A wee quandary again re the people at the Church

Billie-S

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In general the type of person who attends the church described by the OP (which sounds like an Evangelical church) wouldn't see anything strange in attending both services on a Sunday and a house-group during the week.

I agree that if she wants to go less frequently that's her choice but she shouldn't be surprised that some people ask where she's been in the interim. Amount of attendance does not a Christian make but it's in my experience unusual to only want to meet with fellow believers every few weeks. For instance my church often does a series of sermons and so if you miss weeks will not get the best out of it.

Just to close by saying that if being a Christian doesn't impact all aspects of your life then you are missing out.

Well I must admit, I read this post with dismay, and this the one of the reasons I posted in the first place. So there has to be a 'quota' of how often one goes to Church? And if you haven't been for 3 weeks, you have to answer to the congregation as to why? And if you only go every 3 weeks, then you're 'not getting the best out of Christianity?'

So if being a Christian does not impact on all parts of one's life, you are missing out? Why? Missing out on what?

And as for this comment by esmerelda98

Many Christians believe your faith shouldn't be some small compartmentalised part of your life but the very foundation of your life. There is a verse in the Bible that says that the Christian message is either vitally important or a load of rubbish and you would expect a person who believes it to act accordingly

Christianity is NOT a small compartmentalised part of my life; I am a Christian, and I am a Christian every day, not just ever third Sunday. I just don't want to get involved with the Church any more than going every 3 weeks, and to the women's group now and again, and frankly, it's this 'you must give all or nothing' attitude that is the very reason I posted here! I mean, good grief, you're implying that because I don't feel I can (or want to) get involved anymore in the Church than 3-weekly visits, I am not as much of a Christian as people who have their face in every Church-related thing.

Thank you very much to the vast majority of posters here, who gave good constructive advice, but I will be taking the advice of several people here who have just said 'keep going as often as you want' and don't explain yourself to anyone, and sooner or later they will stop asking and will get used to me being one of the ones that come every 3 weeks or so (because believe it or not, some others do this too! Some come LESS frequently; shock horror!)

Not every person who attends the Church gets involved in everything: they just seem to have targeted me! That said, it could be that they targeted others when they were new too, and they just got bored with asking them, and pounced on the next newbie.

As a matter of interest; the other week when I was talking to one of the women who keep asking me to join in stuff, (whilst walking home,) she pointed to the family at 'that' house and the elderly couple at 'that' house, and the woman at 'that' house, and said 'THEY used to come to Church, but now they don't: I don't know why. '

Probably got sick of being hounded to join in everything.

And to the (few) people who have said basically that I should be grateful to be asked/included; of COURSE I am grateful that people are friendly, so I'm sorry, but saying that is just daft, ANYone would be thankful to be included and asked to things, but when someone declines - 5 or 6 times - it's just getting to the point of harassment when people keep on and on. There's being friendly, then there's just asking and asking to the point of exasperation, and it becomes disrespectful and rude. It's like 'well I know what you said before, but I'm going to keep asking until you submit.'

Thank you to everyone for your contribution. I will play it by ear, but there's no way that I'm going to be emotionally blackmailed or bullied into joining in every last thing that the Church organises, with thinly veiled attacks like 'you're not a true Christian if you 'only' go to Church every 3 weeks..'

If I am still not comfortable or happy 4-5 months down the line, then I shall stop going, and pray and worship and be a Christian in private, until I am at a point in my life where I am ready to give more. As I said, I certainly won't be bullied into doing things I don't want to do, by people implying that if one only goes to Church every 3 weeks or so and doesn't get involved in anything else, then they're not a true Christian! It's this kind of judgemental attitude that puts people off going to Church!

I mean, do you know what kind of person I am like? And what I do for others in life and what kindness I have shown to people and God's creatures around me? No. You know nothing about me.

Errata

It's greatly puzzling why you haven't discussed the fact that you're being emotionally blackmailed and bullied with the vicar/pastor/minister.

Torry_Quine

Billie-S wrote: »

Well I must admit, I read this post with dismay, and this the one of the reasons I posted in the first place. So there has to be a 'quota' of how often one goes to Church? And if you haven't been for 3 weeks, you have to answer to the congregation as to why? And if you only go every 3 weeks, then you're 'not getting the best out of Christianity?'

So if being a Christian does not impact on all parts of one's life, you are missing out? Why? Missing out on what?

And as for this comment by esmerelda98

Many Christians believe your faith shouldn't be some small compartmentalised part of your life but the very foundation of your life. There is a verse in the Bible that says that the Christian message is either vitally important or a load of rubbish and you would expect a person who believes it to act accordingly

Christianity is NOT a small compartmentalised part of my life; I am a Christian, and I am a Christian every day, not just ever third Sunday. I just don't want to get involved with the Church any more than going every 3 weeks, and to the women's group now and again, and frankly, it's this 'you must give all or nothing' attitude that is the very reason I posted here! I mean, good grief, you're implying that because I don't feel I can (or want to) get involved anymore in the Church than 3-weekly visits, I am not as much of a Christian as people who have their face in every Church-related thing.

