A wee quandary again re the people at the Church

poet123

I see where you are coming from, and see nothing wrong with doing as much or as little as you want to. Maybe you made the mistake of telling them about all this free time? If so, perhaps they think you need stuff to fill your time? If you haven't done that I might be inclined to invent ties that prevent you from getting too involved, a friend in need of support etc. Or you could just tell them what you have said here; that you are enjoying a bit of time having no ties and being spontaneous and so don't want to get too involved.

GobbledyGook

I would just tell them you have too much on, but without specifying what that is.

I'm not huge on religion at all, but I do enjoy going to the local church that my grandparents went too. There's a comfort about being there with memories and some faces from their time (I know that's probably a stupid reason to go to church to some). I find they tend to try and keep people busy because they worry people will end up isolated or lonely - especially those whose family is far away for the most part.

Billie-S

freyamae wrote: »

I can understand its a very tricky situation I attend a small church in my community and have struggled sometimes with people who are over- enthusiastic.

My daughter has a strong faith but feels very uncomfortable in social situations with people she doesn't know but isnt good at saying no. I explained this to some people at church saying not to ask to certain youth events but they still went ahead and of course she said yes even though she felt miserable! I felt I had to be honest and explain to them why she wouldn't be attending.

My church has also take to doing quiz evening/ social events pretty much monthly now I work full time and do not have the capacity or the money to attend all of these. If I were you I would keep enjoying church and God in your own way and eventually people will back off when a new person comes along.

THANK YOU :j You seem to know exactly how I feel. I really don't want to appear rude towards these people, as they are by-and-large fairly pleasant people (most of them,) but I don't understand why they ARE so 'over-enthusiastic' as you say, and they seem to expect everyone else to be the same!

So it's dealing with it, and saying 'no,' without coming across as rude and offensive. And like your daughter, when I HAVE said yes to things in the past that I didn't want to say yes to; I have ended up being bored and not enjoying things.

And as I said, maybe I WILL get more involved eventually, but not now. What annoys me is that every time I see them, they ask. I have declined about half a dozen things at least 6 times, and it's getting exasperating.

System

The problem seems to lie with the fact that OP is something of a free spirit, and the churches she has been to so far have been quite cliquey. I think it is about finding the balance between being part of a group or organisation, but not being tied to them to the extent that you are no longer happy there.

Billie-S

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I would just tell them you have too much on, but without specifying what that is.

I'm not huge on religion at all, but I do enjoy going to the local church that my grandparents went too. There's a comfort about being there with memories and some faces from their time (I know that's probably a stupid reason to go to church to some). I find they tend to try and keep people busy because they worry people will end up isolated or lonely - especially those whose family is far away for the most part.

Hi GG. Yes I agree with this, and I know they mean well, but I think when someone has been asked 5 to 8 times, and doesn't turn up/keeps declining, maybe they should take the hint?

They are (as I said) pleasant people, but can be very pushy at times.

valk_scot

You can look blankly at them and say "Did you not ask me that before? I get really muddled up, folk are always asking me to do things. And I'm so busy atm I always have to say no."


Or can you not switch to another church? Or is there only one of that denomination where you live?

Billie-S

avogadro wrote: »

The problem seems to lie with the fact that OP is something of a free spirit, and the churches she has been to so far have been quite cliquey. I think it is about finding the balance between being part of a group or organisation, but not being tied to them to the extent that you are no longer happy there.

:T Thank you. That is quite accurate.

Billie-S

valk_scot wrote: »

You can look blankly at them and say "Did you not ask me that before? I get really muddled up, folk are always asking me to do things. And I'm so busy atm I always have to say no."


Or can you not switch to another church? Or is there only one of that denomination where you live?

Well the nearest other Church is about 5 miles away, and TBH I would have preferred to go to the one a few minutes walk from my road. It's generally OK, but for the few pushy people. I don't 'get' why they aren't happy with people simply attending Church. I mean, the VICAR is!

paulineb_2

Some people just like to be involved in other peoples lives, full stop, not just a church thing I expect.

Billie-S

Skippycat wrote: »

I don't think you are being mean or selfish at all. You shouldn't feel bad that after all this time that you finally have a bit of time to yourself. I think you will just have to be firm with people and just smile and say that unfortunately you can't commit to X as you don't have time or already have something planned. If they start pushing for further info just keep it very vague. You shouldn't feel obliged or bullied into accounting for every hour of your week to people who are really just acquaintances. Enjoy the free time for however long it lasts and don't feel guilty about it for one minute!

Awww, thanks so much Skippycat. That made me feel better. I do feel a wee bit bad, as I know they don't mean any harm, and are being courteous, BUT as I said, surely after asking over and over, they should accept 'no,' as it is becoming a nuisance after the first 5 times ! And yes, I shouldn't have to say why.