bought during the month including paying the gas bill and money she had borrowed. She was not amused

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

What does your OH feel about all this? He lives in the house as well.

chrissyan wrote: »

My O/h is in agreement with me and thinks £300 is fair.

I was thinking of the whole situation, not just the money.

It's not every man would be happy to share his life and his partner with a man-child who shows no sign of becoming a responsible adult.

You don't have to answer - it just strikes me that your son's issue isn't with handing over more money, it's his failing to grow up that's the problem.

Spendless

chrissyan wrote: »

I set his board at what I though was a low level, originally £200, then when he finished his apprenticeship £250, and now that he is on a proper salary and shifts, what I considered to be a fair and final amount. My son unfortunately thought that the £200 was correct & final amount and then made me doubt I was being fair, hence this post.

He has only recently completely finished his apprenticeship, had a pay rise and gone onto shifts, so this wage is new to him and yes, as mentioned earlier, he is hoping to save, although it is too early to tell how successful he will be at this, fingers crossed he will be.

Did you tell him his keep would increase in line with his earnings?

I only ask because many moons ago my 1st f-time job was on a YTS in an office mon-fri. I also kept my sat job on in a high st store that I'd had whilst at school. A year later my office job took me on as permanent staff so I was able to pack in sat job. F-time wages meant I was £2 better off a week. Mum then announced my 'board' was to rise by £2 week. I protested and Mum told me she'd never taken my sat earnings into account, which was news to me, but still didn't see how it was fair, I had no more income coming in just an extra day off.

Realise this isn't the same of your son and I'm by no means saying you're not being fair but Just wondering if that is part of son's protest that this is all news to him, that he would be expected to pay more.

ETA - And just to warn you, from then on I never told my Mum of any wage rises *blush

pleasedelete

Sounds like if he moved out you would struggle more without his money. Given you relative financial positions you seem to need him more than he needs you.