Am I being silly?

samroo

We didn't tell anyone our chosen names for our son and daughter until they were born. Our kids, our choices.

brazilianwax

I absolutely dreaded naming DD for exactly this reason. My sister and I are pretty much named after other people (me = anagram of mum's name plus dad's initial, maternal aunt, paternal grandmother (never met her); sister = alternative to maternal great-grandmother, midwife, other maternal aunt, maternal grandmother (she never met her)).

Husband's family has a "family name" which is pretty innocuous (William). Husband's great-grandfather and grandfather were Williams, his dad is William but is known by his middle name. Husband has 3 brothers, and not one has William as a first or middle name. So to me the family name chain was broken. It certainly wasn't something I particularly wanted to carry on. However, all 4 brothers were determined that the first boy would have William in there somewhere. That's exactly what happened. DD is the only one of the now 6 cousins not to be named after somebody else.

I wanted to find out the sex to halve the arguments on names. Luckily DD was female, so the William argument never needed to be had. Plenty of other "discussions" though. I went through the name book and made a list of about 20 I liked. Husband crossed 14 or 15 off, and liked 2 in particular together. None were ever discussed with anybody else. When DD was (eventually) born we agreed on those 2 names, which do really suit her and offer her options for the future. To my knowledge nobody has been offended by that!

orangeslimes

My middle name is my mum's mum's name, but she says I wasn't called after anyone. She just really liked the name. (She says she wanted to give it to me as a first name but she was afraid of offending my dad's mum - although I would argue that my dad's mum's name is just another variation of my middle name anyway)

Might be something similar for your daughter? I don't think you should be offended by it. Have you asked her why she has chosen the names?

j.e.j.

Person_one wrote: »

This kind of 'thanks' post is getting to be nearly as common as 'I bet you'd all respond differently if the genders were reversed'. I think I'll have to add it to the MSE bingo card.

So basically it's 'thanks to everyone who told me what I wanted to hear, everyone who didn't is just a big meanie'.

That's a bit uncalled-for.

EmmasWorld

I would voice your opinion in a joking way and see what they think

Person_one

debsue wrote: »

Thank you again for those that supported me, and to those that dont, I hope that they learn to be more tolerant.

Person_one wrote: »

So basically it's 'thanks to everyone who told me what I wanted to hear, everyone who didn't is just a big meanie'.

j.e.j. wrote: »

That's a bit uncalled-for.

I'm essentially just paraphrasing.

But its ok, I know you're not exactly my biggest fan!

MrsE_2

Personally I think this thread had been done to death.
The OP just wanted to get her feelings out In a safe place without upsetting her dd.
All she needed was a listening ear & a bit of perspective.
There seems to be a real intent to labour the "telling off",
There's only so many ways she needs to be told she's a selfish idiot, it doesn't get anymore real because it keeps getting repeated........

Give it a rest springs to mind.

& I don't care what is posted to me because I dare to speak out, because I'm not in a vulnerable emotional place right now.

But perhaps some MSEers might consider that when posters post family questions like this, they are often in a tender emotional place & don't need a verbal kicking.

I hate bullying & I despise people who roam in gangs & cliques!

As for the thankers who thank nasty posts, well I call them something that rhymes with thankers ;-)

paulineb_2

totallybored wrote: »

Indeed, knowing the names would be useful. No offence to any Deborahs or Sue/ Susans but they're not names you'd normally give to a baby now as others have said they're now middle aged lady names. If the MIL has a name that doesn't seem as dated then it would make sense to use hers.

However, if the MIL is called Sharon or Pauline or that generation name then I could maybe understand being a bit annoyed.

I didn't actually realise that my name was of a particular generation

I actually hardly know any other Pauline's . Two I knew from school, one younger than me and one older and not met any since.

Apart from a flight attendant who looked at my cash card when I paid for something mid flight as we had the same surname. I don't have a common surname. We had the same first and second names, she nearly keeled over.

Tbh, I think the name issue has !!!!!! all to do with anything else apart from the op feeling stung that the child is getting a middle name from the son in laws side of the family.

It would help to know what they are both called but I don't see why the kid couldn't have two middle names.

In saying that if you don't like your mums name and there's nothing to say you have to, you won't want to call your child by that name.

Kynthia

debsue wrote: »

Phew, never in all my time on MSE have I started a thread that has gone on so long.

Anyway, thank you to all the people who have been supportive, that is why I come here, the support is (usually) tremendous.

As I said in my thread, I questioned myself, "Am I being silly"? Silly for the want of a better word.

I do believe that I am being "silly", the most precious gift of life is a child, and I will love and cherish her and her parents, no matter what her name is. I will never tell my DD how I feel (at times0 about her choice of name. I think many of us have our insecurities, I have tried so hard with my children to make them feel loved and secure (as do we all), in the main as a single parent, so in a way I do feel "passed over".

However I have been called childish and selfish by people who judge me on the basis of one post. We all have our opinions and I know that I aired my own insecurities on a public forum and I should expect that some will abuse their own anonimity to flame me.

Thank you again for those that supported me, and to those that dont, I hope that they learn to be more tolerant.

Yes you are being silly as unless there's any reason to think your daughter and son in law would snub you then they haven't named their child to hurt you. The naming of their child is about them and them alone, and as long as they are both happy then that's what matters.

paulineb_2

MrsE wrote: »

Personally I think this thread had been done to death.
The OP just wanted to get her feelings out I'm a safe place without upsetting her dd.
All she needed was a listening ear & a bit of perspective.
There seems to be a real intent to labour the "telling off",
There's only so many ways she needs to be told she's a selfish idiot, it doesn't get anymore real because it keeps getting repeated........

Give it a rest springs to mind.

& I don't care what is posted to me because I dare to speak out, because I'm not in a vulnerable emotional place right now.

But perhaps some MSEers might consider that when posters post family questions like this, they are often in a tender emotional place & don't need a verbal kicking.

I hate bullying & I despise people who roam in gangs & cliques!

As for the thankers who thank nasty posts, well I call them something that rhymes with thankers ;-)

I've been bullied in real life to the point that it made me seriously unwell.

I suggest anyone who thinks this thread is bullying needs to get a grip.

The op has responded to posts she wasn't happy about and made her feelings known.

Do people think it's any better to start name calling and suggesting that people who thank a post are something that rhymes with bankers?

Big deal. I've been called more names in times of said bullying than many people will in a lifetime.

This board is now getting ridiculous. People jumping on a white charger to defend people who are capable of defending themselves.

The above post is not helpful, it's just flaming for the sake of it as far as I'm concerned.