A wee quandary again re the people at the Church

carefullycautious

How about a bit of a compromise

I'm sorry I can't commit to attending your groups but if you need some one to make cakes etc or help out with Sunday school once in a while. Any help is better than none.

If you really can't face any of this what about joining the Quakers.

Hermia

Nicki wrote: »

I think that you either need to try a few churches and pick the one that best suits your own personality and situation OR you decide to go to the one at the end of the road because it is handy, in which case you are stuck with the way they do things! Sorry.

I agree. I think the OP might just have a bad fit with the church and needs to 'shop around'. My nearest church is a perfectly ordinary CofE church, but it is for very committed Christians. You are expected to be actively studying the Bible and attend the weekly prayer meetings and study groups. The social groups all chat and eat cake, but they do all discuss religious topics that are relevant to the group.

Nicki

carefullycautious wrote: »

How about a bit of a compromise

I'm sorry I can't commit to attending your groups but if you need some one to make cakes etc or help out with Sunday school once in a while. Any help is better than none.

If you really can't face any of this what about joining the Quakers.

That's a really nice idea but I'm not sure there is a lot of demand in ANY church (however desperate they are) for Sunday School teachers who think that Christianity should only be a small part of their lives and who describe other Christians as "obsessed" because they choose to read and discuss the bible amongst themselves and shock horror sing hymns

Person_one

marisco wrote: »

That is your problem right there. Small town mentality. You are surrounded by people who lead insular lives and cannot comprehend how full, busy and interesting other people can make theirs. So in their well meaning way these women see you as some lost sheep in need of being included and involved in their interests and activities. All the while they are happily oblivious to the fact that you don't want that level of contact with them. Either you need to politely but firmly address this with them, or put up with this situation continuing and the aggravation that will cause you. You will not change them, but you can control how much you let their behaviour affect you.

You seem to know an awful about these women considering you know absolutely nothing about these women.

OP, they are trying to be nice, they are trying to let you know that you are welcome and that the door is always open. Is it such a hardship to have to say no a few times?

Have to say, its very odd to go to a christian group and then complain that they go on about Jesus....

securityguy

If you don't want to spend time with people, don't spend time with them. That was easy, wasn't it?

Sheesh, talk about first world problems. "Some people I barely know invited me to do thing I don't want to do very much, at a time that isn't very convenient, and now I'm going off in a massive tizzy about how rude it is for them to have asked me because they should be mind-readers and know I didn't want to do it". They asked. You don't want to. That's the end of it.

Dozey_crow

I do think this boils down to a miscommunication which I can understand from both perspectives. I agree that this could be an overly persuasive/pushy attempt to be welcoming. Churches have to grow to survive, many have congregations with a relatively high average age. This means that people may be doing less as they get older through ill health and will look towards new and possibly younger members to take over some activities or to simply join in and hopefully attract more new people.

I have been on the receiving end of this and like op I know people typically mean well. We used to get invited to everything when we had almost no disposable income and it does become very very difficult to refuse. Once you start helping out with one out two things there is a tenancy for people to expect that you will help with everything which was also very difficult to refuse. It was difficult because people meant well, they want their events to be a success and they do have the interests of the church at heart. I eventually went along the lines of
" sorry we won't be able to come to that event as we have something else on" or " I can't help this weekend because I do need time to do other things". People did understand... Eventually!

Reading between the lines I wonder if they possibly think that you are lonely or unhappy because you aren't working and therefore they try to invite you to things?

If all what fails have a word with the vicar. Someone did that at our church last year because people were saying, probably innocently "oh hi where were you last Sunday?" Or "where have you been for three weeks" . So the vicar did a sermon about the different ways people can choose to worship and that they were not accountable or answerable to anyone else about how and where they attend church or worship. He went on to clarify that these types of questions may drive people away... It did the trick.

Sorry for the lengthy reply but hth

marisco_2

libra10 wrote: »

But if they keep asking it makes you feel uncomfortable having to keep refusing. Billie-S doesn't want to go, she wants to do her own thing. We're not all into organised events and groups.

Surely by keep asking they are being insensitive, at least.

Exactly this. If the OP keeps saying no that would suggest she means it and doesn't wish to be included. People not listening to her is not kind or helpful or the right thing to do - it is disrespectful of her boundaries and she is clearly not appreciative of them doing this.

carefullycautious

Nicki wrote: »

That's a really nice idea but I'm not sure there is a lot of demand in ANY church (however desperate they are) for Sunday School teachers who think that Christianity should only be a small part of their lives and who describe other Christians as "obsessed" because they choose to read and discuss the bible amongst themselves and shock horror sing hymns

Don't misquote me, I said help with the Sunday school not as the teacher.

Also people can be at different stages on their religious path and would find joining all of these groups very overwhelming

I would rather someone attended my church when they felt comfortable than be frightened off by over enthusiastic members of the congregation.

The best advice to give the op would be to have a word with the vicar and He/She can ask the others to respect that this isn't the time for op to be more involved.

Yelling at the op isn't very Christian just because you all don't like her choice of words

Nicki

carefullycautious wrote: »

.

Yelling at the op isn't very Christian just because you all don't like her choice of words

Eh? Where did I yell at her? I've only posted twice on this thread, once to say that if this kind of evangelistic church isn't her cup of tea, she'd be better attending a more laid back one rather than trying to change the church she is currently at, and second to point out that if she doesn't share the beliefs and standards of the church she is currently attending she isn't an ideal candidate to get involved with their children's ministry. Not very clear how either of those statements makes me non Christian!

KiKi

Nicki wrote: »

Eh? Where did I yell at her?

I think it may have been because you dared to write the word 'any' in capitals. And it was easier to have a go at you for that than actually read the useful content of your posts.