New Freemason wife

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

If that's he's hobby so be it, he isn't doing any harm, and as a lot of posters have already said, the FM's do ALOT of good work for charity, so they can't be all that bad.

Their fund-raising is all done within the society so it will affect their household budget.

fairy_lights

So do all these men who join the Freemasons really keep it all secret from their wives? REALLY? I get that secrecy is the point of it but surely you'd let your own wife in on what goes on there...I just can't believe that everyone involved sticks to this code of absolute secrecy for their whole lives.
Personally though I wouldn't be too happy if my OH wanted to join a secret society. We both have hobbies and interests outside the relationship but that gives us things to talk about. I can only imagine what the conversation must be like between a Freemason and his wife...
"did you have a good evening dear?"
"can't say. sworn to secrecy."
*awkward silence ensues*

Tanswell88

indebtinsussex wrote: »

my dad is a freemason and my oh belongs to a catholic variation of it. When my dad was asked to join 25 years ago, my parents set a timescale of a year and if it interferred too much with family or my mum was uncomfortable with him being it, then he would leave no questions asked.

My parents have made a lot of good friends from it, the one thing I was very impressed about was how they look after each other. When my dad had cancer (after checking with my mum it was ok) they made a shift rota about who would take my dad to chemo on which days and someone was always on hand to ensure that if my parents needed something or someone to talk to there was always someone there for them.

From growing up with it and my oh being a variation of one, I've find it completely harmless, I dont think theres anything sinister about it and the amount they raise for charity is amazing.

If it was me I would say give yourselves 6 months to settle into the nipple flashing routine and then if you're still uncomfortable then make a final deicsion then

This is exactly like the buff club too. They did the same with my dad too. They would also come and visit him in hospital. They also looked after my mum when my dad died.
For a group we knew nothing about they treated us all well and my dad made some lifelong friendships and I think OP'er you should welcome that for your OH.

Mojisola

fairy_lights wrote: »

I can only imagine what the conversation must be like between a Freemason and his wife...
"did you have a good evening dear?"
"can't say. sworn to secrecy."
*awkward silence ensues*

I don't think the whole evening is a secret - just that there are secrets that shouldn't be passed on.

He'd be able to say that X and Y were there and Z told me that such-and-such happened, etc.

indebtinsussex

fairy_lights wrote: »

So do all these men who join the Freemasons really keep it all secret from their wives? REALLY? I get that secrecy is the point of it but surely you'd let your own wife in on what goes on there...I just can't believe that everyone involved sticks to this code of absolute secrecy for their whole lives.
Personally though I wouldn't be too happy if my OH wanted to join a secret society. We both have hobbies and interests outside the relationship but that gives us things to talk about. I can only imagine what the conversation must be like between a Freemason and his wife...
"did you have a good evening dear?"
"can't say. sworn to secrecy."
*awkward silence ensues*

in all fairness my dad and oh have told me various bits of what happens (not all)and I've had a look at some of the various books, it doesnt seem that interesting, and have always switched off.

Sadly enough, I quite like the mystery around all of it, it makes me think Dan Brown is correct and they're protecting some earth shattering secret each time they go to a meeting. If I ever actually found out the truth of what happens, I know my fantasies will be completely shattered!

Filey

fluffnutter wrote: »

F (plus a bit of cringing when she imagines him with his trouser leg rolled up and a chicken under his arm ).

Ooooh I didn't know about the chicken !! Is it dead or alive? What do they do with it afterwards???

lostinrates

Filey wrote: »

Ooooh I didn't know about the chicken !! Is it dead or alive? What do they do with it afterwards???

I didn't know either ....I might suggest to DH he join simply to deal with some of our surplus roosters.

My dad was a mason because his dad was and wanted him to be, First thing he did when his father did was resign or whatever. Never spoke about it apart form to say the whole thing was really stupid.

Lots of women don't enjoy it, my mother went to one wives thing in the seventies and never went back.....she explained to be that ' they simply weren't her sort of people'. Any one I have met who has told me they are mason seems to suggest I'd feel the same , though there may be people I know but don't know they are Freemasons and thus don't know I like a lot of them.

Pollycat

Amanda65 wrote: »

And whilst I am not here to defend the masons, I think it worth pointing out that they are (or were a couple of years ago) the second largest contributor to charities in the UK after the National Lottery.

I just wondered if the FM members donate money on a regular basis, I know some societies/groups pay a certain amount of their salary.

TBH I would find the fact that 'household' money was being spent in this way more of an issue than the fact that my OH sloped off to a 'secret' society and didn't tell me what was going on.

Of course, it may not happen like that in the FMs.

z.n

Father in Law is a very serious FM- and they do a lot for charity and have provided a strong backbone of support and friendship over the years. However, DH opted not to join- I said if he wanted to do FM he had to give up on another hobby (only so much time in the week). The fact that he was uncomfortable with the idea of keeping secrets from me tipped the scales. I should mention that had he chosen instead to go ahead with FM I would not have made it easy for him- I find the sexism distasteful and a bit sad.

heartbreak_star

Dad was a Freemason. Mum would occasionally go to the ladies' socials but they really weren't her thing...but they both loved the dinner dances

Can't say I'd be happy if OH decided to join...but that's mainly due to the "boy's club" mentality and religious involvement than any secrets malarkey.

HBS x