Thank you very much to the vast majority of posters here, who gave good constructive advice, but I will be taking the advice of several people here who have just said 'keep going as often as you want' and don't explain yourself to anyone, and sooner or later they will stop asking and will get used to me being one of the ones that come every 3 weeks or so (because believe it or not, some others do this too! Some come LESS frequently; shock horror!)

Not every person who attends the Church gets involved in everything: they just seem to have targeted me! That said, it could be that they targeted others when they were new too, and they just got bored with asking them, and pounced on the next newbie.

As a matter of interest; the other week when I was talking to one of the women who keep asking me to join in stuff, (whilst walking home,) she pointed to the family at 'that' house and the elderly couple at 'that' house, and the woman at 'that' house, and said 'THEY used to come to Church, but now they don't: I don't know why. '

Probably got sick of being hounded to join in everything.

And to the (few) people who have said basically that I should be grateful to be asked/included; of COURSE I am grateful that people are friendly, so I'm sorry, but saying that is just daft, ANYone would be thankful to be included and asked to things, but when someone declines - 5 or 6 times - it's just getting to the point of harassment when people keep on and on. There's being friendly, then there's just asking and asking to the point of exasperation, and it become disrespectful and rude. It's like 'well I know what you said before, but I'm going to keep asking until you submit.'

Thank you to everyone for your contribution. I will play it by ear, but there's no way that I'm going to be emotionally blackmailed or bullied into joining in every last thing that the Church organises, with thinly veiled attacks like 'you're not a true Christian if you 'only' go to Church every 3 weeks..'

If I am still not comfortable or happy 4-5 months down the line, then I shall stop going, and pray and worship and be a Christian in private, until I am at a point in my life where I am ready to give more. As I said, I certainly won't be bullied into doing things I don't want to do, by people implying that if one only goes to Church every 3 weeks or so and doesn't get involved in anything else, then they're not a true Christian! It's this kind of judgemental attitude that puts people off going to Church!

I mean, do you know what kind of person I am like? And what I do for others in life and what kindness I have shown to people and God's creatures around me? No. You know nothing about me.

The sentence you had a problem with is about missing out on sermons in a series and so not getting the best out of the sermons. I didn't mean anything else by that statement and I apologise if it could be interpreted to mean otherwise.

You certainly wouldn't have to answer to the congregation, I'm talking of a one-to-one basis. Obviously if someone comes every few weeks then it's not the same but if someone comes regularly and then misses a couple of weeks then it's normal to be concerned for them.

As I've said but worth repeating the number of times someone attends church is not in itself an indication of whether they are a Christian. It's about whether you believe in and follow Christ as Lord and Saviour and only you and God can know about that. I for one am in no place to say whether you or anyone else is a Christian.

esmerelda98

Billie-S wrote: »

Well I must admit, I read this post with dismay, and this the one of the reasons I posted in the first place. So there has to be a 'quota' of how often one goes to Church? And if you haven't been for 3 weeks, you have to answer to the congregation as to why? And if you only go every 3 weeks, then you're 'not getting the best out of Christianity?'

So if being a Christian does not impact on all parts of one's life, you are missing out? Why? Missing out on what?

And as for this comment by esmerelda98

Many Christians believe your faith shouldn't be some small compartmentalised part of your life but the very foundation of your life. There is a verse in the Bible that says that the Christian message is either vitally important or a load of rubbish and you would expect a person who believes it to act accordingly

Christianity is NOT a small compartmentalised part of my life; I am a Christian, and I am a Christian every day, not just ever third Sunday. I just don't want to get involved with the Church any more than going every 3 weeks, and to the women's group now and again, and frankly, it's this 'you must give all or nothing' attitude that is the very reason I posted here! I mean, good grief, you're implying that because I don't feel I can (or want to) get involved anymore in the Church than 3-weekly visits, I am not as much of a Christian as people who have their face in every Church-related thing.

Thank you very much to the vast majority of posters here, who gave good constructive advice, but I will be taking the advice of several people here who have just said 'keep going as often as you want' and don't explain yourself to anyone, and sooner or later they will stop asking and will get used to me being one of the ones that come every 3 weeks or so (because believe it or not, some others do this too! Some come LESS frequently; shock horror!)

Not every person who attends the Church gets involved in everything: they just seem to have targeted me! That said, it could be that they targeted others when they were new too, and they just got bored with asking them, and pounced on the next newbie.

As a matter of interest; the other week when I was talking to one of the women who keep asking me to join in stuff, (whilst walking home,) she pointed to the family at 'that' house and the elderly couple at 'that' house, and the woman at 'that' house, and said 'THEY used to come to Church, but now they don't: I don't know why. '

Probably got sick of being hounded to join in everything.

And to the (few) people who have said basically that I should be grateful to be asked/included; of COURSE I am grateful that people are friendly, so I'm sorry, but saying that is just daft, ANYone would be thankful to be included and asked to things, but when someone declines - 5 or 6 times - it's just getting to the point of harassment when people keep on and on. There's being friendly, then there's just asking and asking to the point of exasperation, and it becomes disrespectful and rude. It's like 'well I know what you said before, but I'm going to keep asking until you submit.'

Thank you to everyone for your contribution. I will play it by ear, but there's no way that I'm going to be emotionally blackmailed or bullied into joining in every last thing that the Church organises, with thinly veiled attacks like 'you're not a true Christian if you 'only' go to Church every 3 weeks..'

If I am still not comfortable or happy 4-5 months down the line, then I shall stop going, and pray and worship and be a Christian in private, until I am at a point in my life where I am ready to give more. As I said, I certainly won't be bullied into doing things I don't want to do, by people implying that if one only goes to Church every 3 weeks or so and doesn't get involved in anything else, then they're not a true Christian! It's this kind of judgemental attitude that puts people off going to Church!

I mean, do you know what kind of person I am like? And what I do for others in life and what kindness I have shown to people and God's creatures around me? No. You know nothing about me.

I wasn't actually referring to you but to your odd attitude that the church members are 'over-enthusiastic' because they want to read and discuss the Bible and contribute to building a community with Christ at the centre of it. I was trying to explain why they are the way they are. However it is also true that in many Christian circles it is expected that as time goes on a new Christian would just naturally spend more time getting to know God and worshipping God in the company of other Christians, a sort of virtuous circle.

Funnily enough, I have shied away from getting involved in Church activities, due to my own peculiar personal issues, but what pricked my conscience was a comment that pressed home the importance of everyone contributing to form a community. If everyone had the attitude of not getting involved there would be no community. It would be a very cold and lifeless church. Having said that, I recognise that the time may not be right for you to get involved. However I don't think it is an unreasonable expectation from your church members that you get involved at some point.

securityguy

Errata wrote: »

It's greatly puzzling why you haven't discussed the fact that you're being emotionally blackmailed and bullied with the vicar/pastor/minister.

Since "do as I say or you'll go to hell" is the centre of Christianity, complaining of emotional blackmail in a church seems to be rather missing the point.

Torry_Quine

securityguy wrote: »

Since "do as I say or you'll go to hell" is the centre of Christianity, complaining of emotional blackmail in a church seems to be rather missing the point.

You're missing the point. Believe in Jesus as your saviour or you will by your own decision go to hell is the actual truth as understood by Christians.

jellyhead

KiKi wrote: »

They talk about Jesus and the Bible and stuff? Funny, that! It's a church!

I went to a women's group about 25 years ago and it was mainly about cooking, sewing, flowers and whatnot. The religious aspect was probably less than a quarter of the hour. I don't go to church nowadays, but if I did I'd probably expect a women's group to be about friendship and bonding over activities, while also being a safe place for women. The church that I take my child to 'messy church' at is promoting (only in terms of having a poster up rather than actually inviting people to go) a women's group, and the impression that I got was that it was more of a sisterhood thing than a religion thing, and perhaps to help with domestic violence.

If it's about bible study, why limit it to females? I'd want to be making jam :rotfl:

Torry_Quine

jellyhead wrote: »

I went to a women's group about 25 years ago and it was mainly about cooking, sewing, flowers and whatnot. The religious aspect was probably less than a quarter of the hour. I don't go to church nowadays, but if I did I'd probably expect a women's group to be about friendship and bonding over activities, while also being a safe place for women. The church that I take my child to 'messy church' at is promoting (only in terms of having a poster up rather than actually inviting people to go) a women's group, and the impression that I got was that it was more of a sisterhood thing than a religion thing, and perhaps to help with domestic violence.

If it's about bible study, why limit it to females? I'd want to be making jam :rotfl:

Different groups will have a different emphasis. The weekly groups in my church focus on studying the bible and sharing our needs for prayer. They are for everyone, young or old, male or female. We also have monthly seperate male and female groups which in the women's anyway are lots of cake and talking with a bible-based talk.

The groups you talk of sound like the Women's Guild or Women's Institute.

System

When I went to church, I found that it fell on the same few ladies who were asked to do things in the church. The reason being most of the ladies of the church worked and could not spare the time so the same people were asked over and over again.

Luke 10: 1+2

After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.

meritaten

It occurs to me that this isn't the 'right' church for you. I think you need to attend services at other churches and see how things go. unless you want to attend a certain 'denomination' then there should be some alternatives in easy reach. and perhaps a different denomination could be investigated? I know some branches of church are more 'shall we say - ardent' than others.