The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

ellesbellesxxx

Hi Pink,
Thank you so much for your kind, compassionate reply - it was very much appreciated!
I am really sorry you have had to endure this for so long... you are very brave. The link you posted was so true - and you are right, it is grief. I appreciate I am still really in the early stages of the whole process but I think that all my despair and sadness has been tied up in grieving for something that I don't yet have.

One small thing from today is that one of my best friends told me she was pregnant and I am so relieved that my first reaction was happiness.

You are right that infertility does seem to be taboo - I have even porky pied to people and said we aren't trying as the second you say you are, you get constantly asked how it's going. (Well by some people anyway, others are more discreet)

Thank you so much for all your advice... I actually said to husband yesterday maybe for the next couple of months we should just not "Try" as I can't cope with the constant up and downs - you are right, it is complete limbo.

I will keep my fingers crossed that everything works out for you too - thank you for reaching out to me today xxx

becca0417

Hello everyone
I was on this thread back in 2012/13. I was very lucky and had a little girl in Feb 2014, as a result of ovulation induction/trigger injections.
We have been TTC since shortly after she was born as we know we didn't really have the option to choose when I got pregnant. I've so far had 6 rounds of letrozole/hcg and nothing. Haven't posted on this thread up until now as I didn't feel it was appropriate.
However, today I saw my specialist and DH's SA results are back. He has low morphology and our only option now is ICSI. Does anyone have experience of this?
Before this, we were told that we needed IVF as I hadn't responded to other treatment. We were turned down for egg sharing so that's not really an option either.
Sorry for the rambling message, just looking for a little advice or experiences.

TamVilla80

Hi ladies. Hope you are all well?

This is not the post I ever imagined typing, but here goes. After leaving you lovelies back in July, I now have to tell you that we have already met our beautiful baby boy, born at 19weeks and 6 days. We were actually on holiday for our anniversary in Amsterdam, when 2 hours after we arrived, we were in the ambulance on the way to hospital after I went in to premature labour. Despite the amazing help and hard work of some very lovely people in the hospital, we had our beautiful son 4 days later.
I'm heartbroken, my husband is too, but I'm so proud of our Benjamin and the strength he had to try and stay with us. He is the most perfect thing I have ever seen, just too small to survive and stay with us.
I'm not sure why I'm posting on this thread as obviously trying to conceive is the last thing on my mind at the moment, but you are all so lovely and I didn't know if anyone on here might understand how I'm feeling. Today we have been sorting the final arrangements for our son's funeral, I can't believe this is happening... X

ellesbellesxxx

Tam villa, I have just cried reading your post. What a beautiful name Benjamin and he sounds absolutely beautiful too. He sounds like a little fighter!!!!
I am so so sorry to hear that you are going through this, I really wish this had turned out differently for you both.
Thinking of you both xxx

codemonkey

Tam, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's just too cruel. I will be thinking of you and Benjamin and I wish you all the resources you need to get through this and say goodbye to your beautiful boy. Hugs.

Primmer

Tam - so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Thoughts are with you, your dh and Benjamin xx

cyantist

I'm so sorry Tam, I can't imagine what you and your DH are going through, but my thoughts are with you. Life is so unfair :-(

TamVilla80

Thank you all. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but at the same time, I wish it was anyone but us...
Have seen the bereavement midwife today at the hospital, delightfully located on the maternity ward - they asked when we got there if we were there for the tour. Then they asked if we wanted to wait in a side room which I walked straight in and out of as it all set up with a crib in the middle of it. Fortunately the midwife was lovely and really helpful so looks like we are finally getting some help (think we fell out the system as it didn't happen in a UK hospital) They have a tree set up where people write cards to the babies they have lost, it's heartbreaking to see how many are on there, but strangely comforting that someone out there will know what we are going through x

pinkteapot

I'm so, so sorry Tam. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Losses seem so much crueller when they happen to people who tried so long for that BFP. I know that's a terrible thing to say because it's utterly awful for anyone, but it just seems to add that extra dimension to the pain.

Use all the resources available to you, and take each day as it comes. A few posts up I posted this link, which has a perfect description of grief:

http://robsays.com/2012/05/20/the-shipwreck-3/

Take comfort in the days when the waves are little smaller. Just get through the days where they're not - don't expect any more of yourself than just surviving right now.

We're always here if you want to talk - it absolutely doesn't matter if you're TTC. xx

Becca - Just seen your post. I'm sorry you've had to come back. But welcome back. I had an ICSI cycle last year - sadly a BFN for us but I know the process if you have any questions?

TamVilla80

That's a beautiful link, thank you Pink. Its my Mums birthday today so the distraction has made the waves smaller, but I'm going to visit my boss tomorrow so expect a mega storm warning. I thought infertility was a taboo subject, losing a baby too means that no-one knows what to say, I would quite happily never have another conservation with anyone again.
Hope you all have a nice weekend ladies x