New Freemason wife

fluffnutter

For me this would be a real problem because I'm opposed to secret societies and I'd feel my husband's not the person I thought he was. It would shake my marriage to its core.

But as the OP initially supported and encouraged her husband's joining, I can't imagine that this is the case. Rather I suspect it's simply a case of feeling a little left out (plus a bit of cringing when she imagines him with his trouser leg rolled up and a chicken under his arm ).

Errata

Persimmon wrote: »

Thanks for your comments, it's given me something to think about. Please also let me reiterate I DO want him to go, I'm really not a possessive person, which I'm sure he would agree with.

You may not be possessive, but you may be jealous that you don't have open access to every single part of his life. Here's a novel thought - you don't have open access to all his thoughts either, how much does that trouble you?

mark55man

should we even be talking about this, won't you get your keyboard cut off or something

:-)

oh and can someone remind me, what century are in again?

Tanswell88

My dad was a buff - he wasn't aloud to discuss the goings on with my mum or us either. He was a member right up until he died last June and we still never knew what went on at them meetings. We found out when he died just how well respected he was within the organisation though. No amount of gentle ribbing would get him to share anything about his little secret club and it became like a running joke in the family about what went on at the buff club.
Maybe you should find yourself a hobby to focus on while your hubby does his freemason thing?

Mojisola

fluffnutter wrote: »

For me this would be a real problem because I'm opposed to secret societies and I'd feel my husband's not the person I thought he was. It would shake my marriage to its core.

But as the OP initially supported and encouraged her husband's joining, I can't imagine that this is the case. Rather I suspect it's simply a case of feeling a little left out (plus a bit of cringing when she imagines him with his trouser leg rolled up and a chicken under his arm ).

I would feel the same - especially as there are other organisations to join without the "secret society" part - that's why I wondered why he had chosen the Masons.

It can be very useful because of the way members support each other. The only person I know for sure is a Mason does say that he gets a lot of work through other members who will offer work to another Mason rather than someone else.

fluffnutter

Persimmon wrote: »

He now has this part of his life I can have no part in, he is mixing with people I don't know and I feel 'left behind'.

Yep, that's the point. His little club is a secret and not for the likes of women to know about. Honestly, any man who feels the need to join something with secret rules and initiation ceremonies and little signs and gestures so they can 'recognise' each other clearly feels lacking in some way. It's what you do when you're 10!

No doubt I'll ruffle feathers but I don't care. All of it is ridiculously childish.

Rather than you feel bad about not letting him have his fun or whatever, I think he needs to question why his boys' club is so important that he's prepared to upset his wife over it. You are more important than chickens and silly handshakes.

minerva_windsong

Is it something to do with feeling like he has secrets from you? If so, I would try and get involved in the side of it with activities for spouses and the social events as others have said as it might help to dispel a lot of the myths around it and make it feel less like you're being excluded from this part of his life.

To be fair though, the not knowing what he's doing could apply to lots of different activities. I'm in the WI and the only consistent thing about our meetings is that there will be cake!

fluffnutter

Mojisola wrote: »

It can be very useful because of the way members support each other. The only person I know for sure is a Mason does say that he gets a lot of work through other members who will offer work to another Mason rather than someone else.

Revolting cronyism. Work should be awarded on merit. I'd want no part of that.

Errata

Mojisola wrote: »

It can be very useful because of the way members support each other. The only person I know for sure is a Mason does say that he gets a lot of work through other members who will offer work to another Mason rather than someone else.

Which is exactly whar happens with other membership societies like the Round Table etc.

Pollycat

Persimmon wrote: »

And just to add, it doesn't feel like golf because I could do that if I wanted to, couldn't I? The silly thing is the Freemasons is so not my thing and I wouldn't want to join, but that's irrelevant in my illogical mind!

Yes, you could do golf if you wanted to but I think maybe you need to acknowledge that sometimes people get on better together when they have separate interests.

Is this perhaps the first time your husband has done something that doesn't include you and that's why you feel so left out?