Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Bad_Weather

paulineb wrote: »

I think to be fair, it was someone else who suggested she do this.

Yeh, I got that - I don't think I directed it directly at OP, I said "everyone" and "anyone" etc trying to be general.

But, to be clear I wasn't saying that about OP or anyone in particular - just implying that is an extreme course of action, regarding a child, over an engagement ring :eek:

paulineb_2

Bad_Weather wrote: »

Yeh, I got that - I don't think I directed it directly at OP, I said "everyone" and "anyone" etc trying to be general.

But, to be clear I wasn't saying that about OP or anyone in particular - just implying that is an extreme course of action, regarding a child, over an engagement ring :eek:

Yes I agree.

shop-to-drop

I read it that people were suggesting she change the childs name as she gave a reason she wanted to be married so she would have the same name as her child. As marriage was seeming less and less likely to happen it was suggested that it would be easier to change the child's name. I don't remember reading any comments to change the child's name to force him into marriage.

To be honest I would never have given a child of mine their fathers surname unless I was married I would hate not having the same surname as my child so sympathise with the OP.

I remember expressing this opinion 20+ years ago before I was married. Strange how it has become expected these days that the child gets the fathers surname.

slightlyconfused1

OP have you had a full discussion about why you want to be married? Not about a ring, wedding etc but about how you feel regarding your child?

If I were you I would suggest selling the ring and using the money to pay for a tiny wedding. No fuss, just the commitment you want. An engagement ring is the promise you will be married one day, you don't need that when what you want is the plain gold band (with maybe a small diamond). An eternity ring can come later.

catkins

Person_one wrote: »

Um, why would it happen or why should it happen if one party doesn't want it to?

A couple may decide to live together without actually talking about whether they both want to get married if things work out (I am always amazed how many couples never talk about things before living together or getting married).


I personally would never have lived with my now OH unless I knew that he wanted to marry me nor would I have been content to live with him for years before that happened. As it was, he didn't want to live together anyway as he felt marriage was special and living together wasn't.

seven-day-weekend

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

OP have you had a full discussion about why you want to be married? Not about a ring, wedding etc but about how you feel regarding your child?

If I were you I would suggest selling the ring and using the money to pay for a tiny wedding. No fuss, just the commitment you want. An engagement ring is the promise you will be married one day, you don't need that when what you want is the plain gold band (with maybe a small diamond). An eternity ring can come later.

Absolutely. I totally agree with this.

Bad_Weather

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

OP have you had a full discussion about why you want to be married? Not about a ring, wedding etc but about how you feel regarding your child?

If I were you I would suggest selling the ring and using the money to pay for a tiny wedding. No fuss, just the commitment you want. An engagement ring is the promise you will be married one day, you don't need that when what you want is the plain gold band (with maybe a small diamond). An eternity ring can come later.

I second this. Forget the engagement ring, you just want to be married and perhaps it is the pressure of a big proposal that is putting him off.

victory

Milliebob wrote: »

Apologies for not addressing the question about the finance on the ring. No it isn't paid off, it was taken over three years. So I very much hope that's not what he is waiting for!

And to the people who are asking about sitting down and talking about it, if you read the whole thread you would see that we did in January after the advice on here, and then the further advice was to leave it for a bit as I'd gotten a bit obsessed.

I won a comp to stay in a very posh, very romantic country house hotel which we are going to next Friday, so I'm secretly crossing everything!

Oh please just talk to him..... Again:o he may just be thinking ' oh wow a hotel for free, fantastic where as you are fantasizing proposals, happy endings, rings, men are from mars :rotfl::rotfl:

lazer

OP - my now husband bought my ring a while before he proposed, I picked it out.

I'm not sure now of the exact dates but think it was about August and we got officially engaged in November.

We were lying in bed one morning and he suggested we go ring shopping - marriage was always on the cards, but I had no idea when he would get round it. That was the real proposal, that was the day we decided we were getting married at some stage.

I was happy to wait for him to ask me officially, so i could actually tell people we were engaged and plan a wedding, he waited for the right time, and asked me when we all dressed up and surrounded by my friends at a formal night. I had wondered every night we went out, everytime we went somewhere etc, if he was going to ask - but for some reason I didn't think it would be that night.

He had the ring with him a few times in a few different places and asked when it felt right to him.

Marriage is a big step, don't force it - I know it's hard knowing the ring is there and not being allowed to wear it, I've been there, it's not easy but it is worth it in the end. I am very happy i got the proposal when i wasn't expecting it, and I am very vey happy we are now married!

FWIW - we didn't actually live together before we got married though, I like some of the posters above wouldn't have lived with him before he had least showed an intention of getting married.

tayforth

Milliebob wrote: »

Apologies for not addressing the question about the finance on the ring. No it isn't paid off, it was taken over three years. So I very much hope that's not what he is waiting for!

And to the people who are asking about sitting down and talking about it, if you read the whole thread you would see that we did in January after the advice on here, and then the further advice was to leave it for a bit as I'd gotten a bit obsessed.

I won a comp to stay in a very posh, very romantic country house hotel which we are going to next Friday, so I'm secretly crossing everything!

You could always take your sister/mum/friend to the posh hotel instead.

As for the ring, I agree with Brighton belle - three years to pay off a ring is absolute madness, IMHO. I wouldn't want any man to buy me a ring on credit, full stop. I would rather have a ring that he could afford, or none.

An engagement ring is not essential anyway.

OP - would you be happy with a simpler ring, or none, and a simple, inexpensive wedding?

You two need to have an honest and open talk xx