New Freemason wife

Mr_Toad

fluffnutter wrote: »

Honestly, I think you're being very accommodating. I'd be considering divorce

I can't understand some of the responses. Given the above response I have to say that if you were my wife I'd jump at the chance to be free!


These are people we're talking about not pets you keep chained up and never let out of your sight!

If the OP wanted to play tit for tat she could join the WI, a women only organisation that like the Masons do a lot of charity work.

I have friends and family who are Masons, they go to a meeting once a month for goodness sake!

Yes if you choose to progress up the hierarchy or do charity or committee work you can be out as often as you like but most people don't get that involved. Again, the same applies to the WI.

Georgiegirl256

fluffnutter wrote: »

For me this would be a real problem because I'm opposed to secret societies and I'd feel my husband's not the person I thought he was. It would shake my marriage to its core.

But as the OP initially supported and encouraged her husband's joining, I can't imagine that this is the case. Rather I suspect it's simply a case of feeling a little left out (plus a bit of cringing when she imagines him with his trouser leg rolled up and a chicken under his arm ).

Whilst I find your opinions and way of thinking to be over the top and a tad dramatic, like I say (and you said!), you are of course entitled to your opinion.

Your last comment however did make me laugh! :rotfl: my former colleagues and I used to find the trouser leg thing amusing, and also the little handshake they used to do! I won't tell you what we used to call them (you could spot them a mile off), as I might get beamed up or something!

Agree with Mojisola, about that if they needed any work doing, they'd always try and keep it within the FM's if possible. Former colleague always knew a bloke who could do this or do that, and I kinda like that community side of it.

PS, Do they really use chickens?!

Katem

fluffnutter wrote: »

Yep, that's the point. His little club is a secret and not for the likes of women to know about. Honestly, any man who feels the need to join something with secret rules and initiation ceremonies and little signs and gestures so they can 'recognise' each other clearly feels lacking in some way. It's what you do when you're 10!

No doubt I'll ruffle feathers but I don't care. All of it is ridiculously childish.

Rather than you feel bad about not letting him have his fun or whatever, I think he needs to question why his boys' club is so important that he's prepared to upset his wife over it. You are more important than chickens and silly handshakes.

I agree with the first part of the post, but I think that the OP needs to question why she's so insecure about a boys only club with secret handshakes and signals?

If my DH joined I'd have a right hoot to myself about the childishness and think "on you go mate" rather than be insecure about something I'm missing out on or feeling excluded. And if I did feel upset and insecure maybe I'd question why I felt the need to be involved in every aspect of his life.

My dad was a freemason and in earlier years was ridiculously secretive about his secret society, my mother and I used to laugh endlessly about it. Only when he died was his masons briefcase opened. In all fairness, they do a lot of charity works and certainly it was a benefit to my dad in terms of his business as work was routinely given to other masons rather than anyone outside the society.

(eta yes revolting cronyism, but it meant my mum and dad kept a roof over our heads when he was made redundant and they hadn't a bean)

In the nicest possible way OP, I really think you need to move on about this and not let it become a sticking point in your relationship. You encouraged him, he joined and I could see that he might now feel a bit narked that you don't like it and become a bit stubborn about it, which is going to cause a big rift. So he goes to a secret society once a month or so, it's much the same as going off down the pub with his mates, only with chickens, revealed nipples and exaggerated winks

Amanda65

fluffnutter wrote: »

Yep, that's the point. His little club is a secret and not for the likes of women to know about. Honestly, any man who feels the need to join something with secret rules and initiation ceremonies and little signs and gestures so they can 'recognise' each other clearly feels lacking in some way. It's what you do when you're 10!

No doubt I'll ruffle feathers but I don't care. All of it is ridiculously childish.

Rather than you feel bad about not letting him have his fun or whatever, I think he needs to question why his boys' club is so important that he's prepared to upset his wife over it. You are more important than chickens and silly handshakes.

My Dad has been a fremason for about 20 years and my Mum has always supported his involvement. He is also a golfer so she is used to doing things with her circle of friends while he is out and about with his golf buddies. The freemasonary doesn't take up a huge amount of times - I think it's 4 or 5 meetings a year, plus a ladies night which of course she attends with him and my OH and I have been to several as well and always had a good time.

I know there are secret ceremonies etc. which are all a bit 'childish' but hey - whatever floats your boat! As for the cronyism, I don't think it is any more rife than any group of people passing work between others they know - it's human nature.

And whilst I am not here to defend the masons, I think it worth pointing out that they are (or were a couple of years ago) the second largest contributor to charities in the UK after the National Lottery.

penrhyn

Persimmon wrote: »

Fluffnutter, to be fair to him he did suggest he leave, but I feel that why should I dictate his life. He is allowed to make his own choices. I suppose I just want to find a way to accept them.

I didn't think you could leave the masons, don't you end up washed up on a beach somewhere?

Anyhoo Shirley its all about business contacts, and never getting a a speeding ticket.:D

LannieDuck

I would have a problem with this as well if OH decided to join. We both have our own interests/hobbies and I don't feel the need to be joined at the hip all the time, but the fact that I couldn't choose to join in if I wanted to, purely because of my sex, would be very, very difficult for me to accept. Me and OH are equals, which makes it galling when something like this comes along and tries to tell us that we're not.

I also think the cronyism aspect is appalling. There are plenty of female business owners now. Why shouldn't they be able to join and get the benefits too? Old boys' network at it's best while the wives get a 'woman's weekend or two'. Whoop-de-doo. It's a shame society hasn't moved beyond this.

mark55man

undermining the principles of fairness and democracy that's what its about - a giant pyramid scheme with fancy aprons

Errata

Persimmon wrote: »

Karen, I totally agree with your last point- I do need to move on - I just don't seem to be able to manage it! That's the problem.

You'll find the answer to your problem if you're prepared to be brutally honest with yourself and dig deep. It's there for you to find and only you can find it.

jetplane

OP when you were encouraging and supporting your husband did you look into Freemasonary? Do you usually have a very honest and open marriage where it feels natural to say what did you do, who did you meet, how did it go? Do you feel excluded for the first time?

Only you really know why it bothers you so much but its not such a secret society as it used to be and as he makes new friends will this not enhance your social life as men & women are not barred from socialising outside the meetings.

My aunt used to say the masons were her husbands mistress as they were a big secret who knew all about her while she knew nothing about them and she always felt like he was sneaking off when he went to meetings etc.

ariba10

fluffnutter wrote: »

This was your first mistake. Not surprised you're feeling rubbish. If my husband wanted to join some silly little boys' club to compensate for the fact that he never got enough badges in the boy scouts I'd be pretty horrified too. Couldn't he have taken up golf instead??

Whooo. There are some bitter, jealous people on here today.