Double Life

BitterAndTwisted

What an a-hole!

I might try to find it in my heart to forgive a transgression like a one-night stand in the heat of the moment (maybe, but that's not certain by any means) but a long-standing duplicitous betrayal like running two households over a couple years? Not in a million years. Not ever.

pukkamum

P.m'ed you hanginginthere

pollypenny

There has to be trust in every marriage, perhaps even more for those of us whose OHs work away.

Your OH has abused that trust in a most cruel way. You deserve better.

balletshoes

hanginginthere wrote: »

thank you,

i dnt want to waste my life, i want to start living again, but it is easier said than done, i hae been with him for half my life.

i know the woman was everything he hated, because like i says, i met her, and spent the day with her.

he didn't hate her though - he chose to set up home with her


no, i really dont want to spend the rest of my life with a liar and a cheat, but i am fnding it very hard to say that final goodbye... maybe i am soft in the head, too forgiving, etc.

I don't think you're ready to say goodbye yet unfortunately, because you're still making excuses for him, and your feelings for him are stronger than your feelings for yourself right now.

You'll get there though - and you'll find the strength to say goodbye and mean it, when you realise that you deserve so much better than the way your OH has treated you. All human beings deserve better than that.

balletshoes

hanginginthere wrote: »

i am afraid the longer we stay together, the harded it will be, the more he will be thinking everything is ok, we can work it out, etc.

it doesn't really matter whats in his head though - now what matters is whats in your head, it will be you who makes the decision on your future, with or without him.

Alias_Omega

I would go out on a date, I have no doubt that if you meet a guy who shows you some attention, your ex-soon to be ex will be out of the door without another look by yourself..

I would crunch the CSA maths..see if you can survive on your own and think about walking..

I have no doubt that if this guy met another lady/lass/girl/thing in a pub/bar whilst he was away, he would not hold himself back. Easily one becomes, two.. then three... one word...Player..

jetplane

OP you say that we have tried to split up and we can't. What do you mean by this? Whilst some couples decide to split up and both agree, in this case your OH does not need to agree. What actually stops you making the final break, is it pressure, emotional blackmail, fear? Once you make the decision to split what happens to make you stay? There is no we about it if you don't love or respect him.

hanginginthere

thanks everyone for the replys

what has happened twice now over the past 6 months is (once the day i found out and threw his bags out at him in a public car park in her home town, second time at our own house) the bags are packed, it is time to go and it is just the emotions of the whole situation, knowing that it is time to go, the end, like i said above, for me, especially the first time, it was like i heard he was dead, then a few days later, he was not, i had a chance to see him again,

it was just tearing me apart, i think the main thing is that when the time come to say goodbye, he was so sorry, distraught, broken, i find it so hard to let him go (he did stay away for 2 nights, but he was sleeping rough, and i could not bear that, the thoughts of it) i know i am far too soft, too forgiving, i should not care after what he did,

i now know i am just biding my time, i will get there, i will be strong enough to be the one to pack up and go someday, and just leave him.

the thing is, i dont hate him, not at all, and in one way, that makes it easier to share a house with him, but on the other hand, that makes it really hard to leave him, or to put him out.

i have thought about the idea mentioned above (sorry i cant mind which post it was) about going on a date, i dont want to be a cheat, but if it happened, it happened, i will not go out looking for another man, but i will not be of the same mindset as i was before (while i have had my fair share of male attention down the years, i never would have been interested in another man while i was married)

not only am i RC, i do take marriage vows really serious, for me it was to death do us part, it is just a shame he didnt feel the same

he does know i am not in love with him, i have told him i do like him, i dont hate him, but i dont love him and while he is distraught, he accepts it, and he does know it was all his doing

as in balletshoes post, i do realise he didnt hate the other woman, my point was that i can not get my head around why it was a woman like she was,

all her traits... they were all things he hates... smoker.. big drinker... dirty... temper.. etc... thats what i cant work out, if he was so serious about her, to a point he could live with her (albeit a few days here and there) how come she was not more like his "type"... there is no answer to that question really, that is just me thinking out loud.

hanginginthere

]I would go out on a date, I have no doubt that if you meet a guy who shows you some attention, your ex-soon to be ex will be out of the door without another look by yourself..

I would crunch the CSA maths..see if you can survive on your own and think about walking..

i can survive on my own £££wise, and i have thought about walking, i was actually looking at houses last night and this morning, it is just making the final break that this the problem.. at the moment.. only at the moment i hope!!!

I have no doubt that if this guy met another lady/lass/girl/thing in a pub/bar whilst he was away, he would not hold himself back. Easily one becomes, two.. then three... one word...Player..[/QUOTE]

hanginginthere

I don't think you're ready to say goodbye yet unfortunately, this is very true, i dont think i am ready YET.. i do think i am getting there though, part of me is afraid that he was / still could be having some kind of breakdown / midlife crisis / mental health problem, and i dont want to abandon him if this is the case, though again, in reality, i should NOT care after all he done to me, because you're still making excuses for him, and your feelings for him are stronger than your feelings for yourself right now.

You'll get there though - and you'll find the strength to say goodbye and mean it, when you realise that you deserve so much better than the way your OH has treated you. All human beings deserve better than that.[/QUOTE]