A wee quandary again re the people at the Church

KiKi

Sounds to me like classic miscommunication. Of course you're allowed to say no - why are you even asking if this is okay? You sound quite angry.

I get what you're saying, but it's the fact that they KEEP asking, despite me declining or not attending things they have mentioned.

Has it occurred to you that they keep asking because they don't see 'no' as 'stop asking'? Rather than expect them to understand that 'no' to one thing means 'no, please stop asking', tell them that. Explain that you're busy, or that you feel under pressure. You can't expect them to read your mind.

I don't understand why they ARE so 'over-enthusiastic' as you say, and they seem to expect everyone else to be the same!

It works both ways. You're frustrated that they don't understand your approach to church (which you haven't actually explained to them). Yet you don't understand theirs, either; some of your descriptions have been bordering on rude, to be honest. They talk about Jesus and the Bible and stuff? Funny, that! It's a church!

If it doesn't work for you, then you need to find a church that does. But don't get cross that they keep asking - how are they supposed to know that when you say 'no' you also mean 'I don't want you to ask me again'? Talk to them.

BitterAndTwisted

From what the OP has described it suggests to me that the people at the church are trying to be welcoming. If you're new to the area or the church you might not be aware of their activities and groups, so if they're inviting you I don't think they're being pushy at all.

Part of some people's faith is a commitment to serving their communities. In many ways, that's true Christianity at work as opposed to saying some prayers and singing a couple of hymns every few weeks. If you just fancy the service and don't welcome contact outside of it, stay away from this church where you find the people so intrusive and badgering and stay at home and listen Songs of Praise.

If you suffered the same "problem" at a previous church perhaps the issue is with you rather than with them.

marisco_2

Billie-S wrote: »

Wellllll.... I moved to this very small town I live in last year

That is your problem right there. Small town mentality. You are surrounded by people who lead insular lives and cannot comprehend how full, busy and interesting other people can make theirs. So in their well meaning way these women see you as some lost sheep in need of being included and involved in their interests and activities. All the while they are happily oblivious to the fact that you don't want that level of contact with them. Either you need to politely but firmly address this with them, or put up with this situation continuing and the aggravation that will cause you. You will not change them, but you can control how much you let their behaviour affect you.

whodathunkit

Billie-S wrote: »

Hi Poet. Well no I have never said I have lots of free time. They just assume I do (I think,) because I said I don't work right now.

But I could take some of your suggestions on board. Thank you.

TBF you do have lots of free time if you don't have children or a job at present, you just have other things you'd prefer to do.I'd be more likely to complain if you weren't' t being invited to join in.

BitterAndTwisted

"Small town mentality". "Insular lives". ?????

How rude.

It's likely none of those things. Just people who enjoy being part of their community trying to be welcoming to someone new who would really prefer the cold shoulder.

tomtontom

libra10 wrote: »

But if they keep asking it makes you feel uncomfortable having to keep refusing. Billie-S doesn't want to go, she wants to do her own thing. We're not all into organised events and groups.

Surely by keep asking they are being insensitive, at least.

How is trying to include someone insensitive? I'm not a group type of person, happier doing my own thing, but I certainly would not take offence at people trying to be nice!

thegirlintheattic

I don't see the problem. Your new to town and you are not working, they are probably trying to be nice and friendly, and inviting you to things you may enjoy or to make you feel welcome. If you don't want to go say so, or say that sometimes you won't be able to make it.

I say long time no see to people if I haven't seen them in a few weeks. It's friendly IMHO.

Torry_Quine

To be totally honest this desn't sound like the right church for you.

To explain the church I attend sounds not that unlike yours and it is the norm for people to go every week or twice unless ill-health or work commitments mean this isn't possible. Everyone is also strongly encouraged to go to a small group weekly which either meet in somone's home in the evening or those with young children or the elderly have groups that meet during the day at church. It is also expected that you are involved with some kind of ministry however small from stewarding, serving tea to running activities for the youth and everyting in-between.

Being a Christian is for me and by the sounds of it the women you talk of far more than just a weekly service but involves every aspect of your life.

paulineb_2

Well, the OP said that the vicar doesnt have an issue with people only attending church on a Sunday.

I think its perfectly ok for people to want to attend a church service from week to week without having to be involved on a greater level

Some people have very busy lives and cant do the volunteering aspect and I dont see why that should be a problem, many people go to church service once a week and no more than that.

tea_lover

If people only want to attend once a week, or month, that's fine. But there's no need to be rude to the church who are being friendly. It's also rude (and frankly odd) to be surprised that Christians want to get together and discuss their faith, and to say this is 'boring'. Faith isn't a hobby you pick up every few weeks when you have a gap in your schedule, it's the core of your life.