New Freemason wife

Katem

I wonder if you have to examine why you feel like this? For example, if he'd taken up golf and you weren't interest (but could join in if you were interested) would you be so upset? What I'm saying is, are you upset because you CAN'T/not allowed to go, a bit like wanting cake when you're on a diet?

I agree with the folks who say a separate hobby is a good thing. My DH plays golf, a sport I have no interest in whatsoever, and think it's a bit elitist and sexist, but it's HIS thing, HIS interest and it doesn't matter what I think because I'm not doing it, and that's fine. It gives us a break from each other (because you CAN'T always be in each other's pocket, that's not healthy IMO) and more to talk about when he comes back.

Honestly, let him have his hobby, it might be a bit of a novelty at first but it'll wear off, and if it bothers you so much, join the WI!

Katem

sorry double posted!

Georgiegirl256

fluffnutter wrote: »

As I say I'd be horrified if my husband felt the need to join something like this. I think all secretive societies are silly and like you I'm entitled to my opinion.

Of course you are. I just think if that's what the bloke wants to do, then I can't see a problem with it, and can't see why the OP is being like a "hedgehog-like ball of pent up emotion"! Is it the FM's that she has a problem with or the fact he has a hobby and she's not included?

From what I saw of my colleague, he had lots of friends through it (I mean LOTS, they were always popping in), he thoroughly enjoyed the social aspect of it 1-2 nights a week, it was something he really loved, AND, he wasn't strange or anything like that in the slightest.

It always intrigued me what they got up to lol! Although I don't think it's as secretive as it used to be, my colleague loved talking about it, although he never revealed anything that was secret or that he shouldn't be talking about. Hence why I still don't really understand it myself, but always found it interesting.

fluffnutter

Persimmon wrote: »

Thanks for taking the time to reply. The logical part of my brain knows that it's not that important and I probably will get used to it, but the logical part of my brain isn't very dominant at the moment! Last night when he came in from his meeting, I wanted to be the 'hi love, had a good time' with a smile type of wife. What he actually got was a prickly hedgehog-like ball of pent up emotion! Which can't be nice for him, can it?

Honestly, I think you're being very accommodating. I'd be considering divorce

paulineb_2

Im not sure Id be very happy either. Its exclusive. Its fair enough to say that there are womens branches that you can join, but he cant talk about what he does when hes there? You are being excluded.

At least if you go to Zumba you can come home and say my instructor was wearing all these wacky neon clothes and we shook our bottoms to Pitbull (I used to teach Zumba incase anyone thinks Ive lost my marbles)

If you arent happy you arent happy, as someone else said, perhaps its the shades of sexism thats troubling you.

Errata

Freemansonry is little different to the Round Table. Spouses and OH's can play a very active parr - if they choose to. At least those who are members aren't spending one night a week in the Dog and Duck getting hammered and gawping at the barmaids' chests.

Georgiegirl256

Persimmon wrote: »

And just to add, it doesn't feel like golf because I could do that if I wanted to, couldn't I? The silly thing is the Freemasons is so not my thing and I wouldn't want to join, but that's irrelevant in my illogical mind!

Are you jealous of the fact you can't join, even though you don't really want to, do you just not like the fact that it isn't an option for you?

You really don't need to be joined to your OH all the time you know, let him have his hobby poor bloke! After all, he might soon get sick of it anyhow.

Mojisola

Persimmon wrote: »

He now has this part of his life I can have no part in, he is mixing with people I don't know and I feel 'left behind'.

My husband is a very caring person, and we have talked extensively about it, but I just don't know how to control my emotions. I don't want him to stop going, which he has suggested, because I know for him it can only be a good thing. But I just don't want to feel like this!

Katem wrote: »

What I'm saying is, are you upset because you CAN'T/not allowed to go, a bit like wanting cake when you're on a diet?

Has Katem put her finger on the main issue?

Have you (plural) always done everything together?

During the discussions about him joining, did he say why he wanted to join the Freemasons rather than some other men's group?

If you're happy to get involved with the women's side and the social events, there will be a lot of opportunities to meet up with the people he is getting to know.

If not, as others have said, find a new hobby for yourself or plan for self-indulgent evenings in when he's out.

It's all very new now but see whether, after a few months, of you doing X and him going to his meetings, it all starts to get routine.

Georgiegirl256

Errata wrote: »

Freemansonry is little different to the Round Table. Spouses and OH's can play a very active parr - if they choose to. At least those who are members aren't spending one night a week in the Dog and Duck getting hammered and gawping at the barmaids' chests.

Exactly. The bloke I know, as I mentioned above, raises a lot of money in the Freemasons for local charities, and I've heard him mention the Round Table.

ETA: I know that his wife gets involved in a lot of the events too, so there is opportunity for OH's to get involved as well.

19lottie82

My OH’s ex boss had a secret second familyand managed to get away with it by saying he was at Freemason “meetings” or “weekends”……