Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Milliebob

Wow... can of worms opened again when I updated ey?

To answer some of the questions; Yes he still has the ring, it's on a shelf in our bedroom. I followed a lot of advice on here from last time I posted (in Jan) and 'chilled out', and I haven't mentioned it. Got my hopes up at Valentines (cos of you lot suggesting it!) and then again on Mothers Day. We had a lovely weekend in London in Feb too.

I've looked into Relate, but he'd never go for it, as far as he's concerned there's nothing wrong.

I feel a bit humiliated now since I told my friend and my Mum when he first bought me it, and tbh I feel like I don't want this ring anymore, because of all the heartache the thing has caused me.

I still of course want to marry him and I love him more than anything, but I'm starting to give up. I've looked into just changing my name by deed poll so that at least we all have the same name.

Oh and lastly (this will make you spit out your drink) he's always saying things like we'll be married this time next year etc etc and yet... still.... no..... engagement.....

Mojisola

Milliebob wrote: »

Oh and lastly (this will make you spit out your drink) he's always saying things like we'll be married this time next year etc etc and yet... still.... no..... engagement.....

I think I'd be answering "If we are still together this time next year"

He either knows how much upset this is causing you and is enjoying the control or he hasn't a clue which means he's incredibly insensitive and hasn't been listening to you.

Georgiegirl256

Milliebob wrote: »

Oh and lastly (this will make you spit out your drink) he's always saying things like we'll be married this time next year etc etc and yet... still.... no..... engagement.....

Next time he says that, you should say something like 'Not if you don't hurry up and get something sorted we won't be.' :mad:

Tbh, unless he's got something mind blowingly spectacular planned (hence the wait), then I wouldn't want the ring either, because everytime I looked at it, it would make me feel sad.

victory

Milliebob wrote: »

Wow... can of worms opened again when I updated ey?

To answer some of the questions; Yes he still has the ring, it's on a shelf in our bedroom. I followed a lot of advice on here from last time I posted (in Jan) and 'chilled out', and I haven't mentioned it. Got my hopes up at Valentines (cos of you lot suggesting it!) and then again on Mothers Day. We had a lovely weekend in London in Feb too.

I've looked into Relate, but he'd never go for it, as far as he's concerned there's nothing wrong.

I feel a bit humiliated now since I told my friend and my Mum when he first bought me it, and tbh I feel like I don't want this ring anymore, because of all the heartache the thing has caused me.

I still of course want to marry him and I love him more than anything, but I'm starting to give up. I've looked into just changing my name by deed poll so that at least we all have the same name.

Oh and lastly (this will make you spit out your drink) he's always saying things like we'll be married this time next year etc etc and yet... still.... no..... engagement.....

Does he know that you have looked into changing your name?

Lots of people have asked you maybe he is planning to propose when the ring is payed off, has the ring been paid off?

The only thing I can think of is he is waiting to go on holiday (paying for it monthly) and when that is booked/paid for/organized he will propose then? Or on your birthday? Or his birthday? Or a special day for the both of you? There are soooo many days it could be, reasons why he has not done it yet, no knowing unless you ask him;)

Person_one

Why haven't you had a frank open and honest conversation about this? Why haven't you asked him outright what he wants to happen and why he bought that ring?

Changing your name is pretty meaningless, loads of married women keep their own names. Marriage means a change in your legal status and real protections for you and your child.

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

Changing your name is pretty meaningless, loads of married women keep their own names. Marriage means a change in your legal status and real protections for you and your child.

Exactly. Very good point.

Tiddlywinks

tea_lover wrote: »

In the bf's defence (wait for it before flaming me!) he may just not be sure about marriage, rather than marriage to the OP specifically.

I've been with my OH for nearly 9 years, lived together for 3. I've got no doubt that this will be the person I spend the rest of my life with, but I don't know if I want to marry him. Sometimes I do, sometimes I'm not so sure. It's not a reflection on him, just my ambivalent feelings toward marriage itself.

However, I do think the bf was out of order to buy a ring then effectively hide it for 6 months.

Why not marry the mother of your child though?

Why have a child if you're not 100% committed?

Vikipollard

Milliebob wrote: »

I still of course want to marry him and I love him more than anything, but I'm starting to give up. I've looked into just changing my name by deed poll so that at least we all have the same name.

Oh and lastly (this will make you spit out your drink) he's always saying things like we'll be married this time next year etc etc and yet... still.... no..... engagement.....

Tell him you want the same name as your child, so you are changing the littlie's name to yours. That might wake him up.


And in relation to the last paragraph, that's all about control. He seriously believes that will keep you sweet and is no doubt patting himself on the back at his ingenuity (without the integrity of actually planning to go through with it).


...This time next year Rodney we'll be millionaires...

pollypenny

I wouldn't dream of changing my name to that of a guy who couldn't be bothered to marry me.

You're giving him an easy way out!

I wish I'd kept my maiden name anyway, it's much nicer!

HPoirot

He thinks he is being so clever, doesn't he, keeping you hanging like that? Next time he mentions being married this time next year, I would go right for the jugular and express my frustration to him. No point making yourself miserable when you are on different planets with regards to this ring / engagement, there are things that need to be communicated here.

ETA I see absolutely no point in changing your name by deed poll either.