New Freemason wife

indebtinsussex

my dad is a freemason and my oh belongs to a catholic variation of it. When my dad was asked to join 25 years ago, my parents set a timescale of a year and if it interferred too much with family or my mum was uncomfortable with him being it, then he would leave no questions asked.

My parents have made a lot of good friends from it, the one thing I was very impressed about was how they look after each other. When my dad had cancer (after checking with my mum it was ok) they made a shift rota about who would take my dad to chemo on which days and someone was always on hand to ensure that if my parents needed something or someone to talk to there was always someone there for them.

From growing up with it and my oh being a variation of one, I've find it completely harmless, I dont think theres anything sinister about it and the amount they raise for charity is amazing.

If it was me I would say give yourselves 6 months to settle into the nipple flashing routine and then if you're still uncomfortable then make a final deicsion then

fluffnutter

Persimmon wrote: »

Fluffnutter, to be fair to him he did suggest he leave, but I feel that why should I dictate his life. He is allowed to make his own choices. I suppose I just want to find a way to accept them.

Of course. It's important that we allow our spouses the freedom of their own choices but it's not unreasonable to hope that our own feelings form part of those choices.

Only you can decide if accepting this particular choice is a compromise too far. It would be for me but it's a very personal decision.

fluffnutter

ariba10 wrote: »

Whooo. There are some bitter, jealous people on here today.

Oh behave. Some things I really value - egalitarianism, inclusivity, transparency, openness, maturity - everything I believe that secret societies aren't and I want no part of them.

If that translates as 'bitter' and 'jealous', yeah whatever. 10 out of 10 for your comprehension skills.

System

What on earth are Freemasons? Don't like the sound of that! Not that I am a killjoy or anything but I believe in honesty and openness in a relationship.

ariba10

It is not a secret society.

It is a society with secrets.

ostrichnomore_2

You'll have to dig for your own reasons why you are uncomfortable with it. I know I would be, too.

You can find some interesting information on the Freemason's site: ugle.org.uk. Some of it relates to what I, personally, would find objectionable if my OH wanted to join (which he wouldn't). If he suddenly turned round and said he did, he wouldn't be the person I thought he was.

From the site: "Freemasonry is a society of men concerned with moral and spiritual values. Its members are taught its principles (moral lessons and self-knowledge) by a series of ritual dramas – a progression of allegorical two-part plays which are learnt by heart and performed within each Lodge – which follow ancient forms, and use stonemasons’ customs and tools as allegorical guides."

OK...so exactly what moral and spiritual lessons are they teaching these men? Might be what I'd be happy with my OH believing, might not be. I had a boss once who was a Mason and we found a bunch of Mason's stuff in the firm's loft. Shouldn't have unwrapped it and looked but hey, who could resist that? VERY freaky paintings with dancing demons and skeletons and masonic symbols all over them.

From the site: "Freemasonry does not discriminate on grounds of race, colour, religion, political views or social standing". so they just discriminate on the basis of gender then, that's ok in the 21st century is it? It is also contradicted by the information on how to join - "All Freemasons are expected to have a religious belief" So they do discriminate on religion in the sense that you can't be an atheist.

I would also not be happy with my OH belonging to a secret society. Oh, ok, they say they aren't, they are a 'society with secrets' instead but that makes it completely different to having a normal hobby. If my OH couldn't come home and tell me what they did at football, because he'd taken an oath that if he did his throat would be cut (yep, that's the oath), I would find that extremely strange and offensive. Couples shouldn't be FORCED to have secrets from each other by an outside organisation (of course we all have a few secrets by choice, I find that different).

It's also part of the 'old boys network' and I find that offensive and cronyism inexcusable. It's different to other business networking as it isn't open to all.

Georgiegirl256

fluffnutter wrote: »

Only you can decide if accepting this particular choice is a compromise too far. It would be for me but it's a very personal decision.

You'd think he was going off to join the Natzi's or the Sciencetologists or something!

Do you keep your husband on a very tight lead? Does he have a mind of his own?

LannieDuck

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You'd think he was going off to join the Natzi's or the Sciencetologists or something!

Do you keep your husband on a very tight lead? Does he have a mind of his own?

Not sure why you think Fluffnutter's post makes her sound controlling. The OP has said that her husband has offered to stop going - he obviously doesn't want a 'hobby' that makes her uncomfortable. I would have said that's a sign of a good, respectful relationship, not a controlling one.

Person_one

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Couples shouldn't be FORCED to have secrets from each other by an outside organisation (of course we all have a few secrets by choice, I find that different).

While I'm no fan of the freemasons, he's only FORCED as long as he's a member, so he's actually choosing to take part in something that requires him to keep secrets from his partner.

Its not the only time that happens, technically, there are lots of jobs and volunteer roles where people are supposed to keep things confidential, even from their partner.

Georgiegirl256

LannieDuck wrote: »

Not sure why you think Fluffnutter's post makes her sound controlling. The OP has said that her husband has offered to stop going - he obviously doesn't want a 'hobby' that makes her uncomfortable. I would have said that's a sign of a good, respectful relationship, not a controlling one.

It just sounds it to me, no offence really intended, but to say she'd divorce her husband if he joined the FM's is to me over the top, just my opinion.

To me, it just seems some wives (and I don't just mean FN) need to be in control and know every single aspect of their husbands lives. If that's he's hobby so be it, he isn't doing any harm, and as a lot of posters have already said, the FM's do ALOT of good work for charity, so they can't be all that bad.