Getting married and not telling anyone

Georgiegirl256

To be fair to daisie, jackieb, she posted in that in response to my comment about me being shocked how people managed to spend £1000's and that I wondered where all the money went.

DigForVictory

OP, whatever you do, I hope you have a happy day & (in a perfect world) reasonably happy relatives!

If my sons marry, I hope I'm asked. As guest, an observer, or even to help fund it. I have to accept things are changing & that they may not feel getting married is important, but I do. (I even think it's one of those to-do whilst pregnant if necessary, but I am aware that that is considered very old fashioned!)

You are taking your children? How secret does your OH want this to be & from whom, as I'm pretty sure your parents might like to see their girl formally tie the knot even if they share your wish for a no fuss do. Whcih in fairness includes the in-laws-to-be & they may be whom he'd rather not tell up front.

The "in Vegas, on a whim" idea is a cracker, although I'd corner my son for some heartfelt questions like "just how serious are you two about this?" after!

If you hop a train to Gretna & ride back with the certificate, could you find the nerve to hold a small party (or meal out) for the nearest relatives who might be miffed at Not Being There?

Wear your ring with studied nonchalance to start with "this old thing?" - you may find it becomes more loved with time. Me, I'm not really a jewellery person, but while my engagement ring was an interesting joy, my ring is now part of me.

All the every best in your married life!

ostrichnomore_2

I'm shocked how much it costs even to do a basic wedding (going beyond literally just going and doing legal side on your own). where I am it would be
register office booking fee- £55
notice of marriage - £70
marriage certificate - £4
marriage at local register office £426
That's over £500 just for the ceremony/legalities.

Then even if you want to be super frugal
nice but not 'wedding' outfit for bride - £100
new tie/some things for groom - £50
Two cheap wedding rings - £60
DIY invitations and postage - £15
Taking 18 guests for a meal at pub @£10 a head - £200
Buying 18 guests one drink at pub @£3.50 a head - £70.

Total £1050 for a bare bones wedding with no flowers, no wedding dress, no decorations, no transport required, small number of guests hosted in a minimal way, no evening do/party, no photographer.

securityguy

ostrichnomore wrote: »

marriage at local register office £426

Wow. It's a hundred, for a room for up to 20 people, Mon to Fri, in this city.

System

ostrichnomore wrote: »

I'm shocked how much it costs even to do a basic wedding (going beyond literally just going and doing legal side on your own). where I am it would be
register office booking fee- £55
notice of marriage - £70
marriage certificate - £4
marriage at local register office £426
That's over £500 just for the ceremony/legalities.

Then even if you want to be super frugal
nice but not 'wedding' outfit for bride - £100
new tie/some things for groom - £50
Two cheap wedding rings - £60
DIY invitations and postage - £15
Taking 18 guests for a meal at pub @£10 a head - £200
Buying 18 guests one drink at pub @£3.50 a head - £70.

Total £1050 for a bare bones wedding with no flowers, no wedding dress, no decorations, no transport required, small number of guests hosted in a minimal way, no evening do/party, no photographer.

Gretna Green it is then!:D

duchy

mumps wrote: »

My sister did exactly what the OP is suggesting. No one was upset, my mother was pleased they were married and no one else was bothered. I hate going to weddings and would be perfectly happy if that was how my children wanted to do it. I had a slightly bigger do, booked a lunch and the wedding, told friends two days before and 12 of us attended the ceremony and had lunch afterwards. I didn't even have a new dress. I know another couple who did it, the only people who were upset were their teenage daughters, one each from previous relationships. They were only upset about missing out on a new outfit and a day off school.

And what does that have to do with MY post? *which you quoted*
I quoted entirely different circumstances where my brother (who was very close with my Mum) kept my Mum in the dark til after the event......... And I can assure you it had nothing to do with missing out on a new dress or a day out !!!! She was bothered that her only son kept her in the dark over something she'd have wanted to know about (even though she couldn't have gone as medically she couldn't fly at that time). Obviously there are families who are distant and don't really care about each other and a wedding of a child wouldn't mean much to parents ...but that certainly wasn't how my Mum felt and my brother knew it.

daisiegg

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

To be fair to daisie, jackieb, she posted in that in response to my comment about me being shocked how people managed to spend £1000's and that I wondered where all the money went.

Exactly! And when I replied to your post I had not read far enough yet and noticed that someone else had already explained their costs too. I didn't think it would be that difficult to work out that I was replying to you, since I had quoted you...

daisiegg

lostinrates wrote: »

I think it depends

For example, I think it depends how of accord the couple are in the spending plan for money, and that money in context of other things.

Money stresses can be huge, and to start life either in a bad foot with money stress or in a relationship with altered or further declined stays of equality because of the sort of stress is never good and help ful.

Yes, I agree with you, and I think we actually think the same thing. A couple could be stretching themselves at £500 and another couple could be not stretching themselves at £100,000... So it doesn't actually depend on the cost of the wedding, but the cost to the couple. If that makes sense...

If a couple could afford a £100,000 wedding comfortably and are both on the same page about spending that money on that, then I don't see why that would make them any more likely to divorce than a couple who spends £500, and is comfortably able to afford that and are both on the same page about spending it. As you say, the difference comes when people stretch themselves, get into debt, or are not in agreement.

mumps

duchy wrote: »

And what does that have to do with MY post? *which you quoted*
I quoted entirely different circumstances where my brother (who was very close with my Mum) kept my Mum in the dark til after the event......... And I can assure you it had nothing to do with missing out on a new dress or a day out !!!! She was bothered that her only son kept her in the dark over something she'd have wanted to know about (even though she couldn't have gone as medically she couldn't fly at that time). Obviously there are families who are distant and don't really care about each other and a wedding of a child wouldn't mean much to parents ...but that certainly wasn't how my Mum felt and my brother knew it.

Gosh aren't you het up. You said families often get upset, I wasn't disagreeing with you just pointing out the other side of the coin, some families don't get upset so neither example actually helps the OP as it isn't her family.

Your final sentence is actually very rude. My mother was a widow who worked incredibly hard to bring up three children in a very close family unit. We certainly do care about each other, the fact that we don't particularly enjoy the fuss people make about weddings isn't the point is it?

By the way the comment about the new dress was in a relation to two teenagers not a grown woman and I never mentioned a day out I said a day off school. I am assuming by the time your brother got married your mother had probably left school.

daisiegg

securityguy wrote: »

Wow. It's a hundred, for a room for up to 20 people, Mon to Fri, in this city.

What is it for a Saturday